Context: My roommate wrote and DMed a one-shot themed for our friend group at college, only a handful of which had ever played before. Here’s the highlight reel:
Cleric:
“BEGONE THOT.”
“I’m gonna turn around, strip naked, and tackle him.”
“I’m naked, but he’s the bard.”
“I hold my tits up with the shovel.”
*simultaneously, as we’re facing down the final boss*
Barbarian: “I leap off the balcony!”
Cleric: “I strip naked!”
Bard:
“I can’t run, the goldfish might get concussions.”
“You see officer, I’m an affluent white male.”
“Nice fursuit, did your mom make it for you?”
“I eat another goldfish. I’m down to 47.” (this did nothing for his stats, he just insisted on periodically eating them throughout the game)
“I’m going to try and swallow a squirrel whole.” *beat* “That’s a nat 20.”
