For the next several weeks of QT Says we’re going to be doing something a little different! We get a ton of questions from our transgender patients, community members, and our fabulous QT followers about the details and how to’s of name change and gender marker change paperwork and processes. We know it can be a bit overwhelming (even when the outcome is exciting and good!) so we’re going to share all the details about the places and ways you can change your name and gender marker on various legal documents.

To catch up quickly, read our intro here. And, this info is also all in one place in an adorable little booklet for you to access for free here.

So, if you want to change your name, it’s wise to do the official name change paperwork with your state as your first step in your journey of Transgender Paperwork. After all, for many that is what you’ll be changing on other documents, too.

To change your name in New York State involves filling out some forms and taking these forms, in person, to the County Clerk’s office in the county where you live (I know, right? Face to face contact? Is it still the 1800s?), and paying a fee. Not a New Yorker? Go here for state specific info!

You also need to be 18 years old. If you are under 18, your parent or guardian will need to take all these steps and fill out the forms on your behalf.

Before you do anything, look up your County Clerk’s office online (search your county + county clerk, that usually works). Some offices have a lot of information online. If they don’t have a robust website, the Clerk’s office itself should have information about the name change process in their county, which can be helpful if you want an overview of exactly what to expect. Some even have name change information packets with sample forms and other information. Some don’t have a lot of help or resources. Sadly, it’s a bit inconsistent.

An overview of the process in New York State is available here.

New York State forms and info are available here.

YOU WILL NEED: Court papers asking for the name change, which you will have prepared ahead of time, because you’re brilliant like that. What do those papers include?

A name change petition – the petition must be filled out, signed, and notarized (by a notary public.)

A proposed order; you can find a sample form at PPSFL.ORG/transgender or from your County Clerk’s office.

a Request for Judicial Intervention (RJI).

Proof of birth - the original or a certified copy of your birth certificate.

And you’ll need to pay a court fee, which is currently (dang) $210

Sometimes it helps to see examples! We have all sorts of samples and templates for letters for name and gender marker changes on our website, they are at the very bottom of the page here!

A quick reminder before we go any further: MAKE COPIES OF ALL OF YOUR DOCUMENTS.

Got it? Cool. SO WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?

Go to the County Clerk’s office in the county where you live. (Unfortunately you can’t do this online, you must go in person. Because it’s still the dark ages.)

When it’s your turn, tell the staff person that you would like to file for a name change. They will:

Look over your paperwork,

Ask for your proof of birth and return it to you,

Probably ask to see a form of photo ID like a driver’s license and

Ask you to pay the fee.

Different offices accept different forms of payment, not all offices will accept a debit or credit card. You’ll want to check online or call ahead to ask so you have the right payment method and don’t need to go through this entire process again.

Your request will be assigned a court number. Ask any questions you may have of the staff while you are there. It can be helpful to bring a friend along for some people; they can make waiting in lines less annoying or stressful and can help you remember the questions you want to ask when you are in the middle of things!

Usually it will take a few weeks before a judge reviews your request. Good news: in New York State you usually do not have to appear before the judge in court. Instead the judge reviews your request without you having to be there.

After the review you will receive a letter stating your request has been approved pending your placing a small advertisement in the newspaper publicizing your name change request. (Newspapers! It is the 1800s!) The paperwork from the judge will tell you in which newspaper you must place your ad.

CLICK THROUGH TO READ HOW TO PLACE AN AD IN A NEWSPAPER BECAUSE IT IS APPARENTLY STILL THE 1800s

When you receive the affidavit of publication in the mail, head back down in person to your County Clerk’s office with it, and with all the paperwork the court sent you. The staff will look over your Affidavit and verify all is in order — which it will be, because you have this handy guide and also you’re awesome — and then they will notarize and place a seal on your paperwork that shows it is complete.

You just leveled up. Sweet!

This paperwork is your official name change document! You will probably want more than one official copy of this document. If you choose to change other documents, you will use it to update all of them too. Tell the staff how many official copies you’d like – there is usually a fee for each copy (this is usually about $5 per copy). In some cases you will need to show these official originals (not just photocopies of the original) which is why you’ll want a few. Which brings us to…

1. Talk about your feelings

Talking about your feelings can help you stay in good mental health and deal with times when you feel troubled.

2. Keep active

Regular exercise can boost your self-esteem and can help you concentrate, sleep, and look and feel better. Exercise keeps the brain and your other vital organs healthy, and is also a significant benefit towards improving your mental health.

3. Eat well

Your brain needs a mix of nutrients in order to stay healthy and function well, just like the other organs in your body. A diet that’s good for your physical health is also good for your mental health.

4. Drink sensibly

We often drink alcohol to change our mood. Some people drink to deal with fear or loneliness, but the effect is only temporary.

When the drink wears off, you feel worse because of the way the alcohol has affected your brain and the rest of your body. Drinking is not a good way to manage difficult feelings.

5. Keep in touch

There’s nothing better than catching up with someone face to face, but that’s not always possible. You can also give them a call, drop them a note, or chat to them online instead. Keep the lines of communication open: it’s good for you!

6. Ask for help

None of us are superhuman. We all sometimes get tired or overwhelmed by how we feel or when things don’t go to plan.

If things are getting too much for you and you feel you can’t cope, ask for help. Your family or friends may be able to offer practical help or a listening ear.

Local services are there to help you.

7. Take a break

A change of scene or a change of pace is good for your mental health.

It could be a five-minute pause from cleaning your kitchen, a half-hour lunch break at work, or a weekend exploring somewhere new. A few minutes can be enough to de-stress you. Give yourself some ‘me time’.

8. Do something you’re good at

What do you love doing? What activities can you lose yourself in? What did you love doing in the past?

Enjoying yourself can help beat stress. Doing an activity you enjoy probably means you’re good at it, and achieving something boosts your self-esteem.

9. Accept who you are

We’re all different. It’s much healthier to accept that you’re unique than to wish you were more like someone else. Feeling good about yourself boosts your confidence to learn new skills, visit new places and make new friends. Good self-esteem helps you cope when life takes a difficult turn.

10. Care for others

‘Friends are really important… We help each other whenever we can, so it’s a two-way street, and supporting them uplifts me.’

Caring for others is often an important part of keeping up relationships with people close to you. It can even bring you closer together.

The historic Stonewall Inn in New York already has landmark status, but this week the Obama administration announced they are planning to make the site a national monument in honor of the LGBT rights movement. 

Federal officials, including Interior Secretary Sally Jewell and National Park Service Director Jonathan Jarvis, are traveling to New York for a May 9 meeting about the proposal, according to the Washington Post. City officials are still looking into the land’s title, but barring any complications, Stonewall should be declared a national monument as early as next month — just in time for Pride Month and New York City’s famous parade.

The Stonewall Inn was the site of a police raid in June of 1969 — when patrons fought back and stormed the surrounding streets, they sparked protests in New York City and around the country that are largely seen as the start of gay-rights activism. President Obama mentioned the bar in his 2013 inaugural address when he said the principle of equality should guide the country, “Just as it guided our forebears through Seneca Falls, and Selma, and Stonewall.” (His was the first mention of gay rights in an inaugural address, according to the AP.)

teenVogue reports:

The Drexel University study, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, included a survey of 2,513 people between the ages of 14 and 24 with different sexual preferences. The researchers found that the teen girls and young women who identify as bisexual and questioning were more likely to report depression than those who identify as heterosexual. Teen girls and young women who are bisexual were also more likely to report that they were currently thinking about suicide than any other group in the study, and those who are bisexual, questioning, and lesbian were more likely to report ever having thought about suicide than heterosexual women.

but i have never in my life seen a post saying to support masculine trans girls and trans women or trans girls and trans women who like traditionally masculine things and its really important to understand that showing support for trans women in any form is just as important as showing support for trans men so please, please reblog this.

If you (generic you) decide to bring a child into this world, you owe them unconditional love and care. This is not optional. This is not something you give or withdraw depending on the child’s compliance, performance, configuration, sexuality, gender identity, grades, room cleanliness, etc. You owe them love. You owe them care. You owe them support. You decided to bring them into this world, you owe them. It is your obligation and your responsibility.

Here’s a great list if you’re looking to watch series that has bisexual characters. 

The list includes:

Y'all. Y'ALL. 😢

bi aces are beautiful  🌠

pan aces are beautiful  🌠

gay aces are beautiful  🌠

lesbian aces are beautiful  🌠

aro aces are beautiful  🌠

het aces are beautiful  🌠

demi aces are beautiful  🌠

grey aces are beautiful  🌠

aces that are still figuring things out are beautiful  🌠

Like, you really, genuinely think that you, as a 16 year old presumably straight teenage boy would have changed your name, requested everyone you know call you by different pronouns, changed your entire wardrobe and look, went to school presenting yourself as a girl, dealt with the bullshit you would likely have gotten from your parents, family, friends, classmates, teachers, doctors, neighbors, people on the street, and rearranged your entire life…

Because you maybe, might have possibly caught a glimpse of a titty in the locker room?