Not All Is What It Appears

It’s quite possible you spoke too early, Miss. And it’s not a threat, despite how it may seem. I’m quite peaceful you’ll find. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Lawrence Frisk. I sincerely hope you didn’t already know. People are ugly gossipers generally.

*A smile spreads across her face entirely of its own volition at his little joke, and she inclines her head before playing along*

The suggestion to exercise caution could never be interpreted as a threat.

It is a pleasure to meet you in return. Aerwynna Howell. And, oh, I never pay attention to gossip. That which isn’t outright false is either exaggerated or simply cruel.

Seriously what I have been saying for the past few years now. Thank you. But where are my manners, ha. I’m Lara Dupond. It’s really nice to hear a civilized opinion for once.

Lara Dupond, of course. It is wonderful to finally match a face to the name; I have heard only glowing reports so far.

Aerwynna Howell. It is a genuine pleasure.

“There definitely are a lot of people,” Ed agreed with an eager nod and a smile. He lifted his plate a little closer to his face to catch some crumbs as he easily inhaled another hors d'oeuvre. “I’m surprised they have enough food for everyone.”

*She hums in amused agreement, inclining her head and taking a sip from her drink*

It is impressive, all the planning that has obviously gone into tonight. And admirable, of course. It lightens the heart, to see so many people gathered together with a mind for peace.

You must excuse my manners, I don’t believe we’ve met before. My name is Aerwynna; yours is...?

See, I wouldn’t have had a problem doing away with violence long ago. It wasn’t any of my companions parking a dragon butt on a school graduation or picking a fight at a memorial. I like talking too. I just would like to talk to you outside.

The dragon was perhaps a touch excessive, I’ll grant you, but it is my belief that the overwhelming show of force was key in ensuring the attempt to take the castle remained bloodless. And I was not present at Harry Potter’s memorial, and so cannot speak in depth to the motivations behind the conflict there. Personally, I hold grief too sacred to tarnish such an event with an attack, but as I was not yet in town, my views mattered little. 

It is my hope that things might change, now, but I’m sure I have no need to tell you of all people that hope is futile until it is realised.

*She hides an amused smile behind her glass, before inclining her head in acknowledgement of Roxanne’s words.* I am afraid, Miss Weasley, that any conversations held tonight will have to remain within the walls dictated by the Vow we both took. I am not naive enough to trust you, and Bellamy came back from her time with you and your friends so pale and shaken that I would not wish to risk experiencing such a thing personally.

If you wish to talk in the future, however, I am terribly easy to owl. I have no interest in lies, or pretty half truths; you may always expect an honest answer from me, should you ever have any questions.

I am glad too. I’ll admit it makes me nervous. I can’t see the peace being kept, and it feels like a trick, but I am tryin’ to lose that feeling and replace it wit’ ‘ope. I ‘ad so much ‘ope for zis night before it began. It’s good to see you and looking so well. I’m sorry we were never able to make arrangements before. I’m sorry I was too much a coward to come to zah castle when invited. It would not be zat way if I were given a second chance. 

…But Aerwynna I do ‘ave one question for you–only one taken from zah many I ‘ad before and the only one zat seems important now– and it must be answered, please, for my sanity if you can swear an ‘onest answer.

You owe me no apologies, Olivier, nor was your reluctance to meet with me cowardice. I am conscious of the decisions my companions have made, of the steps they took before I arrived in Hogsmede. Regardless of my own thoughts on such events, meeting with me would have been a mammoth expression of trust, and for a woman you only half know. It was presumptuous of me to ask such a thing of you, and I am sorry that I put you in such a position. I am only glad we have the opportunity to speak now, instead.

I do not know how much my word means to you, but I swear myself and my companions will not be responsible for any conflict that breaks out tonight. If any does, I will do everything in my power to prevent anyone being hurt.

It grieves me that I did not arrive in Hogsmede until after much of the violence had already taken place. It is not my wish, nor truly those of my friends and companions at their core, to hurt anyone, least of all engage in violence merely for violence’s sake. I will do all I can to prove that to you, Olivier, and anyone else who is at this time not too far gone to listen.

*She hesitates, worried what this question will be, preparing herself to have to think fast and talk around the answer; and then sighs.*

I could never bring myself to lie to you. Please, ask your question; I will answer it to the best of my ability.

Joshua spent most of the day reading, all too little avail for what he was looking for, and found himself out for a walk on the castle grounds. For the most part, he usually stuck near the lake, pausing occasionally to practice elemental magic when it struck his fancy. While passing the greenhouses he noticed the silhouettes inside seemed to be different, and he decided to pass by each opening to peek inside. It looked as if someone had been doing some rearranging, and before he actually spotted her, he knew who it was.

It shouldn’t have surprised him that what occupied Lawrence’s thoughts also occupied Aerwynna’s. “Restrain him,” Joshua suggested, taking a few more steps into the greenhouse. He could recognize what a few of the plants in the greenhouse were and decided to place himself in a position in the middle of an aisle, safely away from any dangling tendrils. “We took Hogwarts. We can keep Charlie in his place.”

“I don’t think Charlie will be intimidated by a dragon,” she offered, smiling at Joshua wryly; before sighing, interlocking her fingers in her lap.

“Something must be done, though, you’re right. As every day passes it seems he is trying harder and harder to prove himself beyond saving. Perhaps restraint would truly be best for him, if just to break him of this vicious cycle.” The image was a sad one, Charlie confined to one of the endless classrooms or down in the dungeons, but sometimes such things were necessary.

It would be better than killing him. If at least for how it would spare Nerissa the pain of losing a man she cared for, perhaps locking him up would be the best option.

“Lucille hazards we should give him something new to direct his ire toward, and I’m inclined to believe it would be better if he could still aid us, however inadvertently. I would be grateful for your thoughts on the matter; you often see things more clearly than others.” Aerwynna was aware she was biased, with Shani back home and Nerissa here, so attached, so vulnerable to heartache, and Lawrence, in this matter at least, was perhaps too forgiving, too attached still to the young man they’d once known. If anyone could approach the problem critically, it would be Joshua.

Bellamy was never as good with plants as she was at drawing them, but they did provide peace to her. The rich colours most of them had were fascinating to analyse. Nature was the most beautiful thing in the world in her mind. She had many a drawing book filled with drawings of plants at the various stages of their growth. 

She wanted to draw the different plants in the Greenhouses to give herself something stress free to focus on. Bellamy had been unaware that Aerwynna was going to be in the Greenhouse today. Grimacing involuntarily at the mention of Charlie, she still felt unsettled by the mention of him. “Can we not talk about him?”

“Of course,” she assured the other woman immediately, regretting that she’d not been more aware of her surroundings and spared Bellamy having to hear Charlie’s name, and she set aside the death cap before brushing her hands off quickly.

“If you’d prefer to be alone, I can go elsewhere,” she offered, smiling at the other woman warmly. She had no intention of pushing Bellamy to talk, or of infringing on her peace if she was unwelcome.

Nerissa hated coming to the castle. She didn’t like seeing what it had been made or feeling the guilt that came from associating with most of those inside it. Her sister was a reason to repress those feelings, however, even when Aerwynna made the first thing Nerissa heard from her a rhetorical question that set alarm bells clanging. “What’s going on with Charlie?”

She looked up sharply at the voice; and sighed, offering Nerissa a brief, fond smile and getting to her feet to face her properly.

“Nerissa, sweetheart, come and sit with me. It’s nothing you need to be concerned about, but we can discuss it fully, if you’d like; and then we can talk about how you’ve been. It’s been a while since I saw you last, and when I heard what had happened in London, I confess I was concerned, to start. You were working on the street where the explosions were, weren’t you?” She summoned another stool, and returned to her own before gesturing for Nerissa to sit with her.

Lucille had woken up at four in the morning, sure she heard the baby cry (Not a baby, the baby. It had been Addie specifically. The sound had haunted Lucille day and night since her second child had been born; she couldn’t possibly be mistaken for any other sound.) and it had set an odd tone for the day that she couldn’t quite shake. To be fair, it was one of those days where instead of throwing herself more into her usual games and distractions until she was able to laugh at the bizarre dream–or, better until it seemed once more like a bizarre dream she’d woken from not a moment too soon that she’d ever been a Mrs. Baughan much less a mum– and thank all powers that be that she never had to worry about a baby’s cry again, she wallowed in melancholic regret, wringing every bit of perverse enjoyment out of feeling wretched. It was a day for a large, soft sweater and unfocused eyes that stared beyond everything, and for finding someone to confess that she knew that she was a caricature of who she used to be but it was only because she didn’t know how else to move forward except back. 

Given the mood, it was no wonder that she, consciously or not, sought out the only person close by who knew her as much of anything but years old memories of Lulu, Cilia, or Lucille Fajka that she matched closely enough, as much as she typically found herself disliking Aerwynna for reasons that only started with that one. If pressed, it was a coincidence since she was in the greenhouse to sing to the venomous tentacula who she claimed grew better for her, and seeing Aerwynna there was coincidence and an unlucky one at that.

“Give him something else to fight,” the answer she hadn’t come out with at first when talking with Lawrence flowed now, overhearing Aerwynna’s muttered musing. “If we don’t want him as an enemy,” and, as much as Lawrence’s reluctance to come against Charlie frustrated Lucille, she didn’t consider him an enemy or want to either, “and he’d rather die than count himself a friend of Lawrence’s. It seems the best option is to at least give him another personal target to focus on.” It wasn’t her catharsis or talking about her favorite subject, herself, but there would be time to pivot.

“Lucille,” she greeted amiably; and then considered her words.

“He and his newfound allies are fighting on two fronts already; it would be convenient to have him refocus his efforts on the side opposite ours. It would not be easy, however, while he still sees his conflict with us as so personal. His hatred for Lawrence narrows his vision. Something would need to push him. Jonathan Marks and his ilk would need to do something to Charlie that outweighs Lawrence’s perceived slights.”

Truth be told, it wouldn’t be something that difficult. A touch of polyjuice potion, the right timing, and the death of one of his new favourites would have Charlie throwing his rage in a new direction quite beautifully. Were she a different woman, with a mind for blood, it would be a rather simple plan to engineer.

She was not that woman. And the obvious target - the one that might even unite them, if just in shared grief - was one she’d defend to her dying breath, however often she strayed.

“Part of the problem is his fixation upon Lawrence, and this idea we are but a faceless army behind him. He has forgotten we are here because we wish to be; because we have decided to be, and not because we have been manipulated or brainwashed. I do not believe he would have taken Bellamy did he not think her to be some lost cause. It would do him good to be reminded that we are more than Lawrence; that when he took Bellamy he hurt her, the woman he knew, far more than the man he detests.” She was loathe to even consider that Charlie might not care any more; that he had no care for the people he’d grown up with, and was not just blinded by his anger at Lawrence.

If that were truly the case, and he hated them all equally, then he would become too dangerous to be left alone; and she dreaded that time ever coming.

For the moment, she pushed away the thought, and regarded Lucille with a brief, slightly wry smile.

“I don’t suppose you could think of anyone clever or convincing enough to talk him out of this simplistic spiral of rage he has himself caught in.”

‘‘Although it took me all afternoon, it’s not a puzzle I know to solve. I sincerely hope you’ll tell me,’‘ Lawrence made his entrance, overhearing the murmurs and finding himself  not at all surprised that they approached the problem in the same manner when, just earlier, he was straining his brains over what to do, thinking out loud as well. ‘‘Most of all, I wish I could keep him from hurting himself. He’s building heavily around that and one day, someone might not love him as much as we do and be less caring.’‘

He sauntered until he got exactly behind Aerwynna, looking wearily at her. ‘’I can let him walk over me, but I can’t let him walk over Bellamy. This was more dangerous than just a stubborn boy rebelling. This threatened her life and God knows what would have happened if it weren’t for-’’ He stopped with calculation, wanting to be asked details, more than anything. His smile went warm, suddenly no longer that upset with the situation. ‘’You are the wisest person I know. Give a sentence and it’s as good as done.’’ 

It was easy to let Lawrence’s voice soothe some of her frustration away, and she shut her eyes as she allowed it to do so, let him focus her the way he already had done; and then hummed when he stopped himself.

Aerwynna opened her eyes and tipped her head back, smile indicating she recognised why he’d stopped, remembered that impulse, before indulgently asking.

“Weren’t for what? I imagine it’s something I will not expect.”

The flattery made her smile soften, fondness flooding her eyes, before she turned on her stool to face him properly, seriousness returning to her face.

“He must either be diverted or removed. He cannot be left to his own devices any longer; not if he is hurting our own. Not only was there so much risk to Bellamy, but such acts will only poison Nerissa further, and I cannot...” She let out a breath, fingers tightening on the poisonous mushroom still in her grip for a moment, before pursing her lips and continuing, “I will not allow him to mislead her any longer. Not to the extent where she is being taught that kidnapping our own is acceptable. It is only right that she has questions, that she comes to understand our cause by herself, through exploration of other ideas, but at this rate his hatred and vitriol will only manipulate her into blindly following in his footsteps, and I will take his life myself before I allow that.”

She left the last words to hang in the air for a moment, final and honest; and then set the death cap aside, and looked back up at Lawrence.

“I have no wish to see him harmed if it is not completely necessary. He is hurt, and angry, and lashing out, and more than anything I would have him return to us one day, when he is ready; but for now, I would rather see him turn that rage to a new target. One that, preferably, will be beneficial to us; but even if it cannot be that, it must be something other than us. He must be turned onto a new path. Charlie needs a new cause to throw himself at.”

What did you catch, Aerwynna? More food for the dragon?

Oh I wouldn’t dare feed it something so gamey. And all those bones; it would be so easy for the poor thing to choke. 

It does raise the issue of what to do with him, though; we can’t very well pretend trespassing is at all acceptable. Any suggestions, Lucille?

There is a brief nod near the beginning to acknowledge that he does recognize the importance of blood purity, but he follows it with none of the qualifiers and excuses he would normally. She gives less than he would but she still makes enough of a show he doesn’t have to, and he’d rather not interrupt her. There is little he wants to argue about the failings of the school, though he still can’t see what they did as a reasonable or necessary action. About all he can say is there were few casualties and he knows that has to be purposeful. It’s not a small thing, but it still seems like a low bar to set: not mass murderers.  Then she’s done speaking and he knows then he has to respond, though he still doesn’t know what he wants to say, in general and especially to her invitation to talk to the others. “…I do ‘ave some questions I’d like to ask Lawrence Frisk.” It’s said with a mild sigh that sounds like resignation. “I do still worry about coming to the castle. I worry about being seen, watched, I know ‘Ogsmeade is not always empty.  And I can’t give you anything but my word to not worry if I wanted to talk somewhere else, and aside from my place in Brittany I don’t know ‘ow to guarantee privacy”

Then I will find a way to visit you in Brittany. And I will use polyjuice potion, to protect you further. 

*She declares it without hesitation, confident and determined; and lets out a breath, reaching to touch his sleeve gently.*

I want you to have the chance to ask your questions. You and others; in time, when you are ready and we can all be sure of our own safety. For now, though, I am content enough with the knowledge I have not lost such a promising and dear friend.

& the wave is pouring under the door & I lick my plate clean & the tips of my hair are dripping down my chest & I swear the sea is shaking with laughter & water rises above my head

&

I do not hold my breath

—  L Mathis, from “High Water,” Instinct to Ruin

MERRY CHRISTMAS, CAITLIN. 

Surprise or not, it’s me wearing the red Santa suit for you this Christmas (making this sound way kinkier than initially planned). I hope you’re having the best possible 25th of December and that next year, you’ll continue to grace us on the dash with the juicy Tris replies to Cash. Sorry. It’s not a real Christmas until I make the people I love feel slightly guilty. Ask my mom. Jokes aside, thank you for your amazing characters and ships, as well as the serene and soothing presence you always seem to be (while internally screaming. I know you). 

I’m really happy I get to write with you from time to time and I can’t wait to see what else you have in store for us. Because this Christmas, you gave us the gift of Tristan replies, I’ll be trying to accompany it with edits for your other characters these days. Merry Christmas again. Take care of yourself and I hope that you still love me. 

Love, 

Raluca