Come for the aesthetic, Stay for the mustard

the saddest beanie baby related thing ever is still trap the mouse. no birthday

hi, fun fact! Trap the mouse doesn’t have a birthday because he was THE FIRST BEANIE BABY. Before Beanie Babies had birthdays, there was Trap the Mouse. Basically, he is too ancient for birthdays. Older than dirt, this one.

He predates the modern calendar

FISH HAMMER

For beating the carp outta someone

[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]

“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend

The thing they don't tell you about fried egg runny yolk is that if you put it in a sandwich it will be the best most delicious thing and you can mop up the egg with the bread, but in exchange you Will get so so messy and covered in egg yolk

I went to bed and I woke up feeling well rested. this has never happened before what do I do

DO NOT STAY I BED WHATEVER YOU DO THE EUPHORIA WILL DRAIN FROM YOU BODY AND YOU WILL BE LEFT MORE TIRED THAN BEFORE. ABORT. ABORT. GET OUT OF BED AND GO SIT IN THE SUN BEFORE IT DRAGS YOU BACK.

woah, bed feels even more comfy than normal....

The way everyone just paused before just putting more tofu on XD