Hello, You Beautiful

she swear she killed it

THE SMILE

Men are so fuckin weak dude I swear. Women are out there grindin like nothing’s wrong while bleeding out of their vaginas 7 days a month, cramps so bad we can barely function, pushing a human out of our hoohas, taking pills that fuck with our horomones just so you can hit it raw and you have the damn nerve to judge the size of our hips that have birthed the civilizations of the world like they were made to be admired by you? No. Next time you get flicked in the balls I don’t wanna hear u talk about how it’s so much harder being a man. Damn. Shout out to women. Don’t let men tell you shit.

we can only sext if we roleplay as key figures from the cold war 

im gorbachev who wants to be reagan

Mr. gorbachev tear down those pants

nature is beautiful

is that a croissant

Maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

Why would you intentionally eat olives like what in the fuck? are you okay? is someone forcing you to do this? You need me to call the police let me know so we can help you

there is a component in olives that some people taste as extremelly bitter and some people dont taste at all. it’s just how we were born please leave us and the olives alone

That’s a mom move if I’ve ever seen one.

Give em the ol razzle dazzle

imagine youre sitting next to your dog watching TV and he says exactly one clearly pronounced word in English and you freak the fuck out and he literally never does it again 

my dad knows a guy who swears on his life that his dog once walked into the kitchen, said “hamburger meat” then walked out

that is so scary