I’m going to say something…Are you listening?

If someone had told you a week ago that this is where you be right now, you would have laughed in their face. Your life was set- you had a good job, and the love of your life. Everything seemed to be in place, but here you are, standing in the shadow of the Sunflower Café somewhere outside Wichita, Kansas with no plan or direction, just the nervous, excited butterflies dancing in your belly.

The amber stalks of wheat in the distance dance lazily in the same summer breeze that gently kisses your cheeks. The fields go on as far as your eyes can see in every direction, the land untouched by the sea of progress like the big cities. You can breathe here. This is what the both of you had been missing.

The two of you had a choice to make; north, west or south. The options were endless. Each one presenting its own unique experience, each one representing a fresh start. The world was yours and Jack’s; all you had to do was reach out and grab it.

You were shocked when he came home one day and told you he was done with the Statesman. That was his life, his purpose, but he’d had enough. He was done with bouncing around the country and tracking down bad guys. He was tired and he just wanted to settle down. ‘Agent Whiskey’ was his past…and you were his future.

It took you all of thirty seconds to agree. You hated that he was gone so often, that he put himself in danger for others. You wanted a quiet life where the two of you could just be together without having to worry about anything else.

You didn’t hesitate when he said he wanted to pack the truck and go. Jack had stolen your heart the moment you met, and this was just another adventure for the two of you. It didn’t matter where you were going; He was your home.

Jack smirks as his boots click against the asphalt. He knew this was the right decision. Being part of the Statesman had been a wild ride; one filled with adventure and excitement. That life had given him the kind of adrenaline rush that he’d never find anywhere else, but his last mission had put things in perspective. He’d danced to close to the edge, and it almost cost him everything. He couldn’t risk himself like that anymore now that he found you.

“Surprise!” Jack whispers as he wraps an arm around you from behind.

Your heart drops for a split second. You were so caught up in your own head that you didn’t even hear him walk up. Suddenly, your field of vision is filled with the sunflower he’s holding in front of your face. Your eyes flutter closed as the sweet, grassy aroma fills your nostrils.

“Where’d you find this?”

Jack’s soft chuckle vibrates against your back. He knew they were one of your favorites and judging by the rise and fall of your chest, he’d succeeded in surprising you.

“There was this adorable little girl sellin’ ‘em to fundraise for her school and I couldn’t resist.”

The corner of your mouth lifts into a little smirk of your own. This man was too predictable sometimes.

“You never could resist a pretty face.” you tease.

His arm went tighter around your waist, pulling you snugly against his body. The soft chuckle escalating to a full laugh.

“You know me too well, sugar.”

Your body melts into his as you laugh too. Jack was a flirt through and through, his natural charm always on display. It was like he couldn’t turn it off.

Jack tilted his chin toward the brilliant orb that hung in the cloudless, cerulean sky. He was more than ready for this journey with you. That nagging feeling in the back of his mind is growing quieter with every mile traveled. This was going to be good for the both of you, he believed that with this whole heart. Taking this leap with you was the best thing he’d ever done.

“We should probably head out. We ain’t gonna get anywhere just standin’ in the sun.”

Long, thick fingers lace with yours as he takes long strides to his black Chevy Silverado. He looked different, like a weight had been lifted off him. His shoulders weren’t sagging, and he seemed to stand up straighter. And his smile…that crooked, cocky smirk. That was the smile that made you fall in love with him. How did you not notice the toll his job was taking on him until now? Was he just that good at hiding his pain and his struggle?

That southern gentleman charm is on full display as he opens the passenger door for you and helps you inside. His steps are light as he moves around the front of the truck and hops inside.

He leans over and pecks your lips, his perfectly trimmed mustache tickling you. You smile as he opens the glove box and pulls out a map, spreading it out over the center console. His deep brown eyes find yours and he chuckles quietly, like he knows a secret he can’t wait to share.

“Alright, sugar. We can go anywhere ya want. All ya gotta do is point to a spot on this little map here and that’s where we’re headin’.”

You chew your lip, and you glance over the map. This was a big decision for the both of you.

A soft breath leaves your lips, and you close your eyes. Your heart beats a little faster as you extend your index finger. This was a time to be bold; to take a chance and make a new life for the two of you. The paper crinkles as you connect with the map.

Jack lets out a low whistle and you open your eyes to see where the two of you will end up.

Waco, Texas

“It looks like we’re headed to the Lone Star state, honey. Good choice.”

Jack lifts your hand and places a soft kiss to the back of it. He had given up on love before you came along. He had convinced himself it wasn’t worth it, not after what happened to his wife and unborn child, but you walked into his life like a breath of fresh air. You were sweet and sassy, sensitive and passionate; he didn’t stand a chance.

This was a gamble. Leaving everything and taking off like this was no small risk. He wasn’t sure how the two of you were going to make it; he just knew that he needed a fresh start. Being part of the Statesman had been a hell of a ride, but this last mission had taken so much out of him. Age was starting to catch up with him, some days he felt like a much older man. The adrenaline rush of catching the bad guys had lost its appeal. The rush he wanted now was to make a life with you. You were his home, and he didn’t want to waste any more time on anything else.

“I know we’re takin’ a big risk, sugar, but we’re gonna be alright. We’re gonna make us a place all our own and we’re gonna be happy.”

You smile and cup his cheek. He was impulsive and reckless, and you trusted him with your life.

“I know, baby. Everything’s gonna work out just fine.”

Soft, pouty lips slant against yours. He kisses you slowly, his tongue gently pushing into your mouth. He kisses you like you have all the time in the world. His kiss is honest and soft, filled with unspoken promises.

He pulls away, pecking your lips one more time and smiles against your mouth.

“Ready to hit the road?”

You nod your head. This was going to be the adventure of a lifetime.

Shifting back into the driver's seat, Jack puts the truck in reverse. A minute later, you’re back on that two-lane highway in the middle of nowhere. Little farmhouses jut out here and there among the sprawling fields as you speed past.

You close your eyes as the sunlight streams through the window and warms your skin. Jack laces his fingers with yours and you turn your face to look at him. The two of you don’t need words. This bond between you is stronger than that.

The steady, low rumble of the tires on the road harmonizes with the music on the radio. Your eyelids get heavy, and you drift off to sleep.

You dream of your own little farmhouse. Maybe some horses; maybe a few chickens and a dog. A place where Jack is home every night and the two of you sit on the porch swing; drinking coffee in the morning and watching the sun go down in the evening. You can almost feel the breeze coming through the kitchen window as you’re making dinner and you never have to worry that Jack may not be coming back.

This dream is like heaven; a heaven that you could make a reality. The possibilities are endless.

Joel Miller

Play innocent @time-for-my-weekly-spanking

Joel gets a batch of pills with strange side effects. He decides that it would be a shame to waste them. After all, he can use them to get something: you

You should feel lucky | part 10 | part 7 @ess-evo

Welcome to Stalker!Joel...He wants you, and he is going to find you

The last night @ess-evo

The summer before your senior year, you returned to your Texas hometown to stay with your dad. You spent the break working to save money, leaving little room for fun—until your dad insisted on a “going away party.” Hooking up with his best friend, Joel, was definitely not part of his plan

Ride him rough @shadowqueen2024

For the last week and a half, Joel has been busy working himself to the bone to get ration cards for the deal he was trying to make with some people through the QZ. This left you feeling hornier by the day, and usually, he'd be able to fuck it right out of you. But now that he's busy again, you decided to take matters into your own hands, unaware that he comes back earlier than expected

Daddy issues | chapter 5 @aurorawritestoescape

Dilf. That's what young women think when they see Joel. He doesn't mind. In fact, he welcomes it and uses his status to get what he wants. His scheme works smoothly until he meets you. You seem to be the only one who sees through his bullshit, the only one he should avoid. And now the only one he craves

Lead me not into temptation | part 21 | part 22 @tateypots

Reverence @peepawmiller

After a string of mishaps at work keeps Joel away for far too long, you come up with the perfect way to help him unwind

Fade into you @aurorawritestoescape

‘Mysterious girl’ — that’s what people in Jackson call you because of your amnesia. All your memories lost, alone in the world, you’d probably be miserable and lonely if it wasn’t for your saviour, Joel Miller— a man who filled a hole in your heart with love and became your friend, your lover, your family. He makes you happy and you accept him with all his flaws. During a heated argument Joel reveals a shocking truth about your past and you come face to face with a dilemma — can you trust the person who became your whole world?

Javier Peña

Everytime you go away @jennaispunk

You have very few vices and the biggest one is Javi. It can never be serious but tell that to your heart

Marcus Acacius

This never happened part 2 @rosharanfiction

The Friday before you start your new job, you get drunk and kiss a hot stranger. But it turns out Marcus isn’t just any stranger. He’s your brand-new boss, the guy who seems to get you like no other, and the last guy on earth you should want to kiss again

Reed Richards

Pass/fail @604to647

You have a foolproof plan to guarantee a passing grade in your stepdad’s class this semester. Professor Richards couldn't possibly outsmart you, could he?

Marcus Pike

Beauty sleep @peepawmiller

Marcus loved it when you stole his clothes. Loved it even more when you paraded around in them like an insatiable temptress. It's like you wore his clothes for the specific purpose of letting him unwrap you. To unearth the beauty hidden under his too-large button downs, or the oversized sweats you had to roll three times in order to walk safely around the apartment. But his favorite was the FBI t-shirt. Because it had a very. Specific. Meaning

Dave York

Not a lot, just forever @baronessvonglitter

Your married ex Dave told you it's over. You're totally normal about it.. right?

Ted Garcia

Office hours | part 4 @baronessvonglitter

You and Mayor Ted Garcia have kept your working relationship strictly platonic. But so much can happen after office hours

Frankie Morales

Goodbye @cozymochaa

Grief has never been something you've been able to navigate. it comes and goes in waves, and you never know when the dam will finally break

Come undone @bergamote-catsandbooks

You and Frankie navigate a relationship that isn't supposed to be one

Harry Castillo

Earned it @cozymochaa

Harry is a man who always needs control. But when you come along, the lines between lust, obsession, and love start to blur, and he gets the urge to let go completely

Multi p boys

Crosshairs | part 3 @rosharanfiction (Joel Miller x Javier Peña)

There’s something about Jackson’s newest resident that gets under Joel’s skin. It’s not just Javier Peña’s cocky attitude that Joel can’t stand - it’s his tight pants and his too-smooth voice, and especially the way he’s sleeping with half of Jackson. But Joel can’t deny that Javi is a damn good shot, so when raiders make camp in the nearby mountains, he begrudgingly agrees that they can work together. Soon their rivalry shifts into an attraction, as fever-hot as it is terrifying. But Javi’s not the kind of guy who does commitment, and Joel doesn’t want to let him get too close. As feelings start to spiral and raiders close in, Joel and Javi both have to fight for their lives - and maybe for each other, if they decide it’s worth the risk

Good behavior @magpiepills (Ted Garcia x reader ; Tim Rockford x reader)

Reader, you are an inmate at Tim’s prison and he owes a favor to the mayor

My writing

Never tear us apart | part 1 | part 2 (Joel Miller x reader)

September 26th. The day the world went dark, you were on the other side of the country, separated from the love of your life For 20 years, you and Joel have been surviving, unaware of what happened to each other, until your paths finally cross again

Most people would be out on the town on a Friday night, enjoying the bars and nightlife Bogotá has to offer, but not you. You sit at home on your couch, waiting. He’s going to knock on your door any moment now, he always does at this time of night. You sip your glass of wine and stare at the stack of ungraded papers spread over the coffee table. You had assigned your fifth-grade class an essay and now came the laborious task of reading them.

Why you do this to yourself, you’ll never know. Javi doesn’t love you and he probably never will. You are an outlet for him, a place where he can unload his stress and drown his worries inside you. You’re no better than a whore, but at least whores get paid. You let him use you for free. You let him use you and leave and you never ask for anything in return. You’re always there with a soft smile and a willing body. Damn, you wish you could turn him away, tell him that this isn’t working for you anymore, but you can’t. You’re in love with him, you have been since the moment you met at that boring Embassy party. The thought of him not being in your life hurts worse than being his fuck toy; at least you get to touch him, kiss him, give him some sort of comfort.

“Hey, cariño.”

He props himself against the doorframe, his lean body drawn to its full height. His leather jacket creaks as he moves his arm, and heat slowly spreads through your chest.

You silently make way for him to enter your apartment and softly close the door behind him. He moves across your apartment with feline grace, like he owns the place. You suppose he does, in a way. No other man has spent so much time in your apartment since you moved to Columbia.

He prowls over to the small bar near the kitchen and pours himself some whiskey. A soft chuckle fills the air as he realizes it’s his favorite brand. There’s only one store in Bogotà that sells this brand and it’s not that close to the school or your apartment. His heart squeezes in his chest, you really are too sweet for him.

He lands heavily on the couch, the familiar mixture of cigarette smoke, aftershave and whiskey invades your nostrils. The scent fills you with a myriad of emotion and your bottom lip finds its way between your teeth.

He lights a cigarette and takes a long drag as you settle onto the couch next to him. He’s the only one you would ever let smoke in your apartment. You sit close enough to touch him, but you don’t. Javi likes to be in control, and you wait for him to make the first move.

He shouldn’t do this to you. You should be with someone who could give you everything you need….someone who wasn’t him. He wasn’t any good for you, he knew that, yet he showed up at your door like he always does, and you let him in.

He knocks back his whiskey in one fluid gulp, his Adam’s apple bouncing as he swallows. You look so goddamn sexy in those silky lavender sleep shorts. His left hand clenches and unclenches trying not to jump you right then and there.

“What’s all this?”

He jerks his head toward the chaos in front of you. Leaning forward, he sets his empty class on the table and picks up the top sheet of paper.

The corner of your mouth tugs upward as he studies the paper with intensity. You could almost make yourself believe this is what it would be like if the two of you were actually a couple, the two of you sharing a quiet moment after a long day.

“My students had to write an essay on their dream job. I was trying to get a head start on grading them.”

His signature smirk played on his lips as he read.

“The Ambassador’s son wants to be a DEA agent, huh? Bet she loves that.”

Your soft laughter lifts over the quiet music you had playing in the background. The Ambassador had no love for the DEA agents working in Columbia, especially Javi and his partner Steve.

“Maybe I should have you come in and talk to the class.”

You were only half joking but the thought of the tough and stoic Javier Peña standing up in front of a group of ten year olds makes you smirk.

He drops the paper and loud sigh escapes his lips as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You know exactly what that means.

“Tough day?” you ask quietly.

He tells you about his day while you listen silently. He leaves out the worst parts, of course. He can’t bear to tell you the whole truth, not wanting to subject you to the worst parts of his job. You don’t need that.

His large, warm hand rests on your bare thigh. As he talked, his hand caresses your skin, his fingers kneading your soft flesh. The need to feel you, to possess you is almost overwhelming and he grits his teeth. Those lavender silk pajama shorts are killing him, so much of your creamy flesh is exposed to him. His hand snakes further up your thigh as he takes a deep breath.

You watch his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed, the heat burning between your thighs. You shouldn’t want this; you know exactly what this is, but you can’t help yourself. You need to hang onto him, even if what you have isn’t real. This is enough. Oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Want a refill?”

You already know the answer. He never gets drunk with you. He never has more than one drink when he’s with you, but you always ask. You’re just buying time, trying to stretch out the time spent together as long as possible.

He shakes his head slowly. His shoulders sag like he’s carrying the weight of the world. He knows he shouldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this, he should have just went to see Vanessa or one of the other girls. He hadn’t done that in weeks. You’re the only one who can give him what he needs.

“Come here, cariño.”

He pulls you into his lap and wraps his hands around your waist, keeping you settled securely in his lap, right over the bulge in his grey jeans. The heat from his body soaks into yours and desire pools at your core.

He couldn’t look you directly in the eyes for more than a few moments at a time. He knew exactly what he’d see there. He’d see the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, and he knew that he was ruining you. He knew that you would never ask for more than he gave you and that broke his heart.

His lips crash against yours, his soft tongue plunging deep into your mouth. The wine on your tongue mixed with the whisky on his and he gripped your hips tighter. He wanted to lose himself in you, let you calm his raging soul, if only for a brief time.

Javi’s thick fingers snake up your back and into your hair. His grip is firm, but not painful. He doesn’t want to hurt you, even though that’s exactly what he’s doing. The pain may not be physical, but he was causing you pain, nonetheless.

He tilts your head back, his lips trailing down your neck. Vanilla and cherry fill his nose, a scent that’s uniquely you, driving his need for you even higher.

His teeth lightly graze your skin, and you moan softly. He knows just how to touch you, which parts of you are the most sensitive and he played your body perfectly.

He wraps your legs around his waist as he stands. His mouth is on yours again and he kisses you deeply as he takes the familiar walk toward your bedroom. It’s a trip he’s taken enough times that he doesn’t need his eyes to know where he’s going.

Your body looks so beautiful spread out for him on your soft sheets. You’re always so willing to let him have you anyway he wants. You give yourself to him so freely. How could someone so pure want someone like him? He’s not a good man and he doesn’t pretend to be. He did horrible things, told himself it was for the greater good but was it really? Are the things that he was doing worth it?

Javi slowly unbuttoned his shirt as he stood between your parted legs. He knows you like to watch him undress and he is more than happy to give you a show.

His smooth, tan chest is exposed to you little by little, making you throb harder with every pop of the buttons. The belt came next, unlatching it one handed as his other hand strokes your thigh.

You squirm as he unbuttoned his pants, giving you a peek at the small curve of his belly and the strip hair that led to the thing you wanted most.

He gently jerks you to a siting position. Practiced hands pull your tank top over your head, exposing you to him. He kneels before you, his soft lips brushing your neck. You’re so sensitive to him and it only serves to make him even harder.

Teeth gently nip at your exposed skin as he makes his way down your body. You are soft and so much of his world was rough. You soothe him, you make him feel whole.

“Javi…”

Just like always, you’re putty in his hands. You let him mold you in his image, desperate to have any piece of him that you could. You’d take anything he gave you. Despite what he might think, he’s a good man. You’ve seen how much he cares about his work and the people closest to him.

“Shhh, cariño….I’ve got you.”

His lips and tongue tease at your nipple, and your fingers tangle in his hair. He chuckles lightly into your skin as he plays your body like an instrument.

He pushes you back onto the bed and pulls off your shorts. His pupils are blown with lust as he marvels at the sight before him.

In a perfect world, he would take his time with you, he would treat you as gently as you deserve but he couldn’t. If he did, he’d only drag you down with him and he couldn’t live with that on his conscience. It was better to keep you at arms length, keep you safe.

His fingers drag through your wet folds and dip inside. He can’t hold back a strangled groan as your heat surrounds him. He works you slowly, opening you up for him until the tingle in your lower abdomen tells you it won’t be long before you came undone for him.

Your body clenches around his digits, your moans filling the room. Stars blind you as your orgasm ripped through your body with a vengeance. Javi’s hushed voice works you through it until you whimper his name.

You didn’t give you much time to recover before he was pulling off his jeans and his body covered yours, settling between your thighs. His weight on you feels good, comforting even but it shouldn’t. For now, you pretend this was more than it was. You pretend that this meant something and not just a way for him to release his tension.

He intertwines your fingers with his, pinning your hands to the bed. Holding your hands like this is the only bit of intimacy he allows himself.

He pushed himself inside you, holding back a moan. All his worries vanished as your warmth surrounded him. He’s lost in the feel of you, the way you grip him so tightly. He’s convinced this is the closest he’ll ever come to heaven.

His pace steadily increased as you moaned for him, making those sounds that he loved to hear. You sang so beautifully for him.

You mewled as he hit the spot that only he could reach, and you knew you were close to coming for him once again.

You cried out his name and your walls squeezed around him.

“That’s it, cariño…don’t fight it.”

You tried to hold back. You wanted this to last as long as possible because you know as soon as it was over the spell would be broken. You’d have to face the reality that you loved a man that didn’t love you back.

“Be a good girl and come for me.”

You obey his command, and your walls fluttered around him as your second orgasm hit you. It felt like an electric shock through your entire body. Every nerve in your body fired all at once.

You whimper softly as the aftershocks ripple through you. Javi never stopped, working your through your orgasm once again as you whine and cry for him.

He picked up his pace and his hips slap against you as he chased his own release. His hips stutter as he buries his face into your neck and spilled himself inside you, painting you with his seed.

He laid on top of you for a minute, breathing you in and taking advantage of the last few moments he had you like this. He couldn’t let himself linger too long and he rolled off you, reaching down for his jeans to grab his pack of cigarettes.

Your mind was still hazy as you roll onto your side, watching him rest against the headboard and light his smoke. This was yet another thing you only did for him, you would never let any other man smoke in your bed.

He smirked at you as the cloud of smoke obscured his face. It was his way of telling you he was satisfied. He couldn’t say it out loud, that would be too much.

He crushes the butt into the ashtray on the nightstand and laid back down. He smooths the hair from your face, tucking the strands behind your ear. It’s the only bit of comfort he can offer you. It’s not nearly enough, he knows that, but he can’t let himself give you more.

“Get some sleep, rana (frog).”

A giggle bubbles up from the depths as you hear that stupid nickname he gave you. Not long after you first met, he told you that you reminded him of Sally Field’s character in “Smokey and the Bandit”, his favorite movie. You thought he was crazy, but somehow the nickname just stuck.

You didn’t want to sleep because you knew what came next. You knew he would leave once you were out. He would leave the way he always does, like a thief in the night. Did he know that he was also leaving with your heart? Did he even care?

Sleep finally took you. You never could stay awake long after being with him but maybe that was for the best. If you were awake when he left, would you be able to resist the aching need to ask him to stay? You didn’t think you were that strong.

He watched you for awhile as you slept. You looked so peaceful in that state, like an angel. Maybe you were…. maybe you were here to save him even though he didn’t deserve it.

He quietly disentangles himself from the sheets and looked back at your sleeping form one last time. You look so beautiful with your messy hair and your soft body wrapped up in the sheets. His heart ached to tell you how he felt, how he longed for you, but he could never do that. You’re too good for him; he’d only ruin you with his roughness. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you. You belong with someone better than him: a doctor or a lawyer, someone who would treat you the way you deserved. You’d drown his darkness; it would swallow you up and change the very essence of who you were. Still, he came back, time after time, taking everything you gave him without so much as a complaint. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t let you go. He loved you…you were the one thing that kept him sane. Maybe one day he could be the man you needed but today was not that day.

The sun streaming through your bedroom window woke you. Just like always, you woke up alone. The bed cold and empty next to you, but his scent still lingered. You roll over and bury your face in the pillow allowing yourself to breathe him in the way you never dare let yourself when he’s here. Admitting your feelings is not an option but that’s all you want to do. Maybe one day you’ll be brave enough to look him in the eye and tell him you want more. You can handle his darkness; you’ve been doing it for months even if he doesn’t realize it. Maybe next time you won’t just fall asleep…. you’ll ask him to stay.

Most people would be out on the town on a Friday night, enjoying the bars and nightlife Bogotá has to offer, but not you. You sit at home on your couch, waiting. He’s going to knock on your door any moment now, he always does at this time of night. You sip your glass of wine and stare at the stack of ungraded papers spread over the coffee table. You had assigned your fifth-grade class an essay and now came the laborious task of reading them.

Why you do this to yourself, you’ll never know. Javi doesn’t love you and he probably never will. You are an outlet for him, a place where he can unload his stress and drown his worries inside you. You’re no better than a whore, but at least whores get paid. You let him use you for free. You let him use you and leave and you never ask for anything in return. You’re always there with a soft smile and a willing body. Damn, you wish you could turn him away, tell him that this isn’t working for you anymore, but you can’t. You’re in love with him, you have been since the moment you met at that boring Embassy party. The thought of him not being in your life hurts worse than being his fuck toy; at least you get to touch him, kiss him, give him some sort of comfort.

“Hey, cariño.”

He props himself against the doorframe, his lean body drawn to its full height. His leather jacket creaks as he moves his arm, and heat slowly spreads through your chest.

You silently make way for him to enter your apartment and softly close the door behind him. He moves across your apartment with feline grace, like he owns the place. You suppose he does, in a way. No other man has spent so much time in your apartment since you moved to Columbia.

He prowls over to the small bar near the kitchen and pours himself some whiskey. A soft chuckle fills the air as he realizes it’s his favorite brand. There’s only one store in Bogotà that sells this brand and it’s not that close to the school or your apartment. His heart squeezes in his chest, you really are too sweet for him.

He lands heavily on the couch, the familiar mixture of cigarette smoke, aftershave and whiskey invades your nostrils. The scent fills you with a myriad of emotion and your bottom lip finds its way between your teeth.

He lights a cigarette and takes a long drag as you settle onto the couch next to him. He’s the only one you would ever let smoke in your apartment. You sit close enough to touch him, but you don’t. Javi likes to be in control, and you wait for him to make the first move.

He shouldn’t do this to you. You should be with someone who could give you everything you need….someone who wasn’t him. He wasn’t any good for you, he knew that, yet he showed up at your door like he always does, and you let him in.

He knocks back his whiskey in one fluid gulp, his Adam’s apple bouncing as he swallows. You look so goddamn sexy in those silky lavender sleep shorts. His left hand clenches and unclenches trying not to jump you right then and there.

“What’s all this?”

He jerks his head toward the chaos in front of you. Leaning forward, he sets his empty class on the table and picks up the top sheet of paper.

The corner of your mouth tugs upward as he studies the paper with intensity. You could almost make yourself believe this is what it would be like if the two of you were actually a couple, the two of you sharing a quiet moment after a long day.

“My students had to write an essay on their dream job. I was trying to get a head start on grading them.”

His signature smirk played on his lips as he read.

“The Ambassador’s son wants to be a DEA agent, huh? Bet she loves that.”

Your soft laughter lifts over the quiet music you had playing in the background. The Ambassador had no love for the DEA agents working in Columbia, especially Javi and his partner Steve.

“Maybe I should have you come in and talk to the class.”

You were only half joking but the thought of the tough and stoic Javier Peña standing up in front of a group of ten year olds makes you smirk.

He drops the paper and loud sigh escapes his lips as he pinches the bridge of his nose. You know exactly what that means.

“Tough day?” you ask quietly.

He tells you about his day while you listen silently. He leaves out the worst parts, of course. He can’t bear to tell you the whole truth, not wanting to subject you to the worst parts of his job. You don’t need that.

His large, warm hand rests on your bare thigh. As he talked, his hand caresses your skin, his fingers kneading your soft flesh. The need to feel you, to possess you is almost overwhelming and he grits his teeth. Those lavender silk pajama shorts are killing him, so much of your creamy flesh is exposed to him. His hand snakes further up your thigh as he takes a deep breath.

You watch his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed, the heat burning between your thighs. You shouldn’t want this; you know exactly what this is, but you can’t help yourself. You need to hang onto him, even if what you have isn’t real. This is enough. Oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Want a refill?”

You already know the answer. He never gets drunk with you. He never has more than one drink when he’s with you, but you always ask. You’re just buying time, trying to stretch out the time spent together as long as possible.

He shakes his head slowly. His shoulders sag like he’s carrying the weight of the world. He knows he shouldn’t do this. He shouldn’t do this, he should have just went to see Vanessa or one of the other girls. He hadn’t done that in weeks. You’re the only one who can give him what he needs.

“Come here, cariño.”

He pulls you into his lap and wraps his hands around your waist, keeping you settled securely in his lap, right over the bulge in his grey jeans. The heat from his body soaks into yours and desire pools at your core.

He couldn’t look you directly in the eyes for more than a few moments at a time. He knew exactly what he’d see there. He’d see the most beautiful woman he’d ever met, and he knew that he was ruining you. He knew that you would never ask for more than he gave you and that broke his heart.

His lips crash against yours, his soft tongue plunging deep into your mouth. The wine on your tongue mixed with the whisky on his and he gripped your hips tighter. He wanted to lose himself in you, let you calm his raging soul, if only for a brief time.

Javi’s thick fingers snake up your back and into your hair. His grip is firm, but not painful. He doesn’t want to hurt you, even though that’s exactly what he’s doing. The pain may not be physical, but he was causing you pain, nonetheless.

He tilts your head back, his lips trailing down your neck. Vanilla and cherry fill his nose, a scent that’s uniquely you, driving his need for you even higher.

His teeth lightly graze your skin, and you moan softly. He knows just how to touch you, which parts of you are the most sensitive and he played your body perfectly.

He wraps your legs around his waist as he stands. His mouth is on yours again and he kisses you deeply as he takes the familiar walk toward your bedroom. It’s a trip he’s taken enough times that he doesn’t need his eyes to know where he’s going.

Your body looks so beautiful spread out for him on your soft sheets. You’re always so willing to let him have you anyway he wants. You give yourself to him so freely. How could someone so pure want someone like him? He’s not a good man and he doesn’t pretend to be. He did horrible things, told himself it was for the greater good but was it really? Are the things that he was doing worth it?

Javi slowly unbuttoned his shirt as he stood between your parted legs. He knows you like to watch him undress and he is more than happy to give you a show.

His smooth, tan chest is exposed to you little by little, making you throb harder with every pop of the buttons. The belt came next, unlatching it one handed as his other hand strokes your thigh.

You squirm as he unbuttoned his pants, giving you a peek at the small curve of his belly and the strip hair that led to the thing you wanted most.

He gently jerks you to a siting position. Practiced hands pull your tank top over your head, exposing you to him. He kneels before you, his soft lips brushing your neck. You’re so sensitive to him and it only serves to make him even harder.

Teeth gently nip at your exposed skin as he makes his way down your body. You are soft and so much of his world was rough. You soothe him, you make him feel whole.

“Javi…”

Just like always, you’re putty in his hands. You let him mold you in his image, desperate to have any piece of him that you could. You’d take anything he gave you. Despite what he might think, he’s a good man. You’ve seen how much he cares about his work and the people closest to him.

“Shhh, cariño….I’ve got you.”

His lips and tongue tease at your nipple, and your fingers tangle in his hair. He chuckles lightly into your skin as he plays your body like an instrument.

He pushes you back onto the bed and pulls off your shorts. His pupils are blown with lust as he marvels at the sight before him.

In a perfect world, he would take his time with you, he would treat you as gently as you deserve but he couldn’t. If he did, he’d only drag you down with him and he couldn’t live with that on his conscience. It was better to keep you at arms length, keep you safe.

His fingers drag through your wet folds and dip inside. He can’t hold back a strangled groan as your heat surrounds him. He works you slowly, opening you up for him until the tingle in your lower abdomen tells you it won’t be long before you came undone for him.

Your body clenches around his digits, your moans filling the room. Stars blind you as your orgasm ripped through your body with a vengeance. Javi’s hushed voice works you through it until you whimper his name.

You didn’t give you much time to recover before he was pulling off his jeans and his body covered yours, settling between your thighs. His weight on you feels good, comforting even but it shouldn’t. For now, you pretend this was more than it was. You pretend that this meant something and not just a way for him to release his tension.

He intertwines your fingers with his, pinning your hands to the bed. Holding your hands like this is the only bit of intimacy he allows himself.

He pushed himself inside you, holding back a moan. All his worries vanished as your warmth surrounded him. He’s lost in the feel of you, the way you grip him so tightly. He’s convinced this is the closest he’ll ever come to heaven.

His pace steadily increased as you moaned for him, making those sounds that he loved to hear. You sang so beautifully for him.

You mewled as he hit the spot that only he could reach, and you knew you were close to coming for him once again.

You cried out his name and your walls squeezed around him.

“That’s it, cariño…don’t fight it.”

You tried to hold back. You wanted this to last as long as possible because you know as soon as it was over the spell would be broken. You’d have to face the reality that you loved a man that didn’t love you back.

“Be a good girl and come for me.”

You obey his command, and your walls fluttered around him as your second orgasm hit you. It felt like an electric shock through your entire body. Every nerve in your body fired all at once.

You whimper softly as the aftershocks ripple through you. Javi never stopped, working your through your orgasm once again as you whine and cry for him.

He picked up his pace and his hips slap against you as he chased his own release. His hips stutter as he buries his face into your neck and spilled himself inside you, painting you with his seed.

He laid on top of you for a minute, breathing you in and taking advantage of the last few moments he had you like this. He couldn’t let himself linger too long and he rolled off you, reaching down for his jeans to grab his pack of cigarettes.

Your mind was still hazy as you roll onto your side, watching him rest against the headboard and light his smoke. This was yet another thing you only did for him, you would never let any other man smoke in your bed.

He smirked at you as the cloud of smoke obscured his face. It was his way of telling you he was satisfied. He couldn’t say it out loud, that would be too much.

He crushes the butt into the ashtray on the nightstand and laid back down. He smooths the hair from your face, tucking the strands behind your ear. It’s the only bit of comfort he can offer you. It’s not nearly enough, he knows that, but he can’t let himself give you more.

“Get some sleep, rana (frog).”

A giggle bubbles up from the depths as you hear that stupid nickname he gave you. Not long after you first met, he told you that you reminded him of Sally Field’s character in “Smokey and the Bandit”, his favorite movie. You thought he was crazy, but somehow the nickname just stuck.

You didn’t want to sleep because you knew what came next. You knew he would leave once you were out. He would leave the way he always does, like a thief in the night. Did he know that he was also leaving with your heart? Did he even care?

Sleep finally took you. You never could stay awake long after being with him but maybe that was for the best. If you were awake when he left, would you be able to resist the aching need to ask him to stay? You didn’t think you were that strong.

He watched you for awhile as you slept. You looked so peaceful in that state, like an angel. Maybe you were…. maybe you were here to save him even though he didn’t deserve it.

He quietly disentangles himself from the sheets and looked back at your sleeping form one last time. You look so beautiful with your messy hair and your soft body wrapped up in the sheets. His heart ached to tell you how he felt, how he longed for you, but he could never do that. You’re too good for him; he’d only ruin you with his roughness. He would never forgive himself if he hurt you. You belong with someone better than him: a doctor or a lawyer, someone who would treat you the way you deserved. You’d drown his darkness; it would swallow you up and change the very essence of who you were. Still, he came back, time after time, taking everything you gave him without so much as a complaint. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t let you go. He loved you…you were the one thing that kept him sane. Maybe one day he could be the man you needed but today was not that day.

The sun streaming through your bedroom window woke you. Just like always, you woke up alone. The bed cold and empty next to you, but his scent still lingered. You roll over and bury your face in the pillow allowing yourself to breathe him in the way you never dare let yourself when he’s here. Admitting your feelings is not an option but that’s all you want to do. Maybe one day you’ll be brave enough to look him in the eye and tell him you want more. You can handle his darkness; you’ve been doing it for months even if he doesn’t realize it. Maybe next time you won’t just fall asleep…. you’ll ask him to stay.