my mother wanted to arrange a marriage for uncle (mid-40s) to ‘have a woman take care of him into old age’ because he’s special needs, though i am unsure if she meant wife or daughter. he’s capable of work but isn’t actually capable of really taking care of himself, so we live with him and his wife.

my uncle being special needs significantly reduces his childcare abilities. he is mentally incapable of playing with her because he cant really play pretend or relay emotions (not sure if this makes sense to ppl who might not know what im talking about). his main contributions to his daughter are making money and supervising her, however, he isnt good at the latter.

for example, recently the toddler accidentally slipped while standing on a chair and hit her jaw on the table, causing her teeth/gumsto bleed. i immediately took her to the sink to cool it down. uncle was sat across where she had slipped at the table the whole time. when i asked why he didnt do anything, he said that he ‘was eating breakfast’. idk what he would’ve done if i wasnt there

her mother is currently 24 iirc. she does the bulk of the childcare. she doesnt have any friends besides talking to family back in the home country. the main thing i see her do is be on her phone, i dont think she has hobbies either really. i dont think she wants to be with my uncle or in this country for the rest of her life, which is understandable. we used to be concerned that she wasnt feeding her properly but im assuming she’s doing a decent job of taking care of her physical needs now. her mother is capable of relaying exaggerated emotions and lending comfort to her child at times, however, I surmise that my aunt is often tired or unwilling to tend to daughter’s emotional needs

however, there is a common issue of the child being left to cry and being iced out. this is understandable in some cases because the toddler will sometimes reject comforting even while crying, and we cant force it to accept it if it doesnt want it (i think this is normal?). her mother will comfort the toddler if its crying for physiological reasons (i.e. pain, hunger, etc) but wont for emotional pain (which is often low stakes stuff, like not playing baby shark on repeat, but still warrants comforting at that age). I think my aunt has stopped slapping her daughter, though she used to do it. I’ve noticed that often when she cries for emotional reasons, neither her mother or father try comforting her. her father stares blankly saying ‘oh she’ll take care of herself’ and her mother will either ignore or shout at her.

It’s only our side of the family, especially MY mother, who hugs and comforts her when she cries. brother and i do try to comfort her, but when we’re tired or have responsibilities to tend to, we ignore her cries. in my case, i have at times literally put on headphones to drown out her cries (while she’s under her parents supervision), which is as bad as it sounds, however, it is necessary at times because i cant drop everything to take care of her AND have the responsibilities I need to do be fulfilled. the toddler needs 24/7 supervision, which her parents can fulfill, albeit inadequately, so it’ll have to do at times

As I’ve said, my aunt doesn’t like it when i ‘interfere.’ this includes asking my uncle about conversations they had shared. my uncle relays all conversations i have with him to my aunt

I currently offer childcare when I can but will send the child back to her mother if trying to comfort her doesnt work or if she’s getting in the way of my work. I understand that this situation is twinged with misogyny. I might need to consider stepping up more, but I also have my own responsibilities. when i go back to university, I may not be able to help her nearly as much as I can now

i live with my aunt and uncle, and they have a 2-year-old daughter. uncle is special needs and honestly kinda useless as a dad, but our family facilitated an arranged marriage for him despite this. aunt is his wife and is kinda unwarm and tired, and often shouts at or ices out the toddler when she’s upset for unfounded reasons. i do sometimes take care of the toddler a little bit and either offer supervision or play time w her, but i also sometimes ice her out if she irks me.

i do grasp that this toddler’s situation is probably not emotionally good for her, and im unsure if i’m being childishly narcissistic for not really doing more for this kid, but i cant really gauge how much moral obligation i have for taking care of a kid who’s mother lowkey hates me and i didnt ask to raise, despite kids being owed emotionally responsive caregivers and her dad being ineffective