I fagged out emotionally and bodily

For @merlinbingo Arthur Does Something Unexpectdly Nice S3 + @polymerlinmicrofic Freedom

Please enjoy this (unedited) completely self indulgent Merlin Birthday Fic for my bday haha!

Merlin was the happiest they'd ever been in their life.

Magic was free and thriving in Camelot.

It was living, breathing and flowing through the land as it was meant to. He could feel it everyday when he woke up the ever present thrum of magic all around her, and honestly she didn't know how he'd ever lived without it.

But that wasn't the only thing that had changed, no because Merlin got to be loved by the people who he'd held in his heart protectively for so long.

If someone would have told him five years ago, that Arthur, Gwen, and Lancelot all returned that love for them, he probably would've laughed in their face and called them a fool.

Yet here he lay in Arthur's bed snuggled up with Gwen, and Lancelot on the morning of his 23rd birthday.

Sometimes I get bored and go on ao3 to read content from fandoms I've heard of but know little to nothing about to see how the authors interpret the media and to see how much of the original story I can put together from what I read. This is the first time I've thought about "documenting" what I've learned, so here we go.

(I have a basic knowledge of the mythology around Merlin the wizard, King Arthur, and the Knights of the round table, but I don't know anything about BBC Merlin--except that Morgana is stunning--and I haven't watched the show)

This is what I understand from the few fics I've read over the course of two days:

There's a dragon living under King Uther's castle who's name starts with a K (don't ask me to spell it) and I can't pronounce the damn thing so I just pretend it's a keyboard-smash. Kilghurghahasd. (Also what kind of name is Uther???)

King Uther doesn't like magic. Magic is illegal in Camelot and anyone who has magic will be killed. People think magic is something that one can study to learn, but apparently people are born with it and can't just wake up and chose to embrace magic one day

Prince Arthur is a "prat". He's sassy, entitled, kind of self-centered. So... typical spoiled royal character, I suppose.

Merlin is the main character. Somehow he's even sassier than Arthur and commonly does and says things that Arthur could have him hanged for, but Arthur is almost impressed by the audacity and continues to let him live. (Not sure if this is canon or if every author on ao3 just decided "this guy has a lot of sass potential, let's make him extremely brave and say things canon Merlin could/would never say)

Something-something "teach you how to walk on your knees" (???). This quote was only mentioned once, but I feel like it's significant to the fandom for some reason. I don't completely understand.

I gather that Merlin is basically immortal, the most powerful magic user to ever walk the planet, and was told by basement dragon Kilgomndsashddhalsdhd that he was destined/fated to serve and protect Arthur, #1 prat in Camelot, for the rest of his life. Arthur doesn't know about this and makes Merlin's life miserable while Merlin is bound to a magical oath to save his sorry ass. Basically he's a god fated to fall for a mortal and eventually outlive him. Yikes. Greek tragedy type shit.

Merlin has thwarted attempts on Arthur's life on multiple occasions, drank poison for him, and nearly died for him more than once (not sure if the frequency of these events was exaggerated by authors or if Merlin really does save Arthur's ass that much in the show).

Merlin has committed murder (not sure if it's canon, but he kills people in fanfics, so) and will do so again without hesitation.

Arthur is destined to bring about "the golden age of Camelot". Spoiler alert, that doesn't end up happening. I read a fic that said he died in Merlin's arms????? What????

Merlin also goes by Emrys. Arthur doesn't know that Merlin is Emrys, but I think the druids do. Emrys seems to be known/respected as a warlock, but Merlin is not, so shhhhh.

Arthur is a very experienced knight and he's good in battle, but Merlin enchants his weapons and protects him from the sidelines.

Why is Merlin never wearing armor? Why are the bandanas so significant? Also there's a purple shirt?

Merlin's eyes glow golden when he casts spells and has to speak to cast spells. How does no one notice his eyes glowing?

Merlin journeys to a kingdom where it's widely known that magic is outlawed and punishable by death and not only does he actively practice magic while in the territory of said kingdom, he does something that earns him a high-up position as a manservant in the tyrant king's castle where his job is to personally attend to the man who's father will murder him if he discovers he has magic. And he uses his magic to do mundane things like heat the bath and make food stay warm, or conjure butterflies.

Arthur killed a unicorn and that didn't go over well, especially considering Merlin is the human equivalent of what a unicorn is to a horse. (He's more mythical creature than man with how much magic he has, right?) This pisses off three otherworldly ladies (the English equivalent of the Moirai) who tell Arthur that he and Merlin are two sides of the same coin.

Yngraine(?I know I spelled this one wrong) was Uther's wife, Arther's mom who he never got to meet, and it's Uther's fault she's dead, but he blames it on (keyboard smash because I can't remember anyone's name) Ngisthehsgse because she had magic.

Merlin and Arthur are gay for each other and they're the only two who don't know.

Merlin is clumsy but this works in his favor.

Uther got married to a troll once. Also he was bald and it was Gaius' fault.

There's (at least) one knight who knows Merlin has magic, and there's another knight who has magic too, but Arthur is oblivious, kind of an idiot, and knows none of this.

Gaius (did I spell that right?) is a physician by day sorcerer by night who teaches Merlin what to do with his magic.

Gwen (inspired by Queen Guinevere, I'm pretty sure) is a friend of Merlin's and she serves Lady Morgana, who is Uther's favorite child (born out of wedlock), and Arthur's half sister that he doesn't know he's related to. She also has magic, but it starts in her dreams and eventually drives her crazy. She advocates for magic but she becomes an enemy to Arthur and thanks to her everyone is like "GAH MAGIC IS BAD."

When King Uther dies, Arther does not bring magic back into Camelot. Cowabummer to all the druids and stuff.

Arthur is the king of once and again, or something like that. I can't remember.

Merlin continues to be a cheeky shit, even after Arthur is crowned king. Arthur retaliates by telling Merlin to do his chores, which irritates Merlin (honestly I get it though because he's protecting Camelot all the time and trying to be undercover with all this magic stuff but the best excuse Gaius can come up with in the way of a cover story is "he was at the pub". And Arthur believes that?????)

Arthur's knights let Merlin sass their king

Everyone loves Sir Leon

There's always one knight right between Merthur when they're flirting and I can't remember this dude's name.

I keep confusing Gwaine (what kind of name is that) and Gwen.

Gwaine is more loyal to Merlin than his own King.

All the knights have an unspoken rule to protect Merlin no matter what.

Merlin's a dragonlord. Not sure exatly what that means, but his dad was a dragonlord too and there are exactly two dragons in existence. Kthasthahdkgghthdshd and one that was kept in an egg or a little hole underground or something.

Don't ask me the plot of anything, all I know is that whatever the plot was, it went unfinished. The first ten pages of the novel were drafted, edited, reviewed, and refined, but the last 200 were left blank. Put your quills away and close up the writing desk, it's a tragedy because it will never finish.

I feel like Peeta playing "Real, Not-Real" with Katniss, trying to figure out what's canon, not canon over here.

Now here's what I've learned after a brief Pinterest dive into the BBC Merlin fandom, which added greatly to the smidge I learned from ao3:

I thought the ao3 authors were making up how often these guys got in each other's space, but the subject media is a lot more touchy feely than I expected!

Every screenshot is the most beautiful and cinematic shot I have ever seen (but apparently the CGI leaves much to be desired).

The actors are gorgeous??? Hello???

Uther's Pink DS

What the hell, why does Merlin have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.

What the hell, why does Arthur look at Merlin like he also thinks Merlin has the prettiest eyes he's ever seen.

I literally cannot emphasize how surprised I was by every screenshot and gif I came across how close Merther were. Lots of lingering glances, lots of not-so-subtle touches, lots of tension. Seriously. I thought it was one of those things where there are two characters who interact for like one scene and the fandom goes berserk with possibilities and makes a relationship out of what’s basically nothing (like Lestrade and Mycroft from BBC Sherlock), but you guys they’re so in love and you can literally see it.

Magic is an allegory for homosexuality. There's a whole group of people that are open about it, but they're purged. Merlin has magic but he has to hide it, it’s right under Arthur’s nose the whole time, but he was raised by Uther who claimed magic was evil and had to be purged. He spent his whole life hating/fearing magic, so accepting it was difficult. Magic is demonized because it's not understood.

Arthur only found out about Merlin’s magic shortly before he died. 

"I’m sorry about how I treated you." Are you fucking kidding me. (Was this him apologizing for all the things he said about magic in front of Merlin or finally realizing how much protecting Merlin did behind his back?)

I’m bringing back the fact that he died in Merlin’s arms because seeing it written and seeing a screenshot from the show are as different as night and day. That shattered me. It was so tender and so heartbreaking. It was so delicate, but you can tell Arthur’s death was not. It was violent, but he got tenderness from Merlin in his final moments. Merlin, who had succeeded in protecting him time and time again, only had to fail once. And he had to live with that failure for the rest of his immortal life.

The scale is imbalanced and the same thing that gave him power is also what cursed him. Merlin has too much magic and too much love, but neither of those things is enough to keep Arthur from dying.

Merlin protecting Arthur is what doomed their fates. Merlin loving Arthur failed them both. I don't know enough about the narrative to explain how, but I know that it did.

Merlin lives forever without the person that’s referred to as a part of his soul.

The Merlin fandom has been around for centuries and will never die.

Arthur is in the lake.

Merlin is still at the lake.

The story has ended. We are all still at the lake.

Damn, BBC Merlin is a jail that no one is ever getting out of, huh? (This fandom is hurting me and I'm not even technically in it.)

Anywho, that's what I learned, going from knowing next to nothing about it, reading a few fics on ao3, and doomscrolling on Pinterest for an hour.

Not sure if I’m gonna watch the show or not, but it was interesting to read and discover. Both of my sisters have seen it and they liked it, but do I honestly want to torture myself by getting invested? Don’t know yet.

Arthur is not sure when that came to be. The realisation crept up on him stealthily, until one day he became aware that he’d been staring at the pale column of his manservant’s neck for close to a full minute.

His only excuse for the disconcerting fascination is that… It’s a nice column. Smooth. Solid. A grain of skin as fine as alabaster. It is rather shocking that a commoner should parade around with such a flawless bodily feature, but by now Arthur is resigned to Merlin eluding the rules of propriety and class conventions. By all rights, Merlin should have a peasant’s neck – sinewy, weathered, pimpled, with creases of age-old encrusted filth. Not a Roman statue’s milky throat and perfect collarbones.

Because, yes, Merlin’s collarbones are works of bloody art too. And for everyone’s peace of mind, Arthur would rather not dwell on said offending clavicles, for gazing too long at them makes his tongue long for truly disturbing acts.

So are

colostomy bags

Diapers

insulin pumps

Oxygen systems

rollators

hearing aids

compression garments

prosthetics

FREEDOM AIDS

- service animals

- noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders

- wheelchair attachments

- fidgets

IT’S DISABILITY PRIDE MONTH YALL