c̸h̸a̷o̴t̵i̶c̶ ̷e̷n̷t̸i̷t̴y̷ ̵

me, hyperfocusing on social media not knowing wtf ive been doing for the last 8 hours:

I want to know how everyone else thinks.

It would be nice to not always lose track of time.

Or always lose your phone that is most likely lost in the bag you thought you throughly checked 3 times.

It would be great to not have to deal with a million thoughts and an empty mind at the same time.

I want to know how it feels to have a conversation and have the CHOICE of drifting off when you realize it is unimportant.

How does it feel to catch instructions the1st time they are told?

Can I just experience once, the way words can roll of your tongue without the awkward “umm forgot I was going to say” ?

How do people not rock or shake while standing or sitting?

I really want to experience the luxury of putting work off till the last minute because I was busy, not because I PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY could not bring my self to do it.

Can I do homework without holding on to my pen and blankly staring at the work. Zero thoughts. No, I’m not thinking of fucking squirrels. I’m thinking of nothing because my brain can’t focus.

vyvanse 20 mg:

me: then get stimulated

my brain:

What it sounds like:

timers. seriously. set lots and lots of timers on your phone, 2-5 minutes apart each time until you properly wake up/get started on your task. it will be infuriating, you will be mad, but you have to get it done

music! listen to music. if you download spotify on your desktop, you get all the same functions you would otherwise get on premium on mobile, save for intermittent ads that (as far as i remember) aren’t as common as they are on mobile anyway.

different playlists, different moods, have some variety, but figure out what music you can listen to in the background without getting distracted!

i recommend basic ambience like rain or nature sounds, along with instrumentals or soft indie bands, OR hozier ,

figure out where you work best. different areas of your house will have different energies. are your parents home, and you need someone to make sure you stay on track? try to work with them in the room, just to make sure you dont go off on a tangent somewhere on the web. family too loud? bedrooms, closets, bathrooms etc can be good ways to get away.

HEADPHONES OR EARBUDS ARE GODSENDS (provided you can use them without discomfort)

do NOT beat yourself up about not maintaining a schedule. you will slip. you will snooze all your alarms. you will sleep through your alarms. that is okay. you are human. just try again next time, and maybe add a few more if you have to.

if you struggle with eating on time and are able to do so, keep food within arm’s reach! also something to drink, preferably water, but anything will do in a pinch.

put a trash bag next to your work space! you are going to need it

it’s okay to take breaks! since ive been doing it for 3 years, ive adjusted, so i don’t get frequent screen migraines now, but they WILL come. keep some headache medicine on hand, keep your screen brightness low, don’t strain your eyes. look away from the screen every now and then, and please remember to blink

it’s super easy to forget basic hygiene when you’re stuck at home all day. set reminders to shower/brush your teeth/make sure you’ve gone to the bathroom/etc

don’t be afraid to claim internet/device failure if you don’t make it to a class session or turn in an assignment on time. it’s okay. it’s not a good habit to use, but just saying “it wouldn’t work, but i have it figured out now and will strive to (do better next time)” is fine. it’s okay. you’ll adjust.

common excuses: frozen, excessive lag, internet connection issues, battery died, etc.

“Why criticism hurts so much" 

I’ve been working on a series aiming to explain why we can get so deeply hurt and afraid of disapproval that it will interfere with our life decisions.