If I have a daughter, she will never, ever be taught by me that her sex is a barrier to anything. She will never hear the phrase "girls don't do that". She can have her hair cut short if she wants. She can climb trees and make mud cakes, and I won't tell her to cross her legs when she sits. She will never know or understand the concept of being "ladylike". I won't be buying makeup for her when she is 12. I won't ask her to hide her period products so her male relatives aren't made to feel embarrassed. She won't have to wear tight, uncomfortable, revealing clothes. If she wants me to paint her bedroom green, I won't paint it pink behind her back. If she asks me for a skateboard for her birthday, I won't buy her a Barbie, because "little girls should play with dolls". I won't ever make her step on the scale and shake my head at the number there. If she tells me she has a boyfriend or girlfriend, she will know what red flags are, and she will know her worth.
If I have a son, he will be taught that he is no better than the girls at school by virtue of his sex. He should listen to them and respect them, not talk over them, or underestimate their intelligence. He should never say "you fight like a girl" or tell a girl she can't join in with the boys. When he inevitably parrots the sexist comments made by his peers, he will be reprimanded, and taught better. When appropriate, I will teach him what periods are, so the women in his life appreciate how understanding he is on the topic. I will educate him on sex when the time is right, and I will stress to him that pornography is exploitative, abusive, misogynistic, and damaging to his perception of real relationships. He will be encouraged to pursue his interests, even if those interests are considered "feminine", like fashion, art, singing, and dancing. When he cries, I will comfort him and encourage him to express his feelings, not tell him to stop "acting like a girl".
If I have both, my daughter will never believe she is inferior to her brother. She will have the same opportunities, the same love, support, and respect. She won't be forced to go to dance class while her brother gets to play football, and she won't be told to eat less while her brother gets an extra helping. I will teach them both to cook, clean, sew, read books, manage finances, play instruments, play sports, and study. I will teach them both about DIY, car maintenance, and sports. They will have an equal amount of chores. They will have the same curfew. They will both be taught about safe sex, and when the time is appropriate, they will have my blessing for a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I would love and support a gay son, or a lesbian daughter, and they will have always known this. They wouldn't have to fear coming out to me. In my household, we never use slurs. We make it clear that we do not discriminate against anyone.
If I have children, I will tell them that I love them equally. The fact that they may be adopted means that we wanted them all the more. They are not a mistake. They can do anything they put their minds to, and I will always be there to support them.
