What Am I Doing?

let the bodies hit the floor is such a scary song. usually bodies hitting the floor isn’t a good thing but this guy wants it to happen anyway.

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

(no beers in) So how do you perceive me in the privacy of your thoughts

it's always "why do you pace so much" and never "how was the pacing was the pacing fun"

have you reopened the wound? will you reopen the wound? when will you reopen the wound?

Im so excited!!! So, i shall lay an egg!!!!

The master of the house is preternaturally beautiful. The housekeeper hungers.

unfortunately I am not attractive enough to identify as a hot mess but I am definitely a room temperature inconvenience

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

I think it would be incredibly emotionally fulfilling to hit someone in the back of the head really hard with a shovel

-Jonathan Harker, June 30, 1890-something

I cannot understand why anyone would want to fuck a Pokémon when the Pokémon world is canonically bountiful with hot empty-nest moms whose husbands are absent or nonexistent

the Cc in emails stands for Cuck chair