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@alittlespaceinbetween-blog
The father of my children thinks he owns me and its ruining everything. He got me pregnant because I had pitty sex with him. Now people that I'm genuinely interested in want nothing to do with me. Yet i still want nothing to do with him.
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Things I'm going to do when I get my body back
-Dance, all the time, however I want
-wear crop tops
-wear booty shorts. In public
-go after that guy that I like. Hard af. Until he actually turns me down
-hoop videos
-go to raves
-enjoy little space
-audition to be a club girl
-pretty much anything that makes me feel alive
Last week I lost 4 pounds somehow, But this week I gained 7, so i guess it doesn't matter. My babies also got significantly bigger, and I'm trying to think "that's all that matters right now". But that shits hard. I want them to be healthy, babies are supposed to be chubby. I'm just over 29 weeks now, I've already had to go to the hospital once because I was going into labor. The shot they gave me was awful, I forget what it was called but it made my heart and my mind race, it was like a really bad panic attack. The nurse was trying to ask me questions, but I couldn't answer. I'm trying to take this bed rest thing more seriously cause i don't want to do that shit again.
I'm also trying to think like "once this is over with, you don't have to eat until you're ready to" and "you're going to lose weight so fast that everyone is going to know you're disordered" im going to download apps like sweatcoin, and restart MFP and Vora. I want to be 115 lbs by august. I think that would be thrilling.
I miss dancing, I miss hooping, i miss crop tops, I miss showing off my tattoo to boys i don't know. I miss people assuming I'm weak cause I was small and proving them wrong (i have very compact muscles).. But I know that if I an good and follow the rules I set for myself I can get back to it.
27 weeks pregnant
Apparently I'm just bad at carrying. I've been put on bed rest because I'm already trying to go into labor. I have a short cervix, turns out that's Probably why I went into labor at 31 weeks the first time. I hate not working, I've never been the kind of person who sat around and did nothing. My ED thoughts are killing me, I have to eat because I should, but I can't excersize. I've already gained 50 lbs. I've been cutting out all the people that bring me stress and negativity, so I'm becoming more and more alone but that part is pretty liberating. I was thinking that I would post a picture of my postpartum body, for honesty's sake, for motivation, and to have a before reference. I haven't been able to go into little space since I got pregnant. I miss it. And I'm hoping that when this is all said and done ill be able to enjoy that again. I may be putting ridiculous pressure on myself, but my plan is to have my cute little body back by august.
I'm a Contradiction
I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. I think I just want a safe space. 24, little, ED, mother of 1, pregnant with twins, got some relationship stuff going on. Its kind of a clusterfuck over here.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming