a-screaming-flute

noob-o Nuvo TooT ($24.99)

Perhaps this better suits your ability level.

*includes a Firstnote™ lip plate, which will help you blow into the flute successfully

Practice Book for the Flute Omnibus by Trevor Wye ($28.00)

Even your abysmal technique can improve quickly with daily practice (this means practicing every day) of these helpful exercises. Some of them are a bit challenging at first, so don’t be scared to play them as slow as you require. Eventually, you should be able to play them in every key, which can be a bit daunting at first (sharps are scary), but I’m sure you’ll get there.

MetroTuner ($28.40)

Don’t worry, when I was five, I too had trouble staying in tune and in time. This handy little gadget will help you do the things that are sort of the minimum required of any musician.

Flute flag ($33.50)

Given your muffled tone and sloppy runs, it is possible that your saliva has leaked into the pads and mechanism of your flute. Don’t worry, this is easily fixable, just remember to actually clean out your flute after practice. Yes, it only takes a few minutes to swab out your flute and be like the big, grown-up flutists you look up to. This flute flag will especially help you to clean out the filthy unreachable areas in your headjoint!

Brannen Kingma System Flute ($22,780.00)

You’re itching to play some more experimental music, right? After all, why else would all your notes be out of tune to the point that they sound like quarter-tones?

I just participated in the orchestra for a conducting masterclass and ended up learning a lot about conducting myself, what works and what doesn’t work. so here are some of the common mistakes that the instructor had to correct, for any aspiring conductors out there:

1. keeping your head buried in the score: it’s likely that if you’re staring at the score, you’re not doing much else. you’re probably not cueing entrances or indicating dynamics, and you might not be keeping time all that well either. when you’re staring at the score, there’s a disconnect between you and the music. memorize the score. conductors should treat themselves like orchestral players in the sense that you can’t show up to rehearsal without having learned the music.

2. mirroring: your left hand and right hand shouldn’t be doing the exact same thing all the time. the right hand is for showing the pulse, and the left hand should be for showing dynamics and expression or cueing entrances. I noticed that by the end of the week, most of the students in the class held their left hand to their chest and then used it only when it was necessary. during expressive oboe solos they were asked to pretty much just follow the soloist and not interfere. it’s possible to overconduct those kind of things and it gets in the way of the music.

3. moving too much/making motions that are too big: a lot of conductors tried to “do it all themselves” and produce the sound. conductors should encourage the sound, but if your conducting is really dramatic and the orchestra is not responding, it can be distracting. similarly, if your conducting motions are too big, the music tends to slow down. during fast parts, a lot of conductors just sort of stand there and watch the orchestra do its thing while they keep time. 

4. moving the baton out of sight: some conductors have a habit of turning completely towards the cellos when the cellos have a beautiful melody, and while it makes the cellos feel all warm and fuzzy, you have to remember that the violins are sitting behind you and they can’t see what you’re doing. turning too much in either direction might make the orchestra fall apart. conductors also tend to stand a bit in front of the concertmaster and principal cellist, which you definitely shouldn’t do. I can guarantee you that most of the violins aren’t counting and they’re relying almost entirely on the concertmaster. if the concertmaster can’t see where beat 1 is, everyone is screwed.

5. unclear downbeats: marking the downbeat seemed to be the most difficult part for the conducting students, particularly when there were pickups involved. some students made a huge gesture a few beats before we actually had to play, some students made no difference between a regular “this is beat 2″ and “this is when you play” motion, some students left entire beats out of their conducting pattern which threw off the people who were actually counting, and all of these things just cause confusion and uncertainty, and you don’t want the orchestra to be confused when they’re supposed to be playing a huge forte chord. what seemed to work best was keeping the beat, breathing the beat before the orchestra has to play, and then making a very clear and obvious “I expect sound” kind of motion. 

6. forgetting that certain instruments exist: I played second violin in the masterclass and that were multiple times that we would have a weird entrance and the conductor would either cue the first violins when we play (rude) or forget we exist entirely. the violas had a similar problem. I’ve played both second and first violin many times before and the second violin part is usually more rhythmic and demands more attention and focus from the player. the entrances in the first violin part tend to be more intuitive, even though the music itself may be more difficult to play. outer voices usually need encouragement (first violin and cello), while the inner voices need very clear cues so that they can be sure when they’re supposed to play (viola and second violin). and when the inner voices have a melodic line that needs to be brought out, you need to indicate that, otherwise the first violins will keep playing loudly and the second violins are going to be a bit timid.

and this last one is a personal preference: making weird faces. there was one conductor who looked really constipated while we were playing some light mozart music. there were a few conductors who looked absolutely in love with the woodwinds when they played solos. your face should reflect the feeling of the music, but it shouldn’t be distracting. again, if your face is really expressive and you’re not getting that sound from the orchestra, it works against you. 

another thing that a lot of conductors seemed to forget is that, like an instrument, it requires practice. you need to know the score, the conducting patterns, what gestures you want to make with your left hand, etc, and you need to physically practice what it is you want to do when you step onto the podium. 

bitchy flute player

socially awkward clarinet player

mentally unstable oboe player

violinist who practices six hours a day

hot percussionist

bassoon player who doesn’t know what’s appropriate to say

saxophone player who always looks high

violist who hates everyone

asshole trumpet player

huggable tuba player

bass clarinet player who has no idea what the hell is going on

piano player who looks like he probably carries a knife around

I.

this is the first lesson you learn: you are always wrong.

there is no electric hum buzzing through the air. there is no stinging bite to the sweetness of the mango. there is no bitter metallic tang to the water.

there is no cruelty in their laughter, no ambiguity in the instructions, no reason to be upset. there is no bitter aftertaste to your sweet tea, nothing scratchy about your blanket.

the lamps glow steadily. they do not falter.

II.

this is the second lesson you learn: you are never right.

you are childish, gullible, overly prone to tears. you are pedantic, combative, deliberately obtuse. you are lazy, unreliable, never on time.

you’re always making up excuses, rudely interrupting, stepping on people’s shoes. you’re always trying to get attention, never thinking about anyone else, selfish through and through.

it’s you that’s the problem. the lamps are fine.

III.

this is the third lesson you learn: you must always give in.

mother knows best. father knows best. doctor knows best. teacher knows best. this is the proper path. do not go astray.

listen to your elders, respect your betters, accept what’s given to you as your due. bow to the wisdom of experience, the education of the professional, the clarity of an external point of view.