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trying on a metaphor
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@acrestfallenangel

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Hi Tumblr,
It has been awhile. I feel like I'm taking advantage of you because I would only talk to you whenever I'm feeling sad or down.
The past couple of days have been... numb. I don't feel like anything. Even though I would try my best to be in the present moment, feel the current tides and air, I don't feel like I am here. I sure can be excited and happy during the conversation, but my mind is elsewhere. I am sailing aimlessly towards nowhere.
I am heartbroken again. It's my fault.
Trigger Warning: Mention of Suicide
I used to be happier when I am with my family before. There is a sense of contentment and excitement, while they share their stories during the day.
Now, it has been replaced with TORTURE. I dread being with them. Their stories are now filled with critical comments about other people, their appearance and actions, how they talk, and even how their babies look like. Although not entirely pointed towards me, but hearing those comments on an every day basis will get into my thoughts. I tried zoning out and filtering their words during dinner time. I tried eating as fast as I could to limit the sounds of their voices. However, it is not effective. Tangina. Iâm trying to make myself better by painting and reading, going back to my old habits and learning new ones. But how can I effectively do that? When all I hear are just mean comments? I do not know who to talk to about this. I tried even contacting a suicide hotline just for me to feel better, just for someone to talk to. I tried the text version of that to deescalate my emotions and think rationally. How long will I have to do this? How can I be better if my immediate environment is the reason why I am like this?
I am currently under the covers. the safest place that I can be, trying to listen to songs with the appropriate volume to mask all of their voices. 2020 has been tough for all of us, but being stuck in the house for almost a year now, quite insane. I learned to despise what I was looking forward to before. I had so many regrets that I could not do anymore. Hearing what they would usually talk about are making me regret it even more.
I regret not having constant friends or not being able to have one. I suck at being friends, I do not even have a chance to make friends with everything happening right now.
I regret not knowing where to look for help or how to even find one.Â
Lastly, I regret now knowing myself better each and every day. I realize that my relationship failed because I am not growing as a person. I am stagnant, no excitement, nothing. I am still the Jasmine you know four years ago, in a bad way. I just do not know how I can cope up with this.Â
I do not know how to get better.Â
If you want to know what I am currently listening:Â
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1yCC5oOWgxs6IrlV994Oe4?si=EkGD0gY1RO2i-Hv5mZIBig
Lol same shit again
half of adulting is basically you trying not to cry
my favorite love language is trying, actually
like when people try to learn your hobbies or try to play the same sports that you play in an effort to get closer to you, people who try to love you the way you love people, people who will go to places you want to visit just for your sake, people remembering, putting in an effort. just. trying

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Tumblr still feels like my safe place after so many years
eventually you realize you donât want to die. you just donât want to live the life youâre living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.
no one needs to add âsounds fake but okâ, ânoâ, âwell, not meâ, âimpossibleâ, etc. to this post. and iâd rather you not.
one day you think: I want to die.
and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book.
and I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun
I want a cleaner kitchen
I want a better job
I want to live somewhere else
I want to live
You can make this an active process too. When you feel "I want to die" gently correct yourself with "I want to rest" or "I want to relax" or "I want a day off in the woods" or "I want to revisit a favorite book/show/hobby". And then if you reasonably can, do it. Gently redirecting your thoughts works if you are consistent and kind with yourself. It can work too with anxiety, redirect once you feel the guttural pangs, before it is a fully formed thought.
FOOD IN MOVIES
TURNING RED (2022) dir. Domee Shi
Taipei 101 is THE MOST EVIL building on the planet
Look at this fucking Judge Dredd-level shit, god damn.
This is where the final boss is
it has a gigantic counterweight towards the top to reduce swaying, which is kind of necessary for any very tall building, but its out in public view and painted gold and you can see it like, swinging around
#this whips ass youre all just weak
Is it brilliant architecture? Yes. Is it glaringly obvious that this is a supervillain aesthetic? Also yes.
Maybe if someone posted a photo of this building not covered in dark fog and shot from an ominous angle, you would see that actually she is very friendly and beautiful.
You could certainly make all buildings look evil given that angle and lighting. Observe this, brother.
All you are proving is that all tall buildings are evil, which we already knew
Thatâs misogynistic but ok
âMany of my movies have strong female leads - brave, self-sufficient girls that donât think twice about fighting for what they believe in with all their heart. Theyâll need a friend, or a supporter, but never a saviour. Any woman is just as capable of being a hero as any man.â -Hayao Miyazaki
Happy International Womenâs Day!

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good things will happen đ§ż
things that are meant to be will fall into place đ§ż
THIS ONE FUCKING WORKS. REBLOG IT.
this for real fucking works
â.A break from everything is so needed
Small children choosing to interact with you is the biggest compliment, like a random baby waving at you on the bus, a child asking you a question at a restaurant. That shit is immaculate.
titsayy on Instagram
fast car by tracy chapman isnt even a song thats God

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
It still triggers me, no matter how often I tell myself that it should not be like that.
do you ever sabotage your own free time? like wtf is that about? i want to play this game or read or do something specific but instead i will just stare out the window or scroll mindlessly???