canticle of the 𝙼𝙾𝙾𝙽.

Indie Al-Haytham of Genshin Impact. Historically-inspired, AU-centric, canon divergent. Written by Calis.

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There were a lot of things Al-Haytham could stand being. Outfoxed, outgunned, outsmarted; but being hoisted by his own petard wasn't one of them. See, it was supposed to have been a foolproof plan. Or rather, a contingency for situations like this. Seeing as he wasn't an incorporeal being (yet), it was obvious that remaining in a living body meant that there were pesky wants and feelings that would creep into his periphery no matter what he did to avoid them. So, being who he was, the obvious avenue to take was to satisfy those urges just like the inherent need for food and drink. Have enough, but within moderation as so the sensation of starving wouldn't become a pesky issue while he did his work and chased his improbable goal. Sort of like keeping a spacecraft fueled while journeying the cosmos. That kind of thing made sense no matter how it was metaphorically applied.

Herein lay the problem.

Whatever had gone on in the Dreamscape was supposed to stay within its own little bubble, same as everyone else. In retrospect, he probably should've demanded that Su doublecheck whether or not anyone he'd cavorted with had a body in the waking world before foolishly chasing anything, as he was learning. Hindsight was 20/20, right?

If nothing else, it was an opportunity to clear the air.

Just when he was about to quickly reply, an intrusive memory of the last encounter he'd had with Gallagher (the damned hug) paraded across his mind tauntingly and the words dissolved on his tongue, scorched by the heat that enflamed his cheeks so hotly that he felt feverish. Though he mutely and resignedly fell in step of Gallagher (if by a handful of centimeters behind so that the man couldn't see his face without intentionally looking), the retort hadn't come.

"Is it really necessary? I've never really been the type for small talk," Al-Haytham recovered valiantly, scanning their surroundings with feigned disinterest. "Maybe someday they'll have a better way of entering the Dreamscape instead of by getting your clothes wet. So, the waking up part isn't my favorite."

"In any case... do I really have to beat around the bush?" Kaleidoscopic eyes slid to the other man significantly. "I... get it. You play along with people in the Dreamscape as an employee, former or not. That's the thing. It's make-believe. I and a lot of people assume it's fine as long as nothing is forced, and it's reciprocated, but... just because you play along and accept it doesn't mean it's fine. Or that you want it. Don't you get tired of being objectified after awhile?"

shallow tea cups, late night studies. a dan heng who had thrown himself into research so as to not think of the gnawing heartache he had been afflicted with since his awakening. sleep chased him down, but dan heng had always been excellent at running. al-haytham’s demeanours had always suggested an aura omit from feeling-driven logic, but overtime, dan heng had come to realise how wrong that was.

‘ i have not lived long enough as myself, and already dan feng’s emotions seem to eclipse my own. ’ amidst ancient notes, a faded watercolour of a white-haired craftsman with a streak of red dashed amidst snowy tresses. ‘ do you know what it is, to long for something that cannot exist anymore ? ’

( two reincarnations pining over their past live's exes, what will they do ? )

"Look at the bright side: at least those memories belong to your life cycle. I'm just an idiot latching on to the connection between two dead men simply because one of them is connected to me. It's hard to be more pathetic than that."

At least he could be blunt about the reality of things. Su had been a blessing, well and truly. Though it could be considered a little odd that he'd become a living nesting doll the second the former MOTH had come into contact with him, that included a million year old eldritch abomination and occasionally her clone, he would've been blind in this universe. With no identity of his own, no memories to recall, Su's solution of letting Al-Haytham in on them had been a boon at first. With fifty-thousand years of them, filling in the void where his memories no longer were at been a boon. But, the problems started when the man with a face and features so similar to his own had become indistinguishable to his unconscious mind, and said mind had latched on to them. What difference could it make?

Al-Haytham hadn't entirely objected to it. As it had prevented him from spiraling into insanity, and having a friendly voice and mirroring face kept him company. Like Su was the inner voice that roped him to stability and kept him there.

Oh, but then the memories with Kevin had turned his lonely heart into a leech. And soon, all the love and unrequited tragedy became his own, drinking it like blood and water all at once; stupid and insatiable thing. He'd like nothing less than to beat the damn thing with a lead pipe, as what had it done but make him fall in love with a dead man.