AcesAround

You’re damn right I want attention. 

I want attention so that every teenager who’s not interested in sex doesn’t feel like they’re broken. 

I want attention so that every asexual with an allosexual spouse doesn’t feel like they’re being unfair for not wanting sex. 

I want attention so that every asexual who’s repulsed by or indifferent to sex doesn’t think they’re the problem. 

I want attention so that asexuals don’t get pushed out of LGBT+ safe spaces for being “basically straight”. 

I want attention so that asexuals who come out to their health care providers don’t get told they need to get their hormone levels checked. 

I want attention so that asexuals don’t get called “frigid”. 

I want attention so that asexual storylines in media don’t turn into “fix it” storylines. 

I want attention so that asexuals stop hearing “you just haven’t met the right person yet.” 

I want attention so ace-specs like demisexuals stop hearing “that’s just how everyone is.” 

I want attention so that asexuals stop suffering corrective rape to “cure” us. 

I want attention so people stop accusing me of being asexual just to be “different”. 

When I was a teenager, I destroyed my body by forcing myself into sexual situations because I didn’t know about asexuality. Well, I knew about it, but of course I wasn’t asexual. No one in their right mind would be.

I was young, Asian, depressed, and a closet ace. All my access to basic human decency relied on sex. I didn’t know how to address sexual intimacy, or romantic relationships. I didn’t have any asexual vocabulary or knowledge of what it meant to be ace.

I’ll never be able to regain a whole chunk of my life. That’s all been tainted by years of neglect and abuse.

So I’m part of a movement that’s trying to prevent such a thing from happening again. And this bullshit pushback that I’m seeing? This claim that our attempts to save ace youth is somehow a detriment to people who aren’t ace? That our readiness to offer options is to blame for the actions of our mutual oppressors?

My closeted, confused young self was on the road to death. That’s inarguable. That’s what happens when aces have no options.

Even now, I struggle with asexual explicitry and how to embrace sex as a queer survivor. I NEED asexual visibility. And I need others like me to find a community with.

I agree we do need to increase ace visibility.  We need it so that every young girl, boy, and inbetween doesn’t have to feel broken when their friends talk about sex and how horny they are.  So they don’t have to laugh nervously because they aren’t sure what that means and maybe I can force myself to feel that.  

We need to increase ace visibility because otherwise how will they know that they belong?  How will they teach their family members about what it means to be ace?  Their friends?  The annoying people at their parent’s church asking when they are going to meet a nice Christian boy?

But actually when you’re questioning it’s really helpful to be able to ask some ‘stupid’ questions although you’re too afraid to

…Yeah? Gay men sure as fuck can be sexist and transphobic and racist, lesbian feminists literally have a subculture full of violent transphobes, and racism is a rampant problem in the LGBT community. Bisexuals are constantly accused of being privileged because they can pass as straight, as if being erased is a privilege. 

I’ve been thinking on this for years and after lots of research and pondering I truly believe Im. (Drum roll please)

Demisexual. Or if you want to be really specific. I lean more towards heteromantic demi… what do I do from here?

You can tell people if that’s what you feel comfortable with - if you want them to know. You’re under no obligation to megaphone your sexuality and romance out there. It’s not other people’s right to know; it’s your right to let them know if you so choose. If you’re okay with doin that, do so! If you’d rather just not tell, are scared to tell, or are even indifferent on the whole matter, then by all means, say nothing.

Congratulations on finding a name for that part of yourself! \(^o^)/