a regular snoutband

oooouuuggghhhh

i stay up late to be happy for a few more hours

you can honestly be having the worst day of your life, open tumblr and there's your long time mutual who has recently gotten really into toy story yaoi just posting away

Stephen King’s Fujo

yknow kinda something special about the fact that i got a cut on my left hand ring finger while working on someone’s christmas present. that’s gonna leave a scar. every time i look at my ringfinger i’ll be reminded of it. the “wedding band” finger… kinda more intimate than marriage…

but also OUUUUUCCCCCHHHHHHHIIIIEEEEE

cut myself on the same finger while trying to cut a bagel…. idk how to romanticize this one guys

you have to fuck the bagel now

i have to fuck the bagel.

absolute cunt serves absolutely

no?

if hunter biden or rupaul tweeted this you'd be all over it

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

you may have noticed that my story is disorganized and thematically incoherent and my plot structure is weaker by the verse. this is commentary on the chaos of mortal existence under the yoke of the immortal gods

People in stories who get a dramatic phone call always hop in their cars and go “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in one hour.” and then they are. It’s always half the time. It’s never, “I’m two hours away. I’ll be there in an hour and fifty minutes.” And sometimes it not even life or death! Love interest will be like, “what are we?” and suddenly some subaru is going 150 mph up the median on I-5. Everyone’s gonna fuckin throw tomatoes at me and hiss for my brave, controversial take, but I don’t think you should tokyo drift thru a school zone just so you can eat pussy sixty minutes ahead of schedule.