Unorganized queer Chaos

Ilya: *Seeing Luca sad* What's wrong?

Luca: I am feeling a bit homesick.

Ilya: I have an idea.

*Drives Luca to a store*

Luca: Where are we?

Ilya: The store of your people.

Shane made an inquisitive noise behind his coffee.

"Michaelson, he played for Boston for a few years. He is in Houston now - he told me what they're offering that new kid, the one they brought up from the AHL who scored those two hatties in a row. It's bullshit," Ilya spat.

Shane sighed. "Fuck, I forgot his contract was up. I should call him," he murmured distractedly.

Ilya tilted his head in a way that was startlingly reminiscent of Anya. "Why?"

"Advice? I don't know. I should at least apologize."

"Apologize?" Ilya echoed, baffled.

"For not warning him. I should have known this would happen."

"Known what would happen?"

Shane exhaled sharply and glanced at Ilya assessingly.

"Front offices don't love it when you have a star player making way less than everyone else and he's the only guy who isn't white. Starts to smell like the kind of thing a good lawyer could call discrimination. They don't care about that, but lawsuits are bad for business. But say there's another guy, big star, best in the league, and he just negotiated a new contract. If they use him for comps, well then it's just market rate, right?"

Shane took in Ilya's thunderstruck expression and scoffed.

"You know why I chose Farah as my agent?"

Ilya shook his head mutely.

"Because when I met her she looked me in the face and told me that I was going to get lowballed on every contract I was ever offered, and she was going to do her damnedest to make sure I never had to take an offer like that. I don't know who the kid's agent is but I'm guessing they're no Farah. And, well - "

Shane's expression, which had been blank until this point, twisted into a mocking smile that Ilya immediately hated.

"As far as I know, he doesn't have a very wealthy husband to take care of him either."

Shane pushed off his stool and left the room.

Shane and Ilya just quickly looking at each other because. Well. Depending on the person the tuna breath really isn't what you're focusing on.

"Who even orders a dish with tuna on a date?", Jade asks shaking her head.

"But tuna is nice", Arthur says. "The tuna melts Uncle Ilya makes are always really good."

Jade rolls her eyes at her brother. Boys.

"Yeah, we like them too, Art. But obviously he wouldn't cook those for a first date", she says. "If someone made me a tuna melt on a date I'd run out of that room so fast. Right, Uncle Shane?"

Ilya chokes on his wine. Shane looks as if someone just punched him in the gut. Jade is happy that her Uncles are appropriately horrified at the thought of a tuna melt as a date meal.

Ilya, admittedly, does not fully understand why Shane is so adamant about the sweatshirts. They'll be in Hockey gear most of the times anyway. It's only late one evening, after Ilya keeps asking, that Shane tells the truth. About how he liked that, at the cottage, they would sometimes wear each others clothes. And how he wished that they could do that outside of the summer as well. But that both of them get photographed by paparazzi so often that someone would notice if Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov were suddenly spotted wearing the same clothes (they once wore a beanie by the same brand back in 2015 and it sent the internet into a flurry for two weeks).

But. If they - and the other coaches - all wear sweaters that look the same. It wouldn't be as obvious. And one or both of them being spotted in the sweater will only mean that they are proud of the foundation.

"And if we happen to switch them. And i end up wearing yours, well", Shane shrugs with a small smile. "Nobody besides us will know."

Good old reliable "Your Uncle Shane would have never done that" / "Your Uncle Shane would do that"

Because sometimes in the eyes of kids and later teenagers whatever Mom and Dad tell you is just wrong and boring and ugh you just don't get it, Dad!

And, look. In some instances it works. Especially when they're still kids.

Your Uncle Shane goes to bed early because he knows the importance of sleep. Your Uncle Shane eats his veggies because he knows they're healthy.

And Shane is happy enough to nod along because yes getting enough sleep and eating vegetables is important.

But then, as the Pikelings get older. Well.

"Your Uncle Shane would have never snuck into the bedroom of a boy in the middle of the night!"

It slips out before Hayden realises what he's said. He hasn't used the Uncle Shane card in a while but Jade did try to sneak out during the night to meet Josh, not expecting her Dad and Uncles to still be awake because hello, it's almost midnight, don't old people go to bed early? Jade just huffs and crosses her arms.

(also, she was never judgey - if my meal was a single potato chip she would simply say good job eating a potato chip today <3 )

Call me selfish, call me projecting, but I just want to complete the trifecta of silly little gay hockey men who are also autistic and 100% don’t know it.