A Land of words

i wonder if ziva wrote in journals when she was running. if like in her office, she carried around with her dozens of black notebooks and wrote about missing Tony and Tali.

I have to update the Tiva fic, edit a few chapters, finish writing one, and post. I also have a crazy book idea building at the back of my mind. It feels foggy now, but I don't know how to sit down with it. I also just finished reading 10 books in the Shadowhunters series, and all I can think about is Emma and Julian. Plus, I have 2 drafts for Substack that I need to finish. The issue is not time, but I feel like my brain is so scattered I just can't think straight.

Reading the same books from when you were a kid and then re-reading them as an adult gives you so much perspective on your growth. Almost 12 years ago, when I read the Shadowhunters Chronicles, I remember how I was so attached to the characters. I couldn't understand why the story went the way it did, and my opinions were limited to "omg, why did he die?" and "I cannot bear this." But now, as an adult, I feel those emotions 100 times stronger, but in a wiser way. Maybe it's because I understand grief better, but I just can see now where an author is going with something, and how that might reflect an actual truth in a world.

I just read Lady Midnight for the first time.

I ended up reading the Infernal Devices, all of the Mortal Instruments books, and Tales of the Shadowhunters Academy. And I have too many thoughts. Please save me from my own thoughts.

One thing I'm learning about myself as a writer is that I'm better with a structure. Maybe it's because I have been in school all my life, and I'm used to being told what to do. Or maybe because my engineering brain likes to follow clear directions. But writing this TIVA fanfic with a knowledge of the big lines of what happened, and an idea of where I'm going and the big scenes, is extremely helpful.