According To Michael III

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“I was seventeen. Only child, not a lot of friends. But I had a plan. I was going to become an actress, get a role on All My Children, meet my husband on set– and when that was all over, I’d host a talk show. Kelly Ripa did it; I could do it too. Back then it seemed like every woman on television had gotten their start as beauty queen. So my senior year I decided to enter my school’s Homecoming Queen competition. It was organized like a Ms. America pageant. But this was a rough high school, only one other girl signed up, so I had a good shot. My whole family got behind me. My mom was a seamstress. We noticed that in most pageants we watched, the winner wore a white dress. So she sewed me a white dress that I picked out of Seventeen Magazine. First came the interview portion, and that’s when the trouble started. The judges asked me about the Anita Hill testimony; I wasn’t ready for that. I was ready for world peace. They were supposed to ask me about my goals, so I could say world peace. But that didn’t happen. The talent portion was later that night at the homecoming dance. The whole school was there. I chose a Sheena Easton song; poor choice. Not the right crowd for that. The other girl chose ‘I Feel Good’ by Stephanie Mills, and she had the whole crowd singing along. That’s when I knew it was over. But then, a miracle. The guidance counselor quieted everyone down, and announced the winner: it was me. Me! It was my Kelly Kapowski moment. Everyone was cheering, the other girl congratulated me. But it only lasted five seconds, because the guidance counselor said: ‘Wait a second, I’m sorry. Joanna is the runner-up.’ It was the worst moment of my life. In fact, the only thing that got me through COVID was knowing that it could not possibly, possibly be worse than that moment. And here’s a twist for you. Remember that guidance counselor? Several years later I ended up acting alongside his son in a play at Queens College. In one scene I pulled a gun on him, and the director was like: ‘We need more anger. Think about something that makes you angry.’ I was like: ‘Well, that’s easy. His father ruined my senior year. And quite possibly, my entire life.”

“We’ve been dealing with invisibility. We started realizing we’re kind of fading. So many of our friends say that: that they’re becoming invisible. Everybody needs a welcome from somebody else so that they can feel useful. It’s a real source of energy. And when you realize you’re not getting that as much, what happens is you get scared. And you also say: maybe we could do something a little different. So at some point we came up with the idea of the cute older couple. We were hoping to find some younger friends. We’ve always been attracted to younger people. You know, young people struggle. So we like to support them and wish them well and give them a lot of approval. And young people need cute old couples. They love cute old couples. So we decided to play it up a little bit. That’s what it is: ‘play.’ It’s really play. Have you ever seen two dogs greet each other? One dog will drop down, and bam, suddenly they’re playing. I think that’s what we’re doing. We’re inviting a play response.”

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“It took me a long time to figure out that not being able to get my homework done doesn’t mean I’m a bad person.”

Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch

“Growing up I was very much in my own head, my own world. Instead of getting a babysitter my mom would just go to work and leave me at the house. We didn’t have a TV or anything. And when there’s no one to talk to, you just become your own friend. I’d look out the window and try to imagine myself doing things. Like: ‘What would it be like if I was standing on that roof? What sort of things would I see?’ But when you do that too much, at some point you get lost. I didn’t even feel alone. It’s hard to explain, because I haven’t experienced nothing else. But it’s like: you don’t feel lonely if there’s never nobody else there. And there was never nobody else there. Alone was my normal. It was my comfortable. So when we first started dating, I didn’t know what to do. Every time we were alone I would speak non-stop. Then I’d stop myself mid-sentence and be like, ‘Damn. I’m speaking a lot. I need to shut up.’ And she’d be like: ‘No, just keep telling me what you were telling me.’ I was just so excited. I felt like l a kid with a new toy. I’m not calling her a toy, that’s not what I mean. But that’s how I felt. Like I don’t know how this works, but I can’t believe I have it. I’m in love now. For so long I’d told myself: ‘This is never going to happen.’ But then it actually happened. It was like: ‘What do I do? Where do I go now?’ Every day has been something new. Monday feels like Saturday, because every day has meaning. I’m figuring out about her, and about myself, and about the world. Like, I didn’t know you could have fun in winter. There’s so many indoor activities you can do, just simple things. Like wearing matching pajamas on New Years. I never knew about that stuff. It can be so fulfilling. Sometimes you don’t even have to do anything. Just having somebody sitting next to you makes you feel nice inside. And that’s how it is now. That’s how my life is. She’s my comfortable. When she’s not with me, I wish that she was. I feel what it feels to be alone.”

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION (1987-1994) “Haven” (1.11)

Write the shit out of that shit.

16. MERMAID - Do you prefer fantasy or sci-fi?

MERMAID: Fantasy.