Let’s Be Homies

the lobotomist after opening my head revealing my brain : this is beans inside

[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]

“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend

“holy shit, two cakes” should be an official part of Tumblr vocab.

when i go in a room and forget what i needed i become a point and click protagonist. [water bottle?] that’s not helpful right now. [socks?] i don’t know what to do with that. [charger?] that’s not helpful right now. [scissors?] i can’t do anything with that. [water bottle?] that’s not helpful right now. [lone paperclip?] that’s not helpful right now. [water bottle?]

candy before beer youre in the clear. beer before candy hurricane sandy

my vibes arent off i am cursed theres a difference

cream cheese bagel ending explained

cream cheese bagel ending explained explained

Everybody be quiet and listen to his poem

At work there used to be a sign on a few things that would say like "if this bubbles, run for your life" and "if you hear thumping run for cover" and "bears can and will kill you" and really in general I wish the park service was more willing to say "you are not at home, you are not at disneyland, you can die here and you can die so badly your family will have to bury an empty casket because no one will risk their own life to collect your idiot corpse."

My special talent is that I can draw connections between anything. Which is good for literary analysis but also makes me socially weird

Most skills that are conducive to writing and writing related activities also make you socially weird

The masculine connotation of a bow tie and the feminine connotation of a bow on the top of the head implies a nonbinary bow style placed directly over the nose

Correct!!!!!!

STAFF MAKE POLLS EDITABLE I LOOK LIKE A FOOL BECAUSE OF YOU NOW

STOP REBLOGGING THIS VERSION 😭

This looks like a painting with like the composition and lighting