#zugzwang

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader | something i want to write if anyone enjoys this

8.10 The Lessons — Short fragment of inserting fem!reader in the Zugzwang plot

W/C: 1.3K

To be part of the FBI or the BAU, in specific, you had to have a trauma of some sorts. Or at least that was what you thought. It was almost like you had to fill the box on your curriculum to be a candidate. Which was messed up. But at the same time somehow reassuring, for you at least.

Maybe that was the reason why your unite work so well together, everyone had something deep inside that haunted them, so in a way the team understood each other. Or so you thought.

But as of now, your discussion with Spencer was proving you wrong. You were outside a precinct somewhere in Arizona, maybe it was the heat or what was making you angrier and nauseous. Reid had a defensive posture and look everywhere but at you. He was definitely mad.

"I'm sorry I eavesdrop" You said finally after a while of silence. "It was not my intention but I'm sorry"

You waited for an answer but he didn't give in, he looked less defensive but still not please with you.

You were being honest, you didn't pretended to hear Spencer's conversation with Blake, you just wanted to check if the genius was okay, since he look distracted. Your ears catch the conversation before your brain could tell you not to.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You asked instead, hoping your voice didn't sound as hoarse as your throat felt.

"It's non of your business" Spencer replied before he could stop himself, your heart sank. He shook his head before correcting himself. "Sorry. I didn't tell anybody."

"Alex knows" you said back, a defensive tone you wish wasn't there. But it hurt.

"She found out by accident. So did Morgan and Penelope."

"I thought nobody knew" You look at him with a frown, feeling more offended than before. This was a really shitty situation that you wanted to stop but your brain kept pushing to find out more about this girl. Why hadn't he met her already? Were they not that serious? Was she his girlfriend?

He let out a sigh of clear desperation, turning his head back. "Nobody was supposed to find out, they push the answer out of me. It's not that big of a deal, anyway"

You shook your head, it was that big of a deal for you.

And sadly it wasn't because who you thought was your best friend witheald something so personal about him, like a possible girlfriend. And you knew, your stomach was a knot since you heard him spoke those beautiful words about the mystery girl.

You didn't know what else to tell him, so moving away from the wall and putting your cigarette out, you spoke. "I don't know why haven't you met her but she is going to love you, Spencer. She would be crazy not to."

You gave Spencer a last look, who was looking at the pavement, before turning around.

"She has a stalker" you heard Spencer's low voice before walking out of the alley. "She had. She had a stalker, that's why we couldn't meet. Until... now."

To say you were dumbfounded would be a understatement. For a moment you felt your heart stop, turning around slowly to meet Spencer's gaze, he look upset and sad and worried to the bone.

"What?" You asked slowly, trying to catch up to what he was saying. "What do you mean?"

"Maeve," so that was her name. Pretty. "She had a stalker. But for the last few weeks she has not heard anything about them so... She wants to meet."

You blink a few times, trying to decide what to say.

How to act. In front of you Spencer look like a deer in headlights, looking for reassurance, but the information was too much for you to act like her friend first.

"So they haven't catch the stalker?" you asked with a frown. Spencer just shook his head. "At least she knows who they are?"

Spencer shook his head again, the conversation starting to upset him all over again. And he knows he shouldn't, those were normal worries to have. If the scenarios were turn around he would say something to you about how emotionally involved you were to see things clearly. You knew that because your job consisted of it. But his mind was already too foggy to rationalize.

"Does she know anything at all?" You asked, clearly upset for the lack of answers. "Do you know anything at all, Spencer?"

"No! No! Okay, I don't! But what else do I do?!" Spencer exclaimed, hopeless. "I have kept track of every time she mentions the stalker. And... and, the phone calls and mails, honestly... it doesn't sound that bad, okay?" For the way Spencer rubbed his eyes desperately, you knew he was in denial. He wasn't thinking like Dr. Reid. "And oftentimes when a stalker's advances are ignored, they stop. They start looking for a more receptive target. The stalker hasn't contacted her for two weeks."

You looked at him in disbelief. He was trying to convince you or him? How many times had he repeated that to himself? Your Spencer wasn't like that and it upset you.

"And do you really think that's her case? You are not foolish, Spence!" You didn't realize you were rising your voice. "You are not meeting her."

"W-what?" Reid asked confuse at your statement.

Like if you were his boss. "You are no one to decide that. I have it handle and also stop talking to me like I'm a child, I'm an agent just like you... Actually no, I'm a doctor, don't you think I know best?"

That was low. And childish. He knew that what he was telling you meant more to yourself than anyone else in particular.

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Fem Reader (Non Specified but imagined fem)

Warnings - not spell checked, character death??, cheating, all cm trigger warnings, Maeve, mentions of eating disorders addiction and suicidal thoughts.

Summary - You we’re ready to marry him, he was ready to leave.

———————————————————————

You fell in love four years ago. Budding new SSA Y/L/N and the marvellous Doctor Reid, the BAUs power couple, attached at the hip - perfect.

And perfect it was, you and spencer had been through everything together. Case after case, his addiction, your own struggles with disordered eating, and everything inbetween, so when he started being distant, and getting migraines, you were sure you could help. You found him the best doctors, geneticists, anything and anyone.

You never thought he’d fall for Maeve Donovan, his geneticist, i mean how could you, you’d seen the ring. He was going to propose, or so you thought, a beautiful amethyst ring hidden in the blazer pocket of his work suit. Not your favourite crystal but you’re sure he had a reason for picking it, he always did.

So you began planning.

And you planned and planned until it suddenly didn’t feel like he was going to propose anymore.

“Spence?” You call out from the kitchen where you’re making dinner.

“Yeah love?” He walks in.

“I was just thinking, do you ever think about marrying me?”

“Well yeah in the future when we’ve settled a bit more, i’m happy how we are right now”

“Oh” You sigh, “What about that ring in your blazer pocket? What’s that for then?”

Silence. You know what that means.

“Is she pretty?” He looks down at his shoes.

Your turn off the stove and wipe your hands on your trousers.

“It’s Maeve isn’t it? The doctor?” You giggle sadly “You always liked them smart”

“Y/n…”

“Does she make you happy?”

“Not like you do”

You scoff. He looks at you confused.

You pick at your nails, crying slightly. “You were the one for me Spence, and I just want you to be happy, I thought that was with me but i guess not anymore” You shrug before grabbing your bag.

“What are you doing?” He try’s to grab your hands.

“Im going to stay with Garcia tonight” You reach the door, “Maybe you can invite Maeve for dinner, i made your favourite. I’ll be back tomorrow to gather my things”

“Please don’t do this..”

“Goodbye Spencer Reid”

———————————————————————

The past month had been hell for you, you didn’t tell anyone the real reason you and Spencer split up, not wanting to ruin his friendships with the rest of the team, but you hadn’t been doing well. You’d lost a lot of weight, stopped going out with the team, and started throwing yourself into your work.

It was plain as day that you were heartbroken.

So when Spencer came in, seeking help for Maeve, you were advised to steer clear of the case. But you were determined to show everyone you were fine.

You worked the hardest on the case and found Diane first, and joined spencer on retrieving Maeve.

You walk in unarmed, as requested by Diane, and see Maeve being held by gunpoint.

“Diane, right?” You try and sound as calm as possible, “I’m Y/n”

“Stay back or I shoot her!”

“She rejected you didn’t she? Your paper? I read it and it was good, just needed a little more evidence”

“What evidence?”

“Someone who wasn’t your parents, who wanted to die”

You breath in

“I can help Diane, you need someone like me, you can kill me”

“You’re trying to trick me!” She exclaims.

“i’m not, Maeve doesn’t want to die, do you Maeve”

She begins to cry begging for her life.

“And you do?”

“I’ve got nothing left to live for”

You look to Spencer sadly.

“Think about it Diane, this gives you the evidence you need” You smile.

“You’re trying to trick me!”

“Fine, I guess Dr Donovan was right” I fake sigh and get a little closer, “You aren’t worth the time or effort”

In an instant, Maeve is thrown to the floor and Diane grabs and shoots you both in the stomach.

You fall to the ground.

Spencer instantly runs to you, cradling you in his arms, your breaths shallow and weak.

“Is Maeve okay?”

Astounded at your care he says “Please don’t worry about her, save your strength, the medics are on their way”

“I don’t think i have the time Spence”

“Please baby” He whispers.

“Are you happy Spence?”

“She’s not you…”

He holds you tight and you reach up to cradle his cheek with your hand, “Please let yourself be happy” A metallic taste covering the inside of your mouth.

As he’s holding you he can feel how much smaller you’ve become. “You’ve not been taking care of yourself” He begins to cry

“It’s not important now,” I whisper, “Spence?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think i’m another life we made it

He thinks for a moment.

“I’m every universe i will be forever yours, I just wish it could’ve been in this one too” Beginning to sob

“And i will always be yours too, you were it for me Spencer Reid”

His tears fall down quicker than you can wipe them away.

“At least we’ll have all those other lives, we could have that wedding I planned,” I giggle sadly, “You would’ve loved it”

“I should’ve asked you, I wanted it to be you”

“I wanted it to be me too”

Your eyes begin to close, in the distant shouts for medics get louder, the blaring of sirens closer.

“I love you” he whispers, “Please don’t leave me, we’re not done yet”

because I know what comes next and I CAN'T REWATCH THAT ONE SCENE OF SPENCER GRIEVING HER AGAIN