Confounding Destiny.

me, dumping a load of freshly washed but unfolded laundry on my bed: boy i’m sure gonna be pissed about this when i want to go to bed

Hot adulting tip: make a “responsibilitysona” and roleplay them when you have chores to do

#this is Neurotypical Karen and she enjoys having good sleep hygeine & returning phone calls (via @deadpanwalking)

I find that if I’m wearing Real Adult Business Clothes my worksona can do things like call people and check my inbox, whereas pajamas hellen mostly wants to shovel hamburgers into her face and set things on fire. 

cats think they can get away with anything if they just meow pathetically and blink their huge dumb baby eyes and they’re right. my cat could rip my throat out while i slept and i’d still try to call him my sweet baby bastard and pet his soft furry tummy as i exsanguinated on the carpet.