Shetasteslikecherrycola.

I’m sure most people will find the events of yesterday sad, terribly tragic or whatever word you want to use. It seems the only thing anyone can agree on currently is that it’s awful Caroline Flack felt there was no other way out. But I wanted to address some things more coherently than I was able to in shock yesterday, because I feel there are important points to be raised (besides the obvious) that I haven’t seen on the internet yet.

I find most celebrity deaths sad. But last night and earlier today, I cried for Caroline Flack and her family/friends. I don’t think I even cried when Alan Rickman died and I adored him. It took me by surprise for a while, because while I knew I liked her (and I was glad she won Strictly), I hadn’t realised I liked her that much. But then lying in bed last night, struggling to sleep for all the thoughts whirring in my head, I realised what it was that had made me so much more inescapably sad about it all. In 2013, I experienced trolling for the first time. I’m not even sure if it was called trolling back then, it feels like a lifetime ago thankfully. I’d been bullied before of course, quite badly in fact in my first year of school (which was only discovered when I came home with my back black and blue from repeated events and as I bent forward my shirt accidentally revealed what was happening). But the beauty, if you will, of that bullying was that when I went home it was over. The bully lived nowhere near me as far as I know and I had a very happy home life, not perfect, but happy. However, over the 13 years between these incidents, the internet had blown up. I’d joined Twitter just over a year earlier and was at college, very happy with my A levels, my friends and my relatively new boyfriend. Someone at the college decided they’d taken a dislike to me. To this day I don’t know why. But they saw fit to take photos of me without my knowledge or consent, critiquing every little thing about me, from my laugh and smile, my dress sense to how I interacted with my boyfriend. Alright PDA’s aren’t everyone’s thing and looking back I cringe, but did I deserve a whole group of people I didn’t know spreading vicious comments about me? No. It wasn’t until someone I’d known years saw it about on Twitter and showed me that I knew what was going on. Thankfully I had a fierce friend at college who was willing to defend me to the death. We reported it to the principle together and they had a word and stopped it happening. But here’s the kicker. This all kicked off over the half term holidays. I had to wait two weeks for it to get sorted out. Thankfully I threw myself into my homework, kept to myself and tried to divert attention from me in any way, and it worked. But at the time, my mum was furious saying that had I been a more fragile person, I might never have been able to come back to college because so easily it could have all got too much. At the time I thought she was being overdramatic, but back then my mental health was pretty good and I’d never known what it was like to be so low. I’ve since learned that’s a very real reality for so many people, celeb or civilian. Imagine seeing hundreds or thousands more tweets slagging you off than I saw. Easy to see how that’s too much. It hurt me sure, but never once was I suicidal, I could still see how much I had to live for. Had it carried on relentlessly, things may have been different. I never thought I’d say it about that experience, but I was lucky. 

Now imagine you’re not just seeing it on Twitter. You’re seeing it on every media platform. From when you check your phone in a morning, to when you nip out to buy milk and you’re plastered all over the front page. It’s on TV when you want to just flick through channels, no down time from it, no let up. 

The other thing I wanted to address is that people don’t feel any sympathy for Caroline because of the trial due to start next month. They’re using the mere allegation as a fact and asserting that she was, categorically, a domestic abuser. Truth be told, I don’t know what I feel about that, I still don’t know if I believe she was abusing him or not, there’s things on both sides that don’t add up or you could argue for/against and talk yourself round in circles for hours. But that’s not the point. Sadly, the pressure got too much before Caroline could prove her innocence or the CPS could prove guilt. But the reason I bring this up isn’t to debate guilt or innocence. The point I’m making is we’re seeing this time and time again now. It’s so difficult because nobody wants to be on the wrong side of it and look back on history thinking ‘why did I believe him/her when they were guilty?’ Nobody wants to make life harder for victims by not believing them. I certainly don’t want to see victims suffer at all, let alone any more than they already have. But also, as Paul Bettany tweeted a year or so ago trial by Twitter is dangerous. Anybody can say anything on Twitter now, without any proof required and ruin somebody’s life. How many tweets were there boycotting Johnny Depp and actively encouraging others to ruin his life in one way or another? Thousands. Probably millions. Far more than I could be bothered to scroll through. Fast forward a little bit and audio is leaked where Amber Heard admits to abusing Depp. Rather than the other way around. How many tweets did I see apologising for believing her without proof and vilifying him? I saw 3. Especially if you’re already in a dark or vulnerable place, seeing all those tweets with death threats etc and people absolutely convinced you’re a horrible person/criminal, again I can see how suicide seems like the only way out. It seems like we’ve forgotten how to question things/people/behaviours/stand up for right or wrong without just slinging mud, insults and threats. I’ve known people be falsely accused for various things before and it’s always so damaging, beyond people’s belief. But again, as social media has developed, it all just seems to be getting worse and yet more inescapable. 

Traditional print media/online journalism I’m not even going to touch. Because so much of what has been said already I agree with/have reposted. I’m sad to say, I doubt it will change much. Especially since they’ve already been at it photographing Caroline’s ex-fiancee in his first moments of grief. 

And just in case anyone is upset by anything I’ve written here, I’m human. These were the jumbled up thoughts in my head that I thought I’d try to make sense of/shed some light on and give my opinion. It’s just that opinions. You don’t have to agree with them or even read them. But my intention is never to upset/offend/anger. Honestly, generally I always aim to please people, always have. If I’ve made a mistake in what I’ve said, feel free to correct or educate me. All I ask is you do it nicely. I’ve always quoted this but it seems more appropriate now than ever - “In a world that has decided that it’s going to lose it’s mind, be more kind my friends, try to be more kind.” (Frank Turner)

Night all x

Me: *makes one suggestion, prefaced by ‘hear me out’ and a looooot of explanation*

People: nah that’s shit are you fuckin joking oh my god why would you even suggest that?