My Life

Midwest Late Summer

“I don’t really like to call myself a brand, and I don’t like to think of myself as a brand. I’m a singer, a songwriter, a musician and a performer. And an actress, and all the other things that I do. When you add it all together, some might call it a brand, but that’s not my focus.” — Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter (September 4, 1981)

WASHINGTON—Expressing concerns about the propriety of being left alone with a syrup container of the opposite sex, Vice President Mike Pence reportedly asked his waiter Thursday to remove Mrs. Butterworth from the table until his wife arrived to join him at a local diner. “Excuse me, sir, would you please take this out of my line of sight until my wife gets here?” said Pence, who reportedly attempted to put the table’s sugar dispenser and salt and pepper shakers between him and the feminine syrup bottle before deciding that even having Mrs. Butterworth within arm’s reach could lead him to have impure thoughts. “It just would not be right for me to sit here alone with a woman-shaped container, particularly one as shapely as this. In fact, I would advise you to do the same for the man sitting over there—I see he is sitting very close to Mrs. Butterworth even though he appears to be wearing a wedding ring.” At press time, Pence had asked the waiter to pour syrup on his pancakes for him, as it would be unseemly to handle the curves of the plastic woman in such a public place.

BURLINGTON, VT—Saying there could be no other cause for the abrupt change in volume, a report released Monday found that a nearby conversation definitely just got quiet to prevent you from hearing it. “There’s no question that your presence in the café is the sole reason the people at that nearby table lowered their voices,” read the report in part, emphasizing that the group had been speaking completely naturally up until the very moment of your arrival. “We also found that the change occurred shortly after a glance in your direction and that there have likely been one or more additional glances since.” The report also confirmed that the group burst into laughter once they had left the establishment and determined you were safely out of earshot.

Prepare to have your knowledge receptors jammed with facts on ‘Learn Attack,’ a brand-new science series from ClickHole. In this episode, David asks: What is the meaning of teeth?

Report: Chip In Mug Right Where Mouth Goes

In Mario Kart: Double Dash, CPU drivers that are far enough away from the player do not interact with hazards on the road.

The creative Spanish duo, who go by the name of Reskate Studio, use phosphorescent paint to add an extra dimension to their art by hiding clever pictures inside the images they create. Whether it’s a rabbit that turns into a hand shadow puppet, a loaf of bread with a knife inside, or a Saturn-like planet that becomes a vintage diving helmet, Reskate Studio puts a fun new twist on traditional street art that enables it to be enjoyed regardless of the time of day. Check out a small sample of our favorites below. (Source)

Have you ever actually seen a 14 year old boy