Alpha Douche

Luis Suarez is an Alpha Douche

Because, ya know, he bit a guy and got banned for 10 games.

Luis Suarez ranks a disrespectful 83% Alpha Douche

George Osborne is an Alpha Douche

George Osborne, for those of you unlucky enough not to have been born British is the second most powerful man in the nation, the Chancellor of the Exchequer. This guy controls the nations money and he’s the man that made my opening statement void.

You see, George is a man that occupies his position not by merit but through political connections and privileged Oxbridge Tory bum-chummery.

George has unintentionally fashioned himself into the ‘Worst Chancellor of the Exchequer Ever’. Coming into power (just) in May 2010, riding a less than impressive wave of conservative sentiment, George sought to reduce he UK’s deficit through a program of budget cuts that would allow us to balance our books and get out of the recession. What this genius has unwittingly done through his own incompetence is single-handedly destroy any last remaining resilience in the UK economy, launch a class war against everyone that isn’t a silver-spooned Tory and demonstrated first hand how to take a fragile economy and run it into the ground. That’s about him in a nutshell.

George Osborne is like a boy that has been given a sick little baby bird to nurse back to life. George in his unfailing infinite wisdom has decided the best way to achieve this is to flog and punish the little baby bird back to health. When everyone around him says that perhaps he should use a little TLC, George sticks to his guns, listens to his mates instead (the bankers, that shot the baby bird down with their BB gun in the first place) and continues to ‘heal’ our poor baby bird with needles and little punches in its little baby bird face.

He’s an Alpha Douche because he has a job he doesn’t deserve, is the very definition of incompetence and won’t admit that he’s wrong and would rather continue punishing poor people for his mate’s failings than just admit PLAN A isn’t working.

Will.i.am is an Alpha Douche

Let's be clear about this, Will.i.am is an Alpha Douche. He's transcended domestic douchedom into a new level, something only achieved by a few.

To his credit, he's a pretty charming guy, no error, however his music and 'entrepreneurial ideas' have earned him this title. The Black Eyed Peas have been responsible for some of the worst music ever produced. Ever. He's a judge on The Voice, dispensing wisdom to wannabe musicians and future troubled starlets as though he knows what he's talking about. That's insulting. Plus check out what the guy is wearing, only an Alpha Douche can pull that kind of outfit off.

Will.i.am ranks a cool 89% Douche