did not expect this post back on my dash but welcome home son

“if you take medication for that, you’ll be taking medication all your life!!” yeah, and?? bud, i already put on my glasses every morning. it’s like. a condition of mine, not a side hobby i’m pursuing irresponsibly. 

oh don’t worry im not *dependent* on drugs, i just happen to like it when my brain works every day

Eat food now and you’ll be eating food your entire life.

“Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence.”

i’m enamored by the specificity of this blog. like this is the only post they’ve ever made. this account was solely created for this special little guy. does he know?

wake up babes my new obsession just dropped

my number one trait is being lame as hell but my number two trait is being sick as fuck

okay picture this; i go back in time and find a victorian orphan child. do i blow his mind? do i break his brain? NO!!! i give him warm soft clothes and a hug. he gets me wizard high off what would commonly be used to treat a minor cough in that era. we both eventually contract a deadly illness and then i bring him to the future where we get easily cured of our ailment. i buy him a happy meal afterwards. he’s my good son now. love you son.

this is the biggest plot twist of our generation

I thought there was no way he could come out of that looking like a winner and he proved me wrong so hard

I hate car culture so much, it's unfortunate that it's a reality for North Americans to rely on cars at such a young age, cause there is literally no better way to get from point A to point B, and the fact that minimum wagers have to pay for gas, already makes living expenses a fucking hell.

british towns will be called Fuckmouth or whatever and people will just go with it

i literally live 10 miles from shitterton and i can confirm that the council had to replace all of their signs with rocks because they kept getting stolen.