Free Spirit

It's really tiring to explain to other people.

At this point in my life, I have no time to be weak. If a certain person wants to cut ties with me for whatever reason even if they are family, I should just move on. I should not trust anyone anymore. I like how I am just here but nobody knows what I'm feeling or thinking about. I have not posted my thoughts on social media for almost two years now. I feel like my thoughts aren't safe. Even other close friends do not know I have a ticking time bomb in my brain. I just do not feel connected to anyone anymore. I am also less talkative as I age. It is tiring to socialize and I think no one gets me. Life made me insensitive. I am sorry if someone will vent and cry in front of me. I will just stare but I will listen. This must be how it feels like to be an empty shell. I gave away a lot. They took away a lot.

Another shitty day ended. I cannot wait to have a better job than this one. I only stayed because of the work from home set-up. Everyday is repetitive and draining. Plus, there is a colleague who acts like a boss and is disrespectful to everyone. He sleeps during work hours and is still paid while we work our asses off. My overtimes where I worked with integrity were scrubbed off (deleted thus unpaid) while this guy sleeps and boss around. We both applied for a higher position and he got interviewed while I was not given a chance. They claimed that they tried calling me numerous times but I did not receive any. I guess sometimes being a pet has its benefits. Lol. A new plan was cascaded through a private message between this colleague and our new boss, which was weird. So I sent a private message to our new boss about the task at hand since it will be affected with this new plan but he left my message on seen. Lol. Even my co-SME was left confused. This new plan which was not formally cascaded to other leaders means more workload for me (since this colleague just sleeps) because this means supporting the whole site and I am alone on weekends. What shit is this. Ghaadd I hope I will find a new job soon which offers work from home still.

burnt out.

Mood Check: are you happy?

As I grow older, I started to smile less and to care less. I quickly lose interest in people who only remembers me when they need me. I got tired of people who cannot stand my true self. I do not tolerate anymore those who cannot treat me as a being worth of respect. I am so done.