koi

DEBOOBINATOR

for years you have paraded around in public, wearing a hat that so boldly claims that women want you and fish fear you. you know just as well as i do that this is a lie. can you live up to the bar your hat sets? currently you are being lowered into a tank of piranha, and only your wife has the controls to save you. does this woman truly want you, or will it be you who fears the fish? let the game begin

tumblr posts’ standards have reached such level of absurdity that i saw this post and considered it just another normal tumblr post till i read the url

Your wife doesn't need to save you because piranhas are actually timid scavengers by nature with an undeserved fearsome reputation. They huddle in the corner of the aquarium as your wife helps you out and lovingly hands you a towel. The prophecy of the hat is fulfilled.

being an absolutely obnoxious little turd is a love language

2. my undying love for them

3. Nega Saint Patrick

4. my 19 plastic snakes i keep by my window

5. Snakes wish to know me carnally

6. I have snacks for snake friends

7. The sugar I laid out to catch them

8. flies. sugar catches flies

9. you gotta wear a snake trap

10. their love of my aesthetic

there was only supposed to be 6 things

When has tumblr ever adhered to reading comprehension?