Achilles.JasonDean

where I crave the euphoria.

Times where the craving is so bad––

I lie on my bed crying.

Curling into my body

shutting my eyes so tight.

Spilling venom from your mouth,

rusting the only gun that hasn't been pointing at you.

How does it feel to snap the neck of the only bird

willing to sing near you?

How does it feel to be a traitor?

Not one like in the history books, they are memorable.

You are — 

were

nothing more than a vague idea of a legacy. 

So tell me — 

Those who were always one foot out the door.

I find relief in walking away.

Satisfaction with hearing how they search for me in every place.

Realizing how they expected me to be there every time — 

no self respect,

no backbone,

just standing there 

my face towards the ground,

buds,

buds, 

nothing but buds.

I walk around the rocks once more

white is finally visible.

My lighter is already out.

It replaced cold air 

I don't want it anymore.

Imagining gnawing into my arms

helps me sleep sometimes.

The feeling of my blood running down the side of my face

Hearing my veins tear apart.

Speeding up— 

faster,

faster,

hoping if I tear it fast enough