A Helpful Hint

Don't 'assume', just presume. This way nobody can make that stupid 'ass' comment if you're wrong.

You never have to take anything anyone says seriously, unless they're pointing a gun at you.

There's plenty cause for alarm. Get in on the ground floor and start the hysterics now.

The meek will never inherent the Earth, and neither will the sensitive. Lighten up.

Despite what Sesame Street taught you as a child; running your hand up the crease of someone's ass is never an acceptable hello.

Nobody needs four different names. Pick two, be modest for a fucking change.

Only thing worse than a whacko is a whacko with connections and camouflage.

When you spend your days arguing about politics, the politicians win.

The phrase 'clothes makes the man,' was coined by a jerk-off in an expensive suit.

Instead of waiting on line to go vote, do something that will actually improve your life.

There is nobody who will love you as much as your Mother; unless she's a real bitch, then you're on your own.

Bring up your wife's barren uterus at the office water-cooler. Interrupt the madness with truth.

Having a case of the 'Monday's' is no excuse for acting like a cunt. Lighten up, life is long.

It's quite possible everything is spiraling out of control around you. Join in.

Don't speak off a sit-com script. They're your friends. You can just talk to them.

Don't be afraid to horribly offend someone at least once every week. It's good for both of you.

Chances are; nobody cares.