The Active Artist

A fresh start and new beginnings are on the horizon...

Big change is coming...

I've been sore all day. The muscles in my legs definitely need time to heal. Considering 6.2 miles was the longest distance I had ever run before yesterday's half marathon, I'm surprised I'm not in even more pain.

I went to work today and it was really nice to hear from all my coworkers, including Liz, how proud they were of me. Didn't really expect that. It was nice. And I've got to say, the overwhelming amount of love I've gotten from my tumblr family has been amazing.

I'm back, stronger than ever!

2 years ago, today, I moved home from California, where I had lived for 5 years. I left all my friends and everything I had known. Moving home to live with my parents was filled with uncertainty. I was a new person out in California. Somebody with hopes and dreams. It would have been very easy to get depressed and eat myself even further into obesity than I already was. In fact, for the first few months, that's what I did.

But then, I realized, with the help of my Aunt that this was an opportunity. An opportunity to transform myself into who I always wanted to be. I chose to seize that opportunity. 2 years later I can now proudly say that I am a half-marathoner. It was just 7 months ago that I ran my first 5K in Baltimore with my twin brother. Today, I did this alone. I pushed through every mile, never stopping. 

I know that I said my only goal was to finish the Half Marathon, but I lied. My secret goal was to finish in under 4 hours. Well, my official time was 3:48:01!

Considering I haven't ran in almost 2 months, I'm pretty thrilled about my time and pace. I beat 5 guys in my division! Small victories, but victories none the less!

Tomorrow I battle all the odds to become a half-marathoner. Longest distance I've ever done was a 10K, less than half the distance. I haven't trained. I'm scared out of my mind. But I'm determined to finish and that's all that matters. If I have to walk the entire thing I will, but no matter what, I finish. Time is irrelevant. 

(Elevation Chart)

(Course Map)

(What I'm racing for... well, the half-marathon version)

I've been pretty quiet the past couple of months. There's been a lot of personal turmoil going on with my weight loss efforts that put me in a hole I've been struggling to get out of. What I've been keeping quiet about was the Baltimore Half Marathon coming up. I never really got to train for it like I had planned and a month ago I decided I wasn't going to do it. 

I think deep down inside I knew that as it got closer to race day it would be harder and harder to quit. So, of course, a week before race day I decided that even if I had to walk the entire thing, on October 15th I would be participating in my first half marathon. 

5 days from now I'll be waking up, pulling on my sneakers, and heading out the door to complete my first half marathon. For me, it's more than just a half marathon. It's a slap in the face to bring me back to the reality that I'm not done losing weight yet. I have a long way to go before I get to a comfortable weight. 

SW: 354.6 Week 73: 265

Current Weight: 263.6

Weekly Change: - 1.4 lbs   Total Loss: -91 lbs 

SW: 354.6 Week 71: 260.6

Current Weight: 265

Weekly Change: +4.4 lbs   Total Loss: -89.6 lbs 

SW: 354.6 Week 69: 262

Current Weight: 260.6

Weekly Change: -1.4 lbs   Total Loss: -94 lbs 

Sorry it took so long to update. I was in DC all weekend away from my computer. I did weigh in this week and it was a pleasant surprise. Despite a labor day weekend full of drinking and bad decisions I lost 1.4 lbs this week. This puts me at -94 lost. It's definitely not where I'd like to be, but I'll take it. 

I tried the new Skinnylicious menu at Cheesecake Factory on Tuesday. It's worth going in just to watch the servers attempt not to crack up every time they say "Skinnylicious". I tried one of the items that didn't actually have "Skinnylicious" in the name, the White Chicken Chili. It was pretty filling and delicious.

My Dad got the chicken soft tacos which looked very good and he said they were great. One thing noticeably absent was any cheese on the soft tacos, but he said it wasn't missed.

My Dad's friend ordered the "Skinnylicious" Burger which was noticeably smaller than any other burger on the menu and came with a side salad instead of fries. He said it was more than enough food though. All of these items for less than 600 calories. From a place known for it's 1000 calorie dishes, you could make a much worse choice. 

It's no secret that I haven't been losing much weight since May. As much as I'd like to say that my body just wont let me lose weight, we all know that would be completely moronic. What I have kept a secret is that this past month I've gained back some of the weight I've lost. I'd like to say that it's only a couple lbs, but based on what my home scale says, it's more like 10. I was only able to maintain my 100 lb goal for a week. 

So, here's a little catch up on my weight. The last time I posted a weigh in was August 9th. I gained 0.4 lbs. The following week was the first time I ever missed a weigh in. My 67th week on this journey. The week after that I gained 6 lbs. It was no surprise as I typically weigh myself at home. I didn't post my weigh in. The next week I gained 0.2 lbs. I didn't post my weigh in. This past week I didn't weigh in. I could say that it was because I was out of town this weekend and there were no Weight Watchers nearby, which is true, but I could have weighed in Friday morning. I didn't. 

July 25th I stopped actively posting on a regular basis. I had given up. My eating was out of control and I no longer felt the desire to post. I didn't want to admit to myself that I had thrown in the towel. This past week I tried on my size 44 jeans. They were incredibly tight. They zipped up, but I felt choked by them. I didn't blog about it because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was no longer maintaining my loss, I was gaining. It wasn't just a number on a scale anymore. 

It's important that I address something that happened on August 18th. I wrote a post that seemed to stir a lot of emotions in people. I said that the community I had depended on and relied on had died. Most everybody came to the defense of the community. Few people recognized it as a cry for help from me. It's very easy to support people when they are being successful, it's very hard to recognize when somebody needs your help the most. I know that I have not been the best when it comes to supporting people back on tumblr. I think it just all became a bit too overwhelming for me. To have received so much support when I started this blog and to have seen it die off when I needed it the most upset me. I lashed out. I recognize that what I did was nothing more than another excuse. An excuse I could use for abandoning my blog other than the fact that I was scared to post the truth. I needed help.

There's been a lot of things going on in my life since July. A lot of people don't realize that for a large part of my weight loss my social life, with the exception of a couple people was essentially non-existent. I used this blog as a substitute. A way to connect to people that I wasn't experiencing in my everyday life. In July I joined an adult kickball team. The friends that I have made on this team are a welcome addition to my life. I truly cant remember the last time I've had so much fun with such an amazing group of people. Unfortunately, it also reminded me of a sad truth. While most of these people have jobs and live on their own, I still live at home and I work as a server at Applebee's making very little income. It saddens me that these people who make me so happy also remind me of a sad truth. At the moment I feel trapped in a life going nowhere. This depressed me and I believe it pushed me to a breaking point. It seemed like my weight didn't matter if I was trapped doing nothing with my life.

The past couple weeks I've committed to something I've been thinking of doing for a long time. I'm currently looking into going back to school to get my Master's Degree in the Fall of 2012. Though it disappoints me to have to wait almost an entire year to move my life forward, I cant let my current situation derail the other goals I have. It's time to get back on the wagon. I need to recommit to my weight loss. I need to recommit to this blog, the good and the bad. It seems like I need this blog now more than ever.