trouble

We're still sensitive about it, centuries later, Ryan. It's a very serious matter. The meth lab comment did make me chuckle, though, because it's so true. Canada just minds its own business while the war rages on. Kind of like a nicer Switzerland, which is hard to top. Thank you for the dual compliments, they've gone right to my head and I'm taking it to heart. Being thought of as kind is the highest compliment, in my book. You...are okay, in turn. Timers sound like a lot of fun. I do like a good countdown. Tell you what, if you pick a time and I can hold out however long you choose, I should get a prize of my choosing. If you win, you get whatever you want. Sound fair?

A nicer Switzerland? That's saying something. We might have to put that in our tourism campaigns, if you don't mind me quoting you and proposing it to the man in charge. Who wouldn't want to go to where Emily Blunt suggests? You should take my comments to heart, I say them with my own heart, I'm nothing if not sincere, Em, you should know that by now. Except, you know, when I'm being an asshole, but at least I haven't reached DJ proportions of that... yet. I'll take "okay." That sounds like a blast, although it's killing me to not be able to outwardly ask what kind of prize you have in mind. We might need to set some limits on that, I don't want your imagination running too wild, now. Not that it matters, I guess, if I'm more likely to win, based on precedents set before.

Excellent answer. When they go to make the movie about my life, and they have to cast you as a dashing middle-aged man, I'll be sure to get someone good. Nothing animated? You don't want to voice a character? What if it's someone really cool, like...a Troll, look at what that did for Justin Timberlake's career! It could be the boost you need. You can't be so secretive to your best friend, Ry. You can tell me anything. I'm not the one with the hyper-realistic ghost tattoo. That's all you, bud, ergo you're the ghost. Emily's been saint of the year for having to hang out with you, it's like our duties have shifted and I'm relieved to get a day off from it. You haven't been annoying her too badly, have you? The Oscar needs to be boasted about, just like how your Golden Globe needs to be. I sure will, and I'm hopefully going to find a way to grab lunch with you one of these days. Where are you at in the world? I'm choosing to ignore the full circle moment, having a trophy shipped to your house for you being the 'bravest boy' so you can harp on something else.

I'm nothing if not agreeable. Oh, wow, I'm glad to know that you've created your biopic already in your head. I think when they were supposed to give me an ego they gave it to you instead, Stone. Voice acting just doesn't appeal to me, who knows what weird character they'll animate and use my vocal cords for? I could wind up being a My Little Pony or a gnome or something. Yeah, JT was really floundering before Trolls came to be... what boost do I need? Elaborate, please. I can be plenty secretive, thanks, it's all part of my mystique. I'm told to some people it's appealing, even if not to you. Mmm, not going to agree. She really is a saint, and I really have been annoying her to no end. If I'm not annoying an Emily, then what am I doing this for? It's my favorite thing. I'm glad that we're acknowledging other people's awards for once. Lunch sounds like a blast, maybe you can get a beer or two into me and I can open up the vault (not.) I'm in LA as of right now, due to head over to London soon but happy to travel wherever. Thinking about getting a private plane, someone sold me on them recently. Please. Bravest Man.

Something, something, tea in the harbor and all that, it's all I ever hear about. When they're not talking about the goings-on of the royal family, they're talking about the tea. Bit tiring when the chocolate's just the worst and everyone needs to know about it. You make me many things, affable's just the top of the list. As if I'm not warm and friendly already, I guess you just double that. I think we'll just have to wait and see if we can tolerate being around each other on a set, the first time was just really hard. Wow, he's down to 15, ladies and gentlemen, he knows how to get down to business. Absolutely nothing of note, darling - I think just how much fun we can cram into hanging out.

Struck a nerve, did I? Blame the Americans, Canada is just chilling up north while you two fight all of the time. We're like the apartment above the meth lab. Start working that into your acceptance speeches. Tell everyone about how thankful you are for your director, and how terrible Hershey's is in the same sentence. I'm sure they'll applaud you for telling the truth. You're plenty warm, and friendly. I love your warmth and friendliness, especially when they come hand in hand. It was hard. But we got through it. I believe in you, do it for the fans, Em. I do. I prefer to have more time on my hands but I can do plenty in just a few minutes. We can set a timer the next time we hang out if that's fun for you.

The Americans know that I'm right. You know those companies that make wax melts, but they look like real things? You could put a real Hershey's and a fake wax melt next to each other, I would not know the difference. Eating anything with someone else is an experience I recommend. You just make it really easy to agree to anything. Tension and chemistry aren't interchangeable these days? We have a mini amount of both. We're gonna be stuck having to interact with each other day in and day out, and I'm gonna have to be more gullible about your hats? No, thanks, I think I'll make my schedule busy enough to get me to turn it down. 45, huh? I think I can manage that. The question's more if you can.

This Canadian knows that you're right, but I wouldn't be trying to dictate the behavior of the US from your British throne. That hasn't gone well, historically, at least if I remember correctly. I'm all about eating with a friend, it's better to share, didn't you ever learn? I make you affable, do I? I think you're the first person to tell me that. Tension and chemistry are totally different, I can't describe the how and the why I just know that it's true. Just a mini amount? Wow. Well good luck with whatever work you can find that compares with our box office-breaking action sequel. I guess I'll see you in the movies. ...you'd be surprised what I can get done in 15, but maybe I want to savor the event. What were we talking about again?

American chocolate is barely even chocolate more than it is candle wax. We have to have the good stuff, Ry. I like the way you think, count me in for this chocolate tour. Glad to hear that you're on board with helping me out. Nobody does it like you. Jury's still out on whether we're friends or not, we have that tension that keeps people guessing. I was just talking to Billie about Fall Guy 2, if that gets announced and we have to see each other all the time, we're screwed. Minimum? For me, maybe half an hour? An hour? Depends on the activity.

Hey, you said it, not me. Don't get mad when the Americans attack you in an uproar because you insulted their favorite Hersheys bar. I'm glad you're interested, tasting chocolate alone just isn't the same, I'd much rather do it with you. No? Well, I'm flattered. Mmm, yeah, tension, that's whey call it. It's definitely some kind of tension between us. Limited chemistry, though, no idea how we got through that movie. We are definitely screwed if Fall Guy 2 is on the cards. I'm not sure I'll be able to handle seeing you every day in a new hat again. Let's split the difference and see what you can get done in 45 minutes. Consider it a challenge.

What other countries have good chocolate? I'll keep a list running so we can refer to it when we're itching to travel somewhere. You're right. I came back from Canada so full of Canadian nationalism that I was sore from it for days. Also felt fairly empty once the initial buzz wore off, so...going to need a refill of it stat. Yeah, I guess we just don't know if we can tolerate each other for long periods of time. Best to err on the side of hanging out less. I'd like to think I excel under a time constraint, Mr. Gosling. Maybe you'll find that out someday.

A lot of good ones, although I think we've got American chocolate covered for life. I say we start with the UK and Belgium and then head across to the land of Lindt, Switzerland, at some point over the summer. I wouldn't want you to feel empty, Em, we'll get you your Canadian fix as soon as possible. Mmm, yeah, those long days on set sat side-by-side telling bad jokes were no indicator of whether we really like each other. Now I'm all different kinds of intrigued. How much time are we talking, minimum, for an excel-lent hang out?

Like the back of your hand, it seems. Fun thought, right? I was thinking the same thing, so we have to do it. We've had enough chip sharing to last us a little bit, but chocolate? New, exciting territory. London boy, my mistake, and I absolutely love that even more. Maybe by the end of it, you'll leave with a little bit more British in you. I mean, I left Canada with a bit of Canadian in me, anything's possible. A couple of hours? That's it? I doubt we can get all of extravagant plans done in a couple of hours, but if I'm on a time crunch, I can make that work.

Chocolate sharing with you is officially on my to-do list for all of the countries of the world. We could become food bloggers, Em, of an extremely specific kind. I'm excited for London, but I am raising my eyebrow at that little bit you mentioned. I would have thought you came back from the Great North filled with Canadian, I mean, how could you not? I guess we'll see how it goes and see if we have any chemistry, first, and they decide if we want to hang out more. Am curious to see what you can do on a time crunch, though.

That's pretty much what happened, to be truthful. Surprised you didn't say chocolate, that's what comes to my mind first, but yes. You're a UK boy this summer, huh? I can't say I do, no. Or if I do, it's probably one of your millions of fangirls. You're a hot commodity, you know. Hard to get any sort of alone time with you.

See? I know you. Oh, chocolate, there's something about the thought of eating chocolate with you that has my head spinning right now, but I can't place it. I am, I'm going to be in London for most of it and although I've filmed there before, I could still use some guidance on what's up in London town these days. That's something special coming from you, everyone out there wants a piece of you, Em. I might be able set aside a couple of hours if you really wanted to hang out.

Hi. Thought long and hard about what far-away country we should explore next. While I do have London on the docket, I think I've been looking for an excuse to go to Belgium. What's your summer looking like? @ryxgos

Hi. I'm picturing you just spinning a globe and landing on different countries you want to explore with me, really appreciating the image. As for Belgium, absolutely yes – waffles and fries are where I'm at in life – and I'll be conveniently close because Project Hail Mary is filming in the UK soon. Know anyone with a vested interest in me being there?

I'm on track to be the most awarded woman in the history of Hollywood, if we're lucky. You as my leading man makes the most sense. Do you want to make history with me or what? You're a vault, I'm just here with my sledgehammer, you know how it goes. Tattoos always got a reason, Ry, that's why you have the ghost on your arm to signify how you ghosted me in your personal and professional life. Excuse me? You're the softest. God help the next woman that thinks she's getting a balls-to-the-walls tough guy, Mr. Flute-A-Pie-Crust. Consider it a good, old stand-off. That I'm gonna win. How could I not be happy? 2nd Oscar under my belt, Dave's been good, it's all coming up Emily Stone these days.

I always want to make cinematic history with you, Em, I'd be honored to be your costar in any project that you could come up with... don't take advantage of that fact too much, please. Nothing animated. I'm an iron vault, you're not getting anywhere with that sledgehammer. Only way in is to know the code and I'm always going to be tight-lipped like you don't even know. I ghosted you? I ghosted you? I think you might have things mixed up a little there. God help any woman that has to put up with me, period. Oh, boy, my pie-making skills have been the talk of the town, haven't they? I blame Ms Blunt. So confident, aren't you? Still boasting about the Oscar, huh? I get it. Glad to hear Dave's doing well, send him my regards, and know that I'm happy you're happy, Emily... even if you scratched my eyes out. Yeah. I went there. Full goddamn circle.

I think every casting director refuses to put our names on the same bill ever again. Which makes me sad and makes me think we need to just do our own movie. I was just talking to Andrew about how I need to start growing my Oscar collection, I think we could do it together. Now you're just baiting me into pressing you for info with an answer like that. I'm good with birds, baby birds specifically, maybe you should share the wealth. You're always soft, I've forgotten how much of a problem it is until just now. I'm happy, yeah. Nice segue. You're not getting more info if I'm not.

We should make our own movie, absolutely, I completely believe in your vision as a director, producer, actress, whatever you want and need to be to win that Oscar because, let's be frank, two Oscars just isn't enough. It isn't. Mmm, lucky for me I'm me and trained to keep all of my secrets humbly inside my guarded chest... you've done interviews with me, you should know that. "Good with birds" isn't something I knew about Emily Stone, but I can believe it – oh wait, you have the bird feet tattoo, I should have known that after all. I'm the furthest thing from soft, and I'm offended to be called that. Is this a stand off? I will win any war of attrition.

Something tells me you're going to pick something from my GQ shoot so that I can address it to your name across my tits. If it's not, I'd be shocked. You really are the easiest target, I hope you continue to stay that way. I can just imagine you playing Oppie, they'd put you in the cool hat and everything. Cillian really killed it (no pun intended), but I think you could do great in a role like that if offered. I may have tuned into an interview or two, I have a lot of free time on my hands with press being over and my summer project not starting for a few weeks. Hence my spontaneity to join you in your homeland. That so? Say the word and I come to you instead, Mr. Gosling. I think a five hour flight might do us some good. You're very egotistical, it's what I hate the most about you. Just like how I hate how kind and charming you are. Tick tock, though - I can have my plane redirected to Los Angeles if you so choose. Now or never.

They are really great tits, Em, I only have so much restraint to keep from saying so on a regular basis. I'll never change. Forty-three and set in my ways. I do like hats, wore quite a few in Gangster Squad and loved every second of it, maybe we have to hope for a sequel to a film that shouldn't have a sequel so that I can be part of that exclusive Oppie club. Well, I appreciate your free time, it's proving to be beneficial to me in so many ways. I'm saying the word, right now, come to me instead so we can fully appreciate the incredible thing that is your private jet. I'll even load up on snacks and champagne and we can make a... not a road trip, an air trip? of it. You're saying I should be more mean? I could be more mean, if that's what you wanted. If that was something that you preferred. I'm offering a resounding yes. My bag is packed.

I'll have it ready for you tonight, just to make you happy. You enjoy the teasing? Good to know I'm not alone in that boat, you're an easy target. You should've been in Oppie if you wanted to be in the group chat so bad, but the Barbie one does sound a little bit more lighthearted. Oppie's just got a lot of skeleton heads and explosions, it's kinda dark. Wow, even more poignant than your 'we wake up' answer to the 'what happens when we did' question. Didn't think you could exceed that. Plush seats, a fully furnished bedroom, enough food to fill you up for days. It's really one of my favorite possessions. You want to travel even further with me? Maybe I should've just flown to California in it, then taken you to Toronto. Turns into a 5 hour flight really quick. Don't let it go too far into your head, I tell a lot of people that I miss them a lot of the time.

Do I get to pick the picture it's on? Because I may have a vested interest in that choice. I am the easiest target, I make your job way too easy for you, Em. Nobody invited me to star in Oppenheimer, you're implying that there was some choice in the matter when in no world was there one. You think I can't handle the dark? Have you been watching my interviews? Gonna give me the hell of an ego if you keep doing that. Did you like my ice cream sandwich answer? I'm more proud of that than the existential one. Wow, well in that case I'm going to want to spend more than an hour and change on that plane. Fully examine all the features, you know. Five hours sounds like the bare minimum. That's a little hurtful, Stunty, and it's still going to 100% go to my head because I'm just that kinda guy, aren't I? Egotistical to the max. You know me.

If you wanted an autograph, you should've just asked. We could've avoided all the lighthearted banter and teasing and just cut to the chase. I think the flattery might be working, just so you know. Despite myself. I'll tell everyone in the Oppie chat that maybe Ken's not so bad. Where did I admit to anything? Coffee and donuts seems like a hard thing to mess up, we're starting off easy. Seen and explored, huh? It's got some pretty comfortable amenities, I think you'll like it for our short hour and change flight. More like the Poppins box office, or the Edge of Tomorrow box office, or the Quiet Place box office...I could go on, but tooting my own horn seems in bad taste. Count me double excited. Kinda been missing you.

As much as I'd love an autograph (please personalize it to Your Favorite Ken), I'd much prefer the banter and teasing. I don't know where I'd be without the teasing. I'm having FOMO at the fact this Oppie chat exists and I'm not a part of it, a little, but it's okay because the Barbie one is in every way superior. Lots of pink heart emojis. Coffee and donuts is the easiest thing to mess up, it's the simple things that are the hardest to get right – that might be the most poignant thing I've ever said. Tell me more about these amenities, and more about this hour. Maybe we should go to a far away location instead, so we can really enjoy them. It's in terrible taste, but there is a lot to be proud of there. You are really something else. Ah-HA! She admits it.

Don't backpedal, own it. Next time you have a fear response, I'll be sure to tell every interviewer about it - if they ever let us work together again, that is. Not sure why we've been apart for so long, but I hate it. Not rare, you just used a lot of emphasis that suggested something specific. Tempted to press you, but not sure if I have the heart to - might make you all soft and then I won't know what to do about it.

I don't think they'll ever let us work together again, but believe me when I say I'm trying. It feels like a lifetime since La La Land, doesn't it? Sometimes I miss the ol' tap-dancing shoes. There's possibly something specific, but I'm treating it delicately right now, like a little baby bird. See? Look at me. Already soft. How insufferable. Are you happy, though? There's a better topic.