@bechdels

I remember when I was 9 years old neopets taught me what cum meant. Not what an orgasm is, but what the word cum meant. I was postin on the neoboards, doing my 9 year old thing, and all of a sudden I was kicked off the forum and blocked????? I was like what the fuck I’m 9 I just want to talk about my jubjub?? (his name was JubInATub how clever is that I know). So I investigated and it said I had been soft banned for using inappropriate language, and it had the word like censored and I had to click on it to see what it said, so I do and I see the word CUM written in bold red letters, plain as the morning sun, strung up and exposed to the brisk wind like freshly laundered linens, and was understandably offended like??? Cum on guys this has to be a mistake I was just asking what was the best time to cum to the ice caves and try to sneak some free shit from that ice snake bitch, that thing was ALWAYS awake. So my bitty 9 y/o brain was like what the hell neopets, maybe they just don’t understand Internet Lingo like obviously I was using a Hip and Cool instant message shorthand to save my precious 9 y/o time (a girls got shit to do like damn). So I was like let’s lay this to rest, I’m gonna google search this shit, screen shot the definition and send it in an email to the CEO Mr. Neopet himself, lay down some knowledge on these fogies. So my sweet little innocent fingers pull up Google dot com and type in the letters C-U-M expecting validation and let me tell you friends, what I found shocked my innocent child psyche to the core. The root of who I was got ripped to shreds, obliterated by the wood chipper that is this cruel and disgusting world we live in. That day changed me, it was a crossroads of my life and I was thrust down a path that I have yet to return from.

Preserve this in a museum

I cannot get this poem out of my head. It haunts me. Joyously, it haunts me. 

in another thread, this user writes: my name is Dog, and wen its tea, i hope they giv sum foode to me - i hope they shair befor its gon - they never do. i dont get non. :( and then replies to their own comment: my name is Cow, and this is tru - my caynine frend, its up to yu. so just be brayve and smart insted - and be like me. i lik the bred.

First of all how dare you

Ok, but in Carrie’s book, she definitely mentions more than one occasion when Mark showed up unannounced at Harrison’s early in the morning when Carrie was just there and they were clearly not having a breakfast hang out and Mark was just like “hey guys let’s hang”, and also Mark followed their car while they were making out and honked at them and was like “oh hey wow, we’re all heading to the same place! let’s all go eat together!”

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, ALL THE POINTS FOR YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL, OBLIVIOUS MARK HAMILL

how can u say u are not pretty when u are a cluster of stardust, a walking explosion of nebulas like there are constellations that knot your arteries together, you’re beyond pretty, more like a spectacular sight for all of us

*SCREECHING*

Me when getting compliments

Not all heroes wear capes…

Fun story, my dad’s friend from college once wanted to bring his best friend from Palestine but he couldn’t get the papers so they went to court to say they were married or some shit and brought my dad to as a witness and the judge was like “prove it? I don’t believe this is an actual marriage and you two are in love” and like they shrugged and started to make out so hard that security had to come to split them up because they went to far, so yeah, real homies make out in a court room to get your homie into Canada to avoid being deported back to his refugee camp.

Turn up the brightness on your phone if you can’t see it because that’s some damn good photography

the treat yo self scene in parks and rec is the worst thing that ever happened to my self-control

Not to shit on Ben Wyatt, but Padme was queen of Naboo at 14 years old, and she didn’t blow the planet’s budget on a winter sports complex. 

#honestly ben wyatt has probably had this exact thought in dark moments (via @seagodofmagic)