time to flip the script

JJ forced an exhale out of her chest again. She turned Emily’s proposition over in her head for a second, considering it. It wouldn’t be bad, to catch her breath, to slow Emily down for a second after everything she’d just told her. But JJ didn’t want to stop. She had only slowed down a little already and it was too much. “Later, yeah?” She didn’t mean cheetos or gas later. She meant she’d sort through it later, that they could be alone and slow down together later. Now that this was out and Emily’s questions were answered, JJ figured they could find a little bit of ease in the rest of what they had to do until then. “I just want to get back to the case and keep my hands busy until this is done. He’s not stopping. Let’s just … get to the bottom of this first. Then we can get to the bottom of all my shit if you want. Deal?”

“It’s okay – “ JJ shook her head, “Emily don’t. I’m okay.” The last thing she wanted was something else for Emily to martyr herself on, another guilt the other woman carried around along with everything else on the list of things Emily Prentiss was convinced she could have prevented. “I don’t know that I would have. Even if you had. It’s – I barely want to now.” She smiled a little, at that, finally looking over to try and catch Emily’s eye. JJ picked up her hand and held Emily’s properly this time. “I want to take this place down, Em.” Her eyes were fixed somewhere distant again, not at Emily, not quite out the window. “Even if it’s not part of our case, even if we find no connection. I want to stay here. I want to end it. At least just this one. We can stop what they’re doing to those kids.”

This was the last thing JJ wanted. Any time she thought about these parts of her teen years she just wanted them gone. Even now, when she and Emily were together the way they were, she didn’t want to think about it. She was smart enough, educated. She knew none of the vitriol they had spewed back then was true. And somehow, when it came up she felt that same dread anyway. The tension up her spine that wouldn’t go away. She wanted to just keep it there, push it back down. But this was Emily and Emily never allowed for that and once the conversation started JJ knew there was no way to stop it. Glancing at the other woman only for a second, JJ turned away and pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. She shook her head. “It’s fine. It was a small.. shitty town. And it didn’t – my dad sent me away. It was a camp not unlike this one, a little less religion, a little more therapy and a lot of pseudo science. Some quack who made his money and his name fixing kids. He didn’t – I lasted a week. Maybe two. Fell in line so fast he called it a success. I just – I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted to go back to school and not miss soccer. My dad picked me up and we never talked about it again. But it – it felt like someone sucked my soul out. He didn’t actually change anything. He just scared us enough that pretending was easier. I wasn’t even scared. But I pretended anyway. Just to go home. Never stopped I guess. And I didn’t – I’m fine, Emily. I don’t want you to think it’s – it’s not. I have a psych degree. I’m a profiler. I know it was all bullshit. I just saw that guy in there and heard what he was saying and I got pissed.”

Emily audibly sucked in a harsh breath while she listened to JJ explain her dad sending her away. In retrospect Emily wanted to be having this conversation anywhere but in a car she was driving, somewhere she could actually look at JJ instead of glances between her and the road. She had to settle for reaching over and sliding her hand down JJ’s arm so she could take her hand. “Of course you know it was bullshit. I don’t blame you for what happened back there,” Emily said the harshness in her voice no longer at all due to frustration with JJ. She had to force herself to loosen the tightness in her jaw. It made so much sense. JJ who was good at following rules and playing by the book. Looking back now, Emily could see that some of the things she worried had been about her when things changed between them probably had much more to do with JJ’s past than anything. They stopped at a light and Emily tugged on the hold she had on JJ to try to get her to look at her. “So all the time, all the pretending...” Emily winced as she thought of the toll it must have taken on JJ, subconscious or otherwise. She had pretended long enough about JJ to have an idea what it was like even if she hadn’t been in the rest of her life. “ You kept on for years without that part that felt sucked out?” The light turned green and Emily had to turn away as much as she didn’t want to. She took a deep breath and added, “I’m sorry I never said anything, about myself and being gay, before I was, well, confessing things in your kitchen,” she admitted the last part lightly. “I know it might not have mattered then. Maybe you could have had someone to talk to about that part of you sooner.” She gave an almost shrug and her voice went soft and sincere. “Thank you for talking to me now.”

JJ knows Emily is right, objectively. She’s not even close enough to it to argue back or take any of what Emily says personally. She’s always been logical before emotional, about to sort out the why and how before the outburst. And she knows now that Emily’s right without having to say anything else. Instead of arguing more she pulls one leg up onto the seat as Emily puts the car into drive, something that’ll make her closer to herself, a little more buttoned up in general. But Emily doesn’t quit that easy. And JJ can hear it in her voice, the fishing. It’s so very Emily of her, just tossing questions in the air in the form of statements, like she’s curious and pondering and not asking. “I tried to come out when I was sixteen,” JJ finally said, eyes back to somewhere between the dashboard and the side window. “You weren’t my first.” That was still barely an explanation and JJ wasn’t sure how much more of one she could give. “My dad lost it.”

Emily can feel it in the way JJ leads into it with that distinct use of the word tried and it makes her chest constrict. Her grip on the steering wheel tightens as both hands twist and her knuckles whiten. “Oh JJ,” Emily knows it’s not sympathy that JJ is looking for but she aches all the same. “I had wondered if I was after that night,” she admitted with a soft smile trying to lesson any small part of the weight that felt like it settled in the car. She felt guilty for perhaps not asking or bringing it up sooner. Then she would have known, but things had felt still fragile and Emily was scared she could break what they had. She looked with wide concern filled eyes at JJ all curled in on herself, and nothing that she could say felt like enough. It didn’t stop her from filling the silence. “I’m sorry it happened like that for you. It shouldn’t have.” The place they had just been proved it was still like that for people, but it shouldn’t have been that way. For all her ups and downs with her own mother, she’d taken Emily’s sexuality in stride when she’d finally managed to come out to her “Did your dad, did he...?” The unspoken question after where they had just been hung as Emily was unable to bring herself to ask the question outright. 

“Don’t profile me.” It’s a cop out. JJ knows it. They don’t need to be profilers to know when things aren’t right with each other. They’re long past that. And she doesn’t mean for her response to come out so icy and stern. Emily is the last person she should be mad at and yet right now, she seems like the easy target. The very part of herself JJ was supposed to say away from, the things she’d learned to shove down that were threatening to boil up right now. At the worst time. Every part of it made her furious. “What are there rules now? You get to get upset when things are fucked up and the rest of us don’t?” It’s another icy blow, another punch aimed at Emily who isn’t the target. She hasn’t brought herself to actually look at Emily yet. It’ll be different if she does. And JJ can’t. She can’t. She can only be mad. And that’s every reason to force herself to look at her. Like some distant part of her is telling her this is a different JJ. And she needs Emily to set it back. Slowly she turns her head, meets Emily’s wide, waiting eyes and exhales. It’s that easy. “I’m sorry.” She says immediately. The apology is real and softer but it’s probably another cop out. She tries the good soldier speech instead. “I’m not – it’s just an off day. This case feels personal and it’s got me on edge. I’ll cool it.”

JJ’s words sting and Emily pulls her hand back into her lap. She’s not foolish enough to think that she’s JJ’s real target, but what she says is close enough to home that Emily has to work at letting them slide off her back. The apology helps with that, along with the soft sincere look JJ finally gives her to go along with it.”That’s not really an explanation,” Emily says, look still pointed as she puts the car in drive anyway. She swallows and waits a beat before her own bubbling frustrations surfaces. “Of course you're allowed to be upset. I'd never tell you how to feel. That’s hardly the same going along with bottling it all away and pretending like it’s all fine.” Emily shakes her head because for as many strides as they’d taken in communicating they still left so much unspoken. She gives JJ a few silent glances, realizing she only has vague ideas of what JJ means by the case feeling personal and that sits uneasily with Emily. “This one has hit closer,” Emily decides to speak for herself instead. “Thankfully my own turmoil with who I was at that age was only self-inflicted. I can’t imagine what those poor kids deal with.” She let out wry huff and kept her eyes on the road. “If only he’d known who he was talking to.”

This was never going to end well. The words conversion therapy had set a cold chill up JJ’s spine when they were still back at the station and her body had been frozen that way since, stiff, tense, rigid. Things were good. It had been long enough since her ordeal that the nightmare had gone away, that the pain was gone and her life had a rhythm again. Her schedule was straight with Will again and she saw Henry half of every week as they planned. She and Emily were still … something. Something almost entirely unsaid but definitely entirely understood now. They stayed at JJ’s place, drank wine, ate take out, shared a few too many showers, shared a bed. The rhythm was back, the team was back, Emily was back and together they were better than ever. 

Until this. JJ had set her jaw straight, sure that the fury in her chest was useful, sure that the dread that crept up her spine made her the right person to be here but the more they talked, the worse she was. She wasn’t objective, she was icy. Accusatory and leading. It wasn’t a good way to start an investigation, especially when they had no reason to suspect the people here of actually being involved in their case. She was off her game. Enough so that even Emily had clocked it. JJ shut the door, hard. She leaned her forehead on her hand by the window, running her lip under teeth before Emily spoke. JJ stayed turned away from her, into the window like she could talk to the reflection of her own eyes in the glass and that would be easier. “He knows something. He’s – they’re torturing those kids. I could just tell and it got under my skin. I’m fine. Just drive, Emily.”

It was clear JJ was still all in her head when they climbed into the SUV, Emily taking the driver’s side for once. Emily started the car but she didn’t move to back it out just yet. “So what just went on in there?” Emily searched JJ’s face turning to face her better. “Because that wasn’t the Agent Jareau I”m used to. Do you want to talk to me about what got in your head?” It was technically a question, but Emily hardly meant it as one JJ could refuse, her tone giving her away.

Everything was different now that she and Emily had this relationship between them. Their dynamic was the same, their trust the same, how well they knew each other, all the same but it all made JJ feel a little more vulnerable at work than she ever had before. Like she had someone there that was a home person and that was new. Usually she softened later, at home, with Henry, with Will. But now – having Emily here meant being the same JJ she was at home on the job. And in an entirely different way it meant having something she loved there, and in danger, and outside of the protection of her body at any given moment. It wasn’t like a feeling she could tuck away until later. Emily was a real person, her own person. It made keeping her close important and difficult at the same time, always torn between needing her near by but always winding up softer when she was. That was present now, with Emily’s hand in hers and the careful tone in her voice. “I know,” JJ answered, “I know it’s not my fault. But it’s still – I’ll just feel better when we know Reid’s okay.” It would have to be enough. Sometimes feelings got the better of your head. They rolled the car up to Dinah’s and JJ climbed out with authority back in her step. 

Emily was right, the place was empty. “Looks like she left in a hurry.” There were things strewn about, misplaced and disheveled. Including a packed bag. “Too much of a hurry.” JJ picked the bag up and began combing through Dinah’s things, pulling out a photo of a child from the bottom. “Seems like she packed the most important thing first. This could be what she’s scared of. If this kid is someone she loves – We gotta call Hotch.” 

Wordlessly, JJ picked her phone back out of her pocket and made the call. “Dinah isn’t here,” she explained, pausing upon hearing Rossi’s explanation. “She did? Alright. No – that’s good. We may have found a way to get through to her.” JJ tucked the phone away and turned back to Emily. “Dinah’s with Rossi. She got brought in by local PD. He’s trying to talk to her. We have to get back.” Before she rushed out the door again, JJ stopped, eyes hovering on the photo in her hand. She understood Dinah’s feeling, unsure of whether or not the people close to you could really be close, if it only made things more dangerous. Taking the photo out of the frame, JJ shoved it in her pocket and turned to Emily. “Thank you,” she spoke quietly, “for what you said in the car. I don’t .. mean to brush you off. I’m not sure how to do this all at once. Have you and have Reid in trouble and do my job. It was never hard before. It is now. But I –. it helps. And I’m glad you’re here. Not just so I don’t have to worry but – for me. I’m glad you’re here for me. “

The scene didn’t make sense - the chaos of it and a packed bag that was left behind. Dinah either hadn’t left of her own volition or had been so afraid that speed had been of the utmost importance. The question then became who was she afraid of and running from. Emily moved behind JJ to see the picture of young happy looking child. “Her background didn’t show any children. A nephew maybe?” Or something they’d missed. They’d need to get Garcia to dig a little deeper. Emily felt a protective swell for the boy in the photo. If Dinah was making decisions to keep him safe it changed things. She got lost in thought while JJ was on the phone, wondering how she was able to handle these parts of cases with Henry at home. It was one thing that always upped the stakes for Emily and invested her more in a case. If they could save or keep a child safe, Emily would do anything in her power to make that happen. Innocents deserved to be spared the things they came into contact with.

Emily’s brow knit together suspiciously that PD had Dinah, but she nodded and started for the car before JJ spoke again. “Hey,” Emily almost talked over JJ to stop the unnecessary apology, but her face softened and she went quiet when she recognized the tone. Emily swallowed and nodded, relieved that the “not knowing how” led to her presence helping as opposed to the sudden fear of the opposite. “I didn’t feel like you were trying to dismiss me,” Emily replied equally quiet, eyes wide with emotion and fixed on JJ. The blonde so easily pulled her feelings to the surface. They were each navigating this new and at times overwhelming things. “I... I know what you mean. Or for me it’s been more intense.” Emily gave a small shrug, knowing she and JJ handled things differently. “It’s not like you haven’t been in danger before. It’s just, harder to let the fear and doubt it have it’s moment and then box it away like I used to. It’s louder somehow.” Emily took a deep breath and reached for JJ’s hand to squeeze. “I’ll be here for you as much as I can. It’s really good to know that it helps.” JJ wasn’t talking about her permanence, and yet it felt like the right thing to say. Emily wasn’t running. Not when JJ was standing there and letting her know Emily made things better.  “And I’m glad you’re here for me too." Part of Emily always seemed to need JJ and now she had an extra security she hadn’t before. 

“Every victim with the preacher was connected to the bar,” JJ explained as they walked, much more content to have Emily at her side than to be leaving without her. It helped distract from the feeling of leaving Reid and the rest of the team to wait. And distracted even more from the guilt swirling around in her head about three of them walking into a shoot out and only two of them making it out. JJ could focus on Emily, on the case, on fixing it. She climbed into the passengers seat again, content to keep letting Emily drive for now. Normally she liked the control but wanted to focus on Dinah. “Which means if it’s the people connected to the bar that they’re targeting – she’s scared. We just have to get her to trust us. United front. We trust each other, that’ll help. We’re all women. Somehow we have to get her to feel like a witness and not a suspect. If she thinks we’re trying to protect her, she might give us something.” JJ’s eyes were out the window, elbow on the door and her hand against her head. The words trailed off eventually, a ramble of information more than a conversation and once she had no more, nothing else came out. 

JJ was prepared to oblige Emily’s plan, to go and talk and ask questions and get pushy if they had to. But she stopped, on the words Emily said next, words that had maybe not actually been spoken out loud between them since they’d reconnected at the station. “You feel it too,” she said pointedly, eyes fixed and narrowed on Emily. “That suspicion – like they’re keeping us in the dark on purpose. Something’s wrong.” JJ said firmly, her mind finally made up now that she was sure Emily had a strange sense about it too. She pursed her lips, thinking and curious when her phone rang. 

“Hotch?” JJ stood in silence for a second, phone to her ear listening to everything he said. “We’re on it. Let me know if anything changes. The second something changes.” Once she hung she turned to Emily again. “Reid’s still in surgery. No news. Hotch is with Derek. He’s clear. He’s – “ JJ’s voice lowered now, cautious of who was around them. “They’ve got a theory some of that gunfire was suspicious. Hotch wants us to go find Dinah and bring her in for questions. You good for another ride?” JJ stopped and shifted where she stood, trying to stay casual. “I can take Rossi if you want to be here. But I – that’s bullshit, actually. I can’t take Rossi. I don’t trust this town even a little and I’d feel a hell of a lot better if we stuck together.”

Emily’s nod was small, reassured that she wasn’t letting her own personal trust issues lead to paranoia. If JJ agreed too, something was up. It’d be unlikely that both of their instincts were off. Emily tried to think back over her interactions of the last couple days and who would have a motive to keep them out of the loop. Emily took the news of the surgery in stride, and shifted casually closer to JJ when her voice dropped to keep their discussion more private. It wasn’t surprising that the others had their own suspicions, and right then all they could do for Reid was figure out what was really going on. “We’re on the same page,” Emily agreed with a confident nod, touching the tips of her fingers to JJ’s arm as they stopped. She had the same thoughts of wanting to keep JJ close. “Like hell I was going to let Rossi have your back instead of me. You’re stuck with me now, Jareau.” Things were serious but Emily smiled anyway to deal the gravity of things. And there was something about knowing that JJ wanted them together too.

JJ nodded, trying to take in Emily’s words. Her worry for Reid was overshadowing most of her head for the time being. He hadn’t looked good. It wasn’t good. But she didn’t want to say that now and worry Emily more than she already was. If she wanted to be the optimist in this moment, JJ was willing to let it be. Even with that bit of optimism, there was still worry and panic pouring off of everything Emily said and it made it nearly impossible for JJ to quiet that small bit of anger that kept flaring up in her chest. “They should have told you,” she muttered again but trailed off in favoring of not bothering with another apology and focusing instead on the questions Emily had as they cleared the station toward finding Garcia. “Yeah it – “ JJ shook her head, lost in though a little, recalling the incident. “It didn’t feel like suicide by cop. He was scared. It was a set up. This was a guy who would rather be dead than get caught but didn’t want either if he could help it. And there was – it was so much gun fire. Like he wasn’t alone. But there was no one else there. I can’t be sure. I was focused on trying to get a clean shot. We can – we’ll talk to Morgan and see if he saw anything.” Once they had Garcia with them, JJ caught her up to speed too and all three of them filed into the car. JJ didn’t argue with Emily’s plan to be the one to drive, even if she wouldn’t have minded keeping control for a little longer. Emily was probably right that she wasn’t in the headspace for it. “Where were they hit?” The ride left ample space for Garcia to ask all of the questions he always did. It was just like her, to need the specifics even when they were hard. “Derek in the shoulder. He was walking. He was on his feet. Reid’s was – it hit his neck.” JJ said nothing else. And this time neither did Garcia. But in the silence that followed, her mind wandered again, that no one had been told, that it could have been her, that Emily had been worried, and in JJ carefully and quietly dropped her hand across the center console to Emily’s knee and left it there.

Emily’s head stayed focused straight ahead but her eyes briefly cast down to JJ’s hand on her knee when it settled there. It was a welcomed silent comfort that Emily was glad JJ didn’t pull away as the drive continued quietly. Emily worked her jaw from side to side as her stomach churned uncomfortably with the knowledge of how desperate things were for Reid. So much gunfire JJ had said. Emily had to shake off thinking on it even as the why pricked at the back of her mind. The air felt heavy with anxiety and tension, though there was a warmth to JJ’s gesture. Emily distinctly recognized the feeling from when thy stayed together. The way a simple touch from JJ made her feel stronger and less willing to give in to the grave thoughts that plagued her. It was actually something JJ had always done for her. Unknowingly keeping the dark at bay. Emily could see it more clearly now how JJ anchored her when she needed something solid. 

The badges made things easy once they got to the hospital, staff ready to help. “Garcia, you go check on Morgan while JJ and I will see what information we can get on Reid.” Emily glanced to JJ to ask for silent confirmation. Morgan’s condition would be far easier for Penelope to handle. “He’ll want a friendly face and we will come find you once we know something. And don’t let Morgan convince you he’s allowed up without a full clean bill of health. Get tough on him if you need to”  If Garcia suspected that Emily had any other motivations in keeping close to JJ, she didn’t let on and easily agreed. “Can you pull out the old liaison hat and talk to the doctors while I can be good moral support?” Emily asked JJ once it was only them. JJ knew people and how to get information and answers. Emily would be there whatever those answers happened to be. She didn’t know if JJ similarly felt stronger when they were together, but Emily hoped she did because right then they all could use what extra strength they could get. “I hate to say it but I honestly don’t want to trust information from anyone except the original source at this point.” Intentional or not, they had been left in the dark which they couldn’t afford when it came to Reid. Already Emily was trying to not let panic set before they knew details.

Their job was never easy. It was always hard, always dangerous. But some days were more dangerous than most. Some days were scarier. Some days left JJ operating on instinct, clutching on the trigger of her gun, worried for the lives of her team mates. Today was one of those days. This was one of those cases, where they couldn’t find the answers and things weren’t slowing down. Fortunately, she was good at slowing in the chaos and JJ did just that, drove back to the station to talk to others, to get Emily and Garcia and bring them to the hospital so they could all be together. She hadn’t thought about it until she was in the car – how grateful she was that Emily hadn’t been there, that she wasn’t worried about anyone else’s life that she loved right now. 

JJ entered the station in quick determined strides and was met immediately with a panicked and distraught looking Emily. Something clenched like anger in her chest, a different sort of anger than she was used to, one that had her wanted to grab the nearest small town Texas cop and read him the riot act like only a mother could. She quieted that tension and settled her focus on Emily, on big, glossy eyes and the warm hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I thought you knew. I –” Her eyes shot over her shoulder anyway, around the station. Had everyone here just watched her team panic and said nothing? JJ tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, that the specifics hadn’t been passed on. But it didn’t settle right anyway. JJ lifted her hand to gently hold Emily’s arm as well. “I’m okay,” she assured again with a nod. Disheveled a little, worried about their friends, but on her feet. Which was more than anyone else could say. “He just open fired. It was a set up. He ran. Derek and I caught him but – He’s gonna be fine. Spencer’s not so good. We have to get to the hospital. I just came to get you. Where’s Garcia?”

“It’s okay,” Emily assured quickly to JJ’s apology. It wasn’t her fault and Emily was simply grateful she was there now and unscathed. Her hand was gentle and warm on Emily’s arm, the exact kind of non-verbal reassurance she needed. Her expression fell again, because while JJ was safe Reid wasn’t. “Reid will be okay. He always is. That big brain doesn’t know how to give up,” Emily said because she had to believe it herself and she knew how JJ worried about him. “Garcia’s in the other room,” Emily looked back over her shoulder. “I… I didn’t know how you were and you know Garcia and that face she makes when she is upset. It wasn’t helping.” Now that JJ was there and close she could admit how pent up she’d let herself get. Laugh at herself in retrospect. “She’s going to be glad you came to get us. We didn’t even know what hospital the team was being sent to.” Emily allowed herself one more breath and a moment to hold on to JJ before reluctantly letting go. “We can grab Garcia and I can drive us. Let you breathe a little.” Emily shook her head. It shouldn’t have come to this. They knew he hadn’t been the guy. The team should have never have been in danger. “He ran?” Emily clarified. “Doesn’t sound like suicide by cop.” She stuck close to JJ as they went to get Garcia, trying to regain her bearings when it came to this. It shouldn’t have been much different than all the other times JJ had come back from being in the line of fire. She’d loved JJ then just as she loved her now. It was about figuring out how to tell herself it was no different or a better way to box away the worry that had a newfound insistence to it.

Emily was trying to focus on the case, hands on her hips when JJ strode through the doorway. Safe, whole, ponytail bouncing behind her in a sight that almost caused Emily to burst. “JJ!” She had just enough presence of mind to not outright bolt to the other agent. The swell of relief was nearly overwhelming as Emily immediately closed the distance between them. “Thank god you’re okay,” she breathed out, settling for putting one hand on JJ’s arm and sliding it down until she could hold at the crook of her elbow. “They didn’t give us names of who had been shot” The part of her that tended toward paranoia thought that the officers enjoyed the power of keeping the FBI in the dark. Emily’s eyes darted over JJ reassuring herself that she wasn’t hurt, and she visibly swallowed down the lump of emotion in her throat she couldn’t afford right now. They still hadn’t caught who was behind everything. Mills was the fall guy. And they were down two agents. “Morgan and Reid? What happened?” A shootout could have meant anything. Emily hadn’t taken her hand away from where she held on to JJ, like the blonde could provide the stability needed to stop her body that had been vibrating since she entertained the prospect that JJ was headed to the hospital again.

JJ could only smile, wide and grinning and a little too pleased, with how it felt to do things that made Emily happy. She settled into the weight of Emily’s arms draped over her shoulders, thankful for the steadiness they brought. JJ had always appreciated weight. She wasn’t the sort of person who ever wanted to feel weightless. She wanted to feel grounded, home. Like this. “I could join,” she tilted her head, still smiling, now a little more devilishly and leaned up into Emily’s kiss. It was an easy sell and they made their way to the bathroom. JJ never liked being home from work when she could be working. But Emily seemed to be bringing about some changes in the way she dealt with things. Maybe that was better. Maybe the problem with her and Will hadn’t been her all along, JJ considered. Maybe there was something missing in what she was coming home to that didn’t have the same pull. Once they were upstairs, she quickly tossed the shirt she was now only half wearing onto her bed and made her way into the master bathroom and it’s big tub. This somehow felt like her and Emily’s space now, JJ remembered how different it felt that night they’d sat here with Emily at her side, or that first night in the shower with her fear gripping the breath out of her chest. Now it was warm, safe, full of relief. Tugging her ponytail down, JJ shook out her hair and crouched to remove bottles from under the sink, facing Emily once she was standing again. “Lavender or Rose? What’s your floral fragrance of choice?” It seemed suddenly exciting that JJ didn’t know, that maybe there was still parts of them they had to discover, despite years of knowing each other. 

JJ wanted to push. As they settled into the car and Emily thanked her, explained her leaving, mentioned running JJ wanted to push and ask why, what from. It was in her nature to be inquisitive, prone to trying to figure people out the moment she talked to them. It was how she’d spent so many years handling grieving family members and boasting local cops and local news anchors at the same time. Emily was always a little dodgier. She had her tells and her signs but they were better at knowing where to leave things than most people. She didn’t push though. This was good and it was nice and Emily’s thanks were nice. With a small smile and a nod, JJ settled her hand on Emily’s leg, weighted and present. “You’re welcome,” she answered, sincere in her eyes. “I think you did it all on your own  but.. I’m glad you’re here. Really glad.” JJ said nothing else, kept her hand on Emily’s knee and drove them all the way. She hadn’t stopped for take out. They’d order something or cook something. Right now, she wanted to be home. The very thought of it felt more home like than it had in months. Part of her wanted to call Will and see if she could pick up Henry tonight too, make it feel even more like home but it was important to JJ to give this day to Emily while they had it. Henry was with his dad for the night.  And JJ reminded herself she’d see him tomorrow. Once they were home and inside, JJ hastily kicked off her work shoes and unfastened the buttons on her tight blue button down, not for the sake of anything, just because it was what she always did. The shirts were stiff and home was.. home. “It’s your night until they call us,” she smiled, turning to Emily as the door shut behind her. “Dinner? Wine? Scrabble? Baths? Showers? Hours and hours of uninterrupted sleep? What’s your fancy, Agent Prentiss?”

The quiet drive was nice, comfortable with the warm weight of JJ’s hand on her knee. The small physical touch was enough to satisfy that itch of wanting to be close to JJ and feel their connection. Emily followed suit and removed her shoes once they were in the door, her body immediately relaxing in the now familiar space of JJ’s home. “Aren’t you willing to pull out all the stops for me, Agent Jareau,” Emily matched JJ’s smile and moved closer until she could rest her forearms on JJ’s shoulders, hands linked behind her head. It was so different now, the mental panic that used to flare when JJ was cute or smiled at her a certain way was instead replaced with a rush of happiness that Emily could let herself enjoy. She hummed and let her brow knit in to mock dramatically consider her options. “I am usually all for day drinking, but I’d rather save the wine for tonight. I think I could use a nice relaxing bath. And you could join?” Emily suggested with a tilt of her head. “I’d hate to not take full advantage of the extra time Rossi was so nice to give us.” Whether he meant to or not. “And maybe I just fancy having you close.” Emily said happily and gave JJ a quick kiss. She let one hand smooth down the length of JJ’s arm as she moved away, grabbing one of her smaller bags to head upstairs. 

“Right.” JJ answered, almost too quickly. She didn’t know why even hearing Emily talk about the team finding out made her stomach tense and nervous, suddenly, sucking the vibrating, eager warmth out of her fingers and replacing it with something stiff and cold and tentative. “That’s what I want to,” she added, with a half smile and a gentle nod. JJ knew better. She knew she knew better, than to be afraid. It wasn’t fear. It was – maybe hesitation. She swallowed it. They were happy, this was good. Emily was looking back at her with a smile and soft words and there couldn’t be anything in it that needed hiding, even if they weren’t going to talk about it just yet. “I promise I’ll get out as soon as I can,” she added with one last small kiss before traipsing out the door and letting Emily fall into step behind her. “I’m making her go home,” JJ announced to Rossi and Reid who were still standing at a desk near by. “You should have heard about her airport adventure getting here. We need a well rested Prentiss whether she wants to admit it or not.” It just felt like a cover, something that made it sound like JJ’s idea since she knew how much they all hated admitting weakness on any day. Rossi nodded with a crooked smile and laid a hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Why don’t you drive her.” JJ tensed, wide eyed but smoothed over it quickly. “I’m fine,” she shook her head, lifting one hand in front of her. Rossi immediately cut her off again. “I’m not suggesting you aren’t. We have no case right now. Emily should settle in with a familiar face, and a car she doesn’t have to ride in the back of. Go, get out of here. Before Hotch comes back. Both of you.” In any other case, JJ would have said no, but it was tempted, too tempting. Maybe Rossi did know more than they thought. Or he was just being sweet, as he often was. JJ sighed and stole a glance back to Emily to see what she wanted. 

Emily smiled into the last kiss and took one steadying breath before she headed out behind JJ into the office. She held her hands up in a gesture of surrender that JJ wasn’t going to be fought on the topic. And while Emily hadn’t put up a fuss about being sent to JJ’s, she had a feeling that the other agent wouldn’t have insisted had Emily pushed back. Rossi’s suggestion surprised her and after a moment of looking between him and JJ, she nodded and gestured with her hand. “I wouldn’t say no to some extra company and a ride. I’ve had enough small talk with strangers for the day.” Rossi’s suggestion made sense beyond how much she wanted to jump at the chance at more time with JJ. She set her hand at the crook of his elbow and smiled, knowing that he was, like he always did, looking out for her. “Thanks, Rossi. You and boy wonder here try to get by without us.” She fixed them both with a playful look before adding seriously. “But call if anything comes up.” She glanced back at JJ, assuming she’d feel similarly. The BAU wasn’t known for it’s regular or convenient work schedule.