Can we talk seriously for one second? It's about narcissists.
I'm in bed writing CoN!Rhys and Cardan and spinning fantasies of cruel, arrogant men who actually just need to be loved and turn into wife simps by the end of the story. Charming, clever, beautiful men with an ego streak is what I like.
I just wanted to make sure I said out loud that I do not actually think that trauma is a good excuse for intentionally hurting people, nor do I think that narcissism is something that can be fixed with enough love. Listen to Auntie Morgan.
Under narcissism there is no secret softness.
Under narcissism there is only a black hole of selfishness and a desperate need for admiration. You'll be perfect to them until you're not, and then you'll never be good enough. Narcissists find kind-hearted people and then suck them dry, until they are empty and broken, and then they move onto the next one.
I have loved a narcissist. I am now a mental health professional. Narcissism is a nasty thing that tends not to get better because narcissists don't want to change. You cannot save a narcissist.
I've posted about my narcissist a couple of times on tumblr. I loved him a very long time, this is not a recent heartache this is years long in the making, and I'm in a relationship with someone else now but he still gets under my skin. I loved him and he ate me alive.
Yes, at first it was hot. It was smoking hot sure, but then it started to really, really hurt and I began to wonder where chunks of me had gone. The constant lies made me feel like I was going insane, he had (has) no respect for me or my boundaries or my safety. He told me so many times he was sorry and he realised how bad he was and he was working on change. He was not. He told me he loved me, and only me, more than anyone else. He did not.
This is all to say that when I write fics I am writing deep and dark fantasies that are just that. Fantasies. Things I wish that could happen but don't. And I have so many of you lovely people here with me, particularly young women, and I have so much love for you all. So I need you to not look for these men in real life. I need you to not let yourself be tortured thinking that they'll change, that they're loveable underneath like Rhys or Cardan.
Yes, narcissists are beautiful, and charming, and clever, and will come after you hard. Yes they are traumatised, and sad, and angry, and they will confide in you that they need love and you're the only one who understands. They will still choke the life out of you at the end of the day, and they will not care that they have done it.
I still like confidence, and kink, and even arrogance (when it's not delusional). But I have watched narcissistic relationships drown so many beautiful people, and I want to make sure that I am very clear about not adding to the lie that real life narcissists will change if you just give enough of yourself to them. Your boundaries and consent are so worthy of protection.
So be safe out there my loves, and don't ever let people torture you just because they have trauma. We all have fucking trauma.