ă"Forget not, son, that whenever a man looks for a culprit, he'll always point out at his lover first." / "But what if you're not his lover, ma?" / "It doesn't matter what is, love. What matters to him is what he thinks, and he thinks you're his."ă
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Hi there ! Are learning French ? Are you trying to learn French ? Are you interested in France ? In any case, you may want to improve your french or satisfy your curiosity by watching French TV Shows. And if thereâs one you should watch, it is Kaamelott.
What is Kaamelott ?
Kaamelott is a French comedy medieval fantasy television series created, directed, written, scored, and edited by Alexandre Astier, who also stars as the main character, Arthur. It is based on the Arthurian legend and follows the daily lives of King Arthur and his knights of the Round Table. However, forget about the great epic stories of glory youâve heard so far. Here, the knights are big moronic and incompetent knights. The show uses modern language (and slang) and situations to create a humorous view of the Arthurian legend. The show is divided into six seasons (referred to as âbooksâ or âlivresâ in French) of different length. The first three books are composed of 100 3mn episodes each. The fourth book is composed of 99 episodes of 3mn. The fifth book, in its Directorâs Cut edition, is composed of 8 episodes of 52mn (it got cut into 50 episodes of 7mn when airing again on TV). Finally, the sixth book is composed of 9 episodes of 40mn.
(Meet Perceval, singing, Karadoc in red and The Innkeeper in white)
Characters
If you know about the Arthurian Legend, then you will meet familiar figure such as Arthur, Guenivere (Guenièvre), Merlin, Lancelot, Percival (Perceval), Leodegrance (LÊodagan), Bors (Bohort), Ywain (Yvain), Gawain (Gauvain) and many others, and each one turning into an unexpected version of those characters.
(Please meet Arthur in red, Bohort in green and Lancelot)
What you can expect from Kaamelott
You will laugh. The show uses absurd humor (in a Monty Python kind of way, The Holy Grail being one of the many inspirations of the show). You will also find many references to pop culture such as Star Wars or Stargate for example. But you will also cry. While the first three books are light and very comedic, the fourth book launches a transition towards a darker mood, found in the last two books (the fifth one especially). You will be attached to each character, finding something to love in every one of them. You will be attached more to some and cry for them, laugh at them, laugh with them. You will discover the genius writing of Alexandre Astier and his amazing score for the show. Also, you will undoubtedly improve your oral knowledge of french with tons of expressions that will make you appear more natural.
(Meet, from left to right : Lancelot, Arthur and Merlin)
Where and how to watch them
Thanks to the lovely @jellyfish415, one of my followers who I converted into a Kaamelott addict and who helped me find the links, you will find, under the cut, a links to download the subtitles and links to the different books.
1-5: be completely baffled byÂ
6-10: in the mistaken belief that it is a puppy, attempt to pet
11-15: ascend to the throne of the world as the new god of
16-20: cry a lot about
21-25: seek heaven through
26-31: finally get to be with your beautiful lover, who is
january: the weight of your sins
february: full communism
march: rage bigger than your body can contain
april: the Sun
may: eleven-dimensional space
june: violence
july: the merciless confines of linear time
august: a fictional character
september: the void
october: a ghost
november: every single dragon
december: a giant robot
Etant donnĂŠ quâils sont tous en train de faire de la rĂŠcupĂŠration pour les rĂŠgionales, je pense quâil est bon de rappeler quâil ne reste que TROIS SEMAINES pour faire vos procurations si vous ne pouvez pas vous dĂŠplacer pour les scrutins des ĂŠlĂŠctions rĂŠgionales du 6 et 13 DĂŠcembre 2015. Les ĂŠtudiants qui habitent loin, les gens qui ont dĂŠmĂŠnagĂŠ rĂŠcemment et sont encore sur les listes de la commune oĂš ils rĂŠsidaient avant⌠NâhĂŠsitez pas, ça prend littĂŠralement dix minutes et dâexpĂŠrience, les policiers qui se sont chargĂŠs des dĂŠmarches quand je lâai fait ĂŠtaient patients et disponibles. Vous nâemmerdez personne en faisant une procuration, vous faites juste entendre votre voix.
Pour plus dâinformations sur le cĂ´tĂŠ pratique de la chose, je vous laisse consulter le site du gouvernement : https://www.service-public.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/F1604
Perso, jâai Marion MarĂŠchal Le Pen sur mes listes alors Lundi, câest procuration au commissariat (et ensuite don du sang, mais câest un autre sujet).
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What if you wake up one morning and youâre in bed with the love of your life and they have their arm around you and their snoring like a fucking ass hole, but you canât help but to smile and you hear a baby crying and it finally hits you, youâve made it.
you beat the demons inside you, the voices, the darkness.
I look forward to that, to knowing I made it.
What if you wake up one morning and youâre in bed alone, but you get up with the satisfaction of a good night of sleep, get ready for the day, walk to school/place of job and you hear a baby crying and it finally hits you, youâve made it.
you beat the demons inside you, the voices, the darkness.
I have been there, I know Iâve made it. And guess what? I didnât need anyone to love me.
ahah thanks but no. the aro version: one day youâll wake up at 11:30 AM on a Sunday, either alone, with a great friend, or the person youâre dating, and youâll make some coffee and pancakes youâll realize that itâs all alright. âcause you donât need âthe love of your lifeâ to be happy.
I love how potato in French is pomme de terre, which pretty much means âearth apple.â
like what stupid frenchman saw this:
and said âzis petite lĂŠgume looks like a, how you say, APPLE! hmmm⌠but it grows in ze earth⌠HON HON HON! MAIS OUI! CâEST UNE POMME DE TERRE!â
jâadore comment ananas se dit pineapple en anglais, ce qui veut littĂŠralement dire âpomme de pinâ, genre quel type anglais a vu ça:
et sâest dit : âow cette ĂŠtrange big fruit ressemble Ă une, how do you say, POMME! hmmm⌠mais plutĂ´t une pomme qui pousse dans les pins⌠HU HU HU! OH YES, ITâS A PINEAPPLE!â
(zâavez vu, on peut le faire aussi⌠hon hon hon!)
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7 raisons pour lesquelles il ne faut pas tuer Bloody Mary :
1. Elle renouvelle le schĂŠma type de rĂŠdemption
ScÊnaristiquement, un ennemi qui rÊapparaÎt par la suite devient soit un alliÊ inattendu/rÊluctant, soit un arch enemy. Mary n'a probablement pas la finesse nÊcessaire pour entretenir le rÊseau du Tordu après la disparition de celui-ci, et sans le soutien de ses ressources, elle n'est pas une menace capitale. Au pire, elle ne serait qu'une rogue assassin, et je la pense trop intelligente pour se risquer ainsi : à chaque fois qu'elle affronte Bigby (et même si elle le sous-estime), c'est parce qu'elle est certaine de gagner ce combat.
Mais se repentir de ses erreurs passĂŠes ? Alors lĂ , je rigole. Bloody Mary prend ton scĂŠnario de rĂŠdemption et le fait brĂťler en te fixant avec ton sourire en coin cruel. Mary ne fait pas d'erreurs, en tout cas pas dans ses choix de vie. Elle commet les actes les plus horribles non pas parce que sa nature est celle d'un spectre malfaisant usant des miroirs pour s'en prendre aux innocents, mais car c'est ce qu'il existe de plus jouissif pour elle, au point qu'on la dĂŠfinisse par les atrocitĂŠs auxquelles elle s'adonne.
Bloody Mary n'est pas le mal incarnĂŠ, rien ne l'empĂŞche au remord. Ses agissements sont son choix, un choix inchangĂŠ au cours du temps. Et Mary se dĂŠlecte de ce choix.
2. Elle est ÂŤ mĂŠchante Âť
⌠Et on a parfois besoin de ça. Lorsque quelqu'un, autoritÊs officielles ou non, a besoin de sale boulot fait, à qui demande-t-on de s'en charger ? Les hÊros ne sont pas appropriÊs dans toutes les situations*. Un potentiel mercenaire pour Blanche et Bigby ? Un Êventuel subordonnÊ de Bigby ? Personnellement, je pense que la deuxième option ne fonctionnerait pas, mais je n'imagine pas Mary ayant beaucoup de difficultÊs à reprendre son travail pour diffÊrents employeurs.
Elle est ÂŤ mĂŠchante Âť, elle dĂŠfie l'ordre ĂŠtabli. Elle s'en bat lâĹil comme une taupinette hawaĂŻenne des lois des fables, et est assez probablement maligne pour s'en dĂŠfendre â bien qu'elle n'ait pas le bagou du Tordu. Et quelle sociĂŠtĂŠ a franchement besoin de quelqu'un pointant les erreurs et mĂŠfaits de son gouvernement ? (La rĂŠponse est : toutes.)
Mary n'est pas vraiment contrôlable par le gouvernement de Fableville, mais ça peut être une bonne chose. Barbe Bleu, lui même un homme assez immonde selon son conte, semble avoir trouvÊ le bon poste, qui lui permet même d'exprimer son point de vue souvent extrême. Je refuse de considÊrer que Mary ne peut être qu'un parasite.
3. Ce serait du gâchis
Non mais⌠sÊrieusement. Je suis beaucoup plus attachÊe à elle qu'à certains personnages. Lawrence est gentil, Mary est vicieuse. Holly est blasÊe, Mary est revancharde. Son caractère est dÊveloppÊ, et ce par ma technique de narration favorite : montrer. On nous dit peu sur elle, mais en allant contre elle, on en apprend beaucoup. C'est un personnage aussi dÊveloppÊ que celui d'une pièce de thÊâtre, ce qui est plutôt. Woah. Un peu à la Lorenzaccio. Me likey.
Aussi, elle a un look humain sympa. Là oÚ les  princesses  sont toutes en courbes, visages ronds et cheveux le plus souvent bouclÊs, Bloody Mary est faite d'angles aigus. On peut lire la fÊrocitÊ sur ses lèvres, au bord de dents exposÊes, et l'Êcharde d'un dÊlice carnassier dans ses iris. Son attitude corporelle est âpre, dÊnote l'efficacitÊ plus que la grâce. Elle n'est pas Simone de Beauvoir-fÊminine, pas du tout, elle ne marque son sexe que pour provoquer. Elle s'habille de la même façon qu'elle marche, qu'elle rit, qu'elle ne travaille son corps : pour dominer les autres.
Et son design de fable, il dÊchire. Il met en image ce que son apparence humaine suggère : un être fait de dizaines et de dizaines d'Êclats de verre plus tranchants les uns que les autres, assemblÊs adroitement pour crÊer la chose la plus lÊtale possible.
4. Elle est douĂŠe
On est tous un peu conscients qu'un autre kingpin va prendre la place du Tordu**. La sociĂŠtĂŠ fable est assez identique aux sociĂŠtĂŠs humaines pour que ce soit ĂŠvident. Bloody Mary est sans doute la meilleure bras droit fable que le possesseur d'un empire criminel puisse dĂŠsirer. Elle avait de l'avenir, cette petite !
Même si elle n'avait pas reprit de poste similaire, j'aurais adorÊ voir une suite oÚ Bloody Mary, reconnue comme la seule qui arrive à tenir la distance avec Bigby, se ferait engager dans le but spÊcifique de rendre la tâche difficile au sheriff en l'amochant.
5. Elle est trop smug
Suis-je la seule à avoir eu envie de lui en coller une pour lui passer l'envie de regarder les autres de haut comme ça ? La tuer d'un coup de crocs alors qu'elle est encore si sÝre d'elle, c'est insuffisant. Elle prend tant de plaisir à humilier et dominer le reste des fables, elle mÊrite mieux dans la mort. L'achever lors d'un face à face Êpique, l'un sautant, l'autre tombant, bataillant pour avoir le dessus ? Bien, mais ce serait tellement mieux de l'abattre par surprise alors qu'elle se repaÎt d'avoir Bigby à sa merci.
6. Elle fait partie de l'espèce rarissime des femmes mauvaises sans mobile, sans background tragique et sans être l'incarnation du mal, agissant pour le simple plaisir incisif qu'elles en tirent
J'ai littĂŠralement rien Ă rajouter.
7. Je l'adore, okay ? Mes yeux faisaient des cĹurs d'anime dans sa direction environ deux secondes après sa première apparition***. Cette liste n'a jamais ĂŠtĂŠ objective.
*et lĂ je vous rappelle Deadpool v4 #001
**comme le prouve l'ĂŠminent essai scientifique qu'est la sĂŠrie de comics Daredevil. Mes rĂŠfĂŠrences sentent un petit peu le camembert
***au cas oÚ quelqu'un n'avait pas pigÊ que j'avais flashÊ sur elle dès le numÊro 3 : c'est le cas
do you ever wonder what would have happened if the dursleys had actually managed to hide harryâs identity from him until he turned 17
like dumbledore somehow lost track of them when vernon changed jobs or when they moved houses, and for some reason he just couldnât find them again
and harry potter the boy who lived grew up attending typical schools and his friends knew that sometimes weird shit would happen around him, but they just thought it was a coincidence or that they were imagining it but slowly they all left him and he grew up even more isolated and angry and so he runs away at 16
and meanwhile voldemort knows harry ran away and that he is out there somewhere, vulnerable, but heâs not in the wizarding world, so his death eaters are wreaking havoc trying to find him
and harry obviously has magical talent but he doesnât know that, but every child in hogwarts does and theyâve learned about him and now know that heâs just out there somewhere, completely unaware of whatâs going to happen to him
and some kids it doesnât bother, but for others like neville and hermione and luna and ron, itâs horrifying to think that this innocent person who should be in their year is going to be hunted down like this
so they decide to go find him before voldemort or the death eaters can
and harry is in a train station on his way to work and is converged upon by about six people who are trying their hardest to not freak out and tell him that heâs a wizard in grave danger, but they know they have such little time
so instead of the wizarding world finding harry at 12, it finds him at 16 and a half when itâs in a much darker, desperate place
i donât know i just really like the idea of harry potter joining the wizarding world through a bunch of rebellious hogwarts dropouts hiding throughout england and running from enemies he didnât know he had and learning magic along the way in dark alleys and through street fights
#ollivander gets kidnapped initially because rumour has it that he gave THE harry potter a wand#and voldemort kidnaps him for information on where potter might be#but oh#oh MY#harry potter has the brother wand to voldemortâs own?#how interesting#and yet voldemort would be weaker#without harryâs first year#he might have gone on rejuvenating himself with quirrel and unicorn blood#and even if he performed a similar ritual as in the fourth book he wouldnât have harryâs blood in it#he would be vulnerable yet to lilyâs love protection#and not even know it#on the other hand#perhaps voldemort regained a body much faster#and harry has been plagued with fantastic and horrific ânightmaresâ for years#susceptible to voldemortâs will#unprotected from mental invasion because he has little love for anyone heâs met in his life#and maybe this ragtag band of children has tracked him down in ways only the most brilliant witch who ALSO has extensive knowledge of the m#and itâs scary and heâs violent with darkness and hatred and self-loathing#fascinated and disbelieving and resentful#but in time he heals and grows#heâs just as dingy and homeless as before#but now he knows his heritage and knows whatâs truth and whatâs lie#knows thereâs at least six other people to stand with him#(i want to believe this au would have room for a draco who saw how horrific voldemort was earlier in his hogwarts years#a draco who shook and trembled and grew pale and who was approached by luna#and convinced to join them (tags via parsethus)
reblogging my own post bc these tags are PHENOMENAL and i canât stop thinking about the ollivander question and what other witches and wizards would step in to help harry and his would-be classmates throughout london
owls keep coming through the alleys theyâre hiding in, dropping off poorly wrapped candy and letters of encouragement. streetlamps have small lightning bolts etched into them with âpotter livesâ scrawled below. sirius made a quick exit from azkaban when the rest of the death eaters escaped two years past, but everyone just assumed he was rejoining voldemort and paid no attention; now a large black dog has been spotted in london, ruthlessly attacking some of voldemortâs strongest supporters.
a hot meal is always left outside the leaky cauldron. sometimes the plates are empty and a few knuts are left, and sometimes itâs still there in the morning, cold and untouched, because itâs an unspoken rule that the food is only for potter and his friends. the children pulled from hogwarts by their parents out of fear leave their schoolbooks on street corners and hermione grabs as many as she can, teaching the rest of their group spells they hadnât covered yet and better techniques for defense against the dark arts. one day a broomstick shows up, and ron swears the owl is from hogwarts. ginny teaches harry how to fly in empty underground stations.Â
the summer of his 17th birthday, surrounded by the friends he never thought he could have, harry produces his first corporeal patronus. itâs a stag, and sirius, who has at this point joined them, wells up and explains why.
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man i do really want to find out what their relationship was like - past!Allenâs sacrifice does make sense considering how present!Allen values his friends above his own life. unless lost memories do change a personâŚ
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