A World of Pain

Humans – Tasteless Magpies with Credit 

One for sorrow, two for joy; Three for a girl, four for a boy; Five for silver, six for gold; Seven for a secret, never to be told; Eight for a wish, nine for a kiss; Ten for a bird that’s best to miss. I’ve always liked magpies. I like the little rhyme that accompanies their presence; the air of suave pickpocket they exude; their minimalist chic, like a peacock stripped of its ostentatiousness;…

A matter of words

If the pen is mightier than the sword…  If you are reading this right now, there’s a better than average chance that you will take me seriously when I say that words matter. Words can fizz, jiggle and tickle your senses; they can cleanse, purge and vent our thoughts, feelings and fears; and they can bite, cut and burn. For those of you who fear words you don’t immediately recognise, I have tried…

  What’s he doing? He’s going to be sworn in. Yes, it’s very important. He’s joining a club. What’s he doing? He’s doing a special hand sign. And now he’s putting his hand on the flag. He’s promising…Who’s he promising to? The Queen and God. Promising to be a good boy…promising to be in the club, yes. What’s that? Yes, he did say the words well. Good boy. Does anyone need the toilet? It’s so hard…

Sentimental sales pitches make us suckers

Growing up during the 1980s, one of life’s best perks was being allowed to stay up a little later on a Sunday night to watch Clive James skilfully deconstruct the weird and wonderful world of TV and advertising. For inexplicable reasons, the On TV torch was briefly handed to TV chef Keith Floyd, before it ended up in Chris Tarrant’s leathery mitts – and in an underwhelming little puff of noxious…

Conflicted: Confused or worried because you cannot choose between very different ideas, feelings, or beliefs, and do not know what to do or believe. I am conflicted. Conflicted, because I find myself truly thankful to the House of Lords, whilst simultaneously wishing it didn’t exist. Conflicted, because I feel sympathy for the Church of England’s fate, yet am relieved that the spell is so…

The Politics of Star Wars

Within a week of the Conservatives winning a commons’ majority and forming a government, a number of articles started to crop up in the press, where either righteous right wingers or suspiciously sensitive socialists accused leftwing voters of whinging like babies about the result. The people have spoken, you lost, they won, we know you don’t like it, shut up. To a certain extent, I could see…

Watch You Grammar – 21st Century School

We have spent the last month looking at secondary schools. Not because the wife and I have taken up a new niche hobby, driven by an insane desire for a glossy prospectus and a free biscuit, but because our eldest is embarking on another five year stretch next September. He’s in for good behaviour. We’ve sat through a variety of talks, on a variety of horrendously uncomfortable bucket chairs, in a…

Cakes, Speeches & Bombs – Another Weird Week of News

It’s been another weird week of news. We’ve been treated to a broad range of stories this week, from the sweet natured to the seedy, the uplifting to the terrifying – although, as our news is filtered through the lens of a media who knows all too well how fear, lust and fury are the best catalysts for sales, it’s no surprise to see where the bulk of our attention has been diverted. I thought I…

The never ending buffet of bad news

On my second week of wading through a quagmire of stinky thinking in search of nuggets of topical gold, it feels like the Gods of journalism have been showering me with ‘gifts’ all week. I don’t know whether to be thankful for so much rancid raw material, or whether I need to adopt a drastic hibernation policy, curl up into the fetal position and cry myself to sleep for a couple of decades. The…

I turn my back for five minutes…

Well, here we are again. As you can see, I’ve cleared out the cupboards and started afresh. All of the previous blog posts have been tucked away safely and the slate is squeaky clean – ready for a new glut of AWOP articles to start populating the digital shelving. I thought it was dead and buried, but something kept me from turning off the life support machine, so it rises slowly again.

Now, I’m…

Social Media & Politics (Is What Kippers Are To Custard)

So, the election has come to a close and we have a Conservative majority government. I didn’t expect it – most of you didn’t either. If I ran a polling company, I’d be kicking the office server come Monday morning and asking the IT gimps in trendy t-shirts what the hell went wrong.

Some of you will be disappointed, others contented. The vast majority of you will feel neither elation nor despair.…

Jumpers for Goalposts, Pencils On Strings

Hello dear friends,

It’s been a while, I know. Actually, I was going to be letting this little site drop off into the digital abyss, but haven’t quite found the heart to pull the plug yet – bleeding heart liberal that I am. I’m still working on pulling the best bits into e-books and I’ve made a tentative start on one of the two new blogs. I am writing this today, dragging AWOP’s backend out of…

In With The New

Hello!

Just a very quick note to let you know that work has begun on the new blog sites. The Adventures of the Terry Towelling Superman is up and running (www.terrytowellingsuperman.com) and the main site will follow suit in the next week or so. AWOP will continue to run for the time being, but will start taking down content over the next month, with a view to publishing the best of the content…

The End Is Nigh, Innit. 

Well my friends, this is it. Time to say goodbye, shed a tear or two, turn the lights off and initiate the self destruct sequence. This will be the last post on A World of Pain. The site will remain active for a month or so for you to have a little rummage if you so wish, before it vanishes. I might very well end up using the domain name again at some point, on account of it being too funny to…

Christmas Pants ‘Til Teatime

Firstly, I should apologise for this blog entry’s late arrival. I sat down to write something this morning, but nothing came. I figured you could well do without me blathering on about something not even I truly care about, when you could spend your time more constructively demolishing the last of the Quality Street and watching a movie you’d forgotten was ever made.  

I say ‘should apologise’…

As we rapidly move towards Christmas Day 2014, I can’t seem to find my inner elf. I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas at the best of times, but this year is leaving me decidedly cold. I wish I could pretend that some weighty issue, like the CIA torture dossier or the Taliban senselessly killing over 130 innocent children, has put me off my festive stroke – but that would be a lie. No, this is…

The Separation of Church and Hate

As much as I enjoy poking our government and other institutions with a blunt stick, this is undoubtedly worth saying before I crack on: I am very lucky to be living in the UK. We are lucky as UK residents, because it is perfectly reasonable to assume that (unless you are stupid enough to incite hateful violence or say something truly libellous) you can be as critical as you like, in person or in…