Ace Trainer Jaimie wants to battle!

beekeeping manual

written using a predictive text interface

source: flow beehive instruction manual

method: chose a word from 15 options at each step. set favorite whole sentences to images.

transcript:

If someone is trying to build a huge fuckoff concrete thing - say, for instance, a giant wall - they’re going to need an obscene quantity of concrete, and that’s all going to have to be transported there from the nearest mixing plant. This means they’ll have multiple trucks coming by to decant concrete in consecutive pours while the workers place it and vibrate it to ensure it all intermixes and sets properly, forming a monolithic mass. If one pour is allowed to set before the next one is added, you get a big, ugly, possibly structurally unsound gap between the two called a “cold joint.” A bad enough cold joint can completely fuck your whole project because the next engineer or inspector who sets foot on that site is going to take one look at that motherfucker and immediately embark on a quest for blood vengeance. You will literally have to cut that whole section of wall out, slap some dowels in the nearest structurally sound bits, and re-form and pour the offending segment from scratch, which represents a fortune in cost overruns and will make everyone involved very upset. This is an especially bad problem in hot climates, because the concrete curing process is exothermic - that stuff sets much faster when it’s really hot out, and its 28-day compressive strength tends to be poorer as well.

david attenborough narration

written using a predictive text interface

source: transcripts from ‘the blue planet’ (2001)

method: chose a word from 15 options at each step. set my favorite completed sentences to photos.

transcript:

Brain: Dude.

Thomas: Yeah?

Brain: Just came up with an idea for the best thing.

Thomas: What?!

Brain: Here you go.  Create it.  Bring it into this world.

[Thing gets all crumpled the second Thomas touches it.  Guitar music stops.]

Brain: What did you just do?

Thomas: I don’t know, I just –

Man: Holy smokes, this thing looks awesome!  Hey guys, take a look at this!

[Guitar music starts again]

Brain: Nice!

We will be creating an anthology titled Utter Fabrication: Historical Accounts of Unusual Buildings and Structures. It will be a collection of fictional stories about haunted houses and other weird places. For this anthology, our pay will be 2¢/word.

We are particularly looking for stories from authors who are underrepresented in fiction: people of color, LGBTQ, non-Western religions and cultures.

Each story is written from the perspective of someone who has encountered this strange location. Like our regular magazine, this narrator will also have a bio. Be certain that your story meets these requirements:

Dirk Gently + Night Vale tweets

Bonus:

you have a life time. you have tomorrow. time is fucking relative okay, and you’re not racing anyone here unless you have some weird bet running with someone. in which case you sort of made that bed for yourself i am sorry.