oh no

"if yr stabbed dont take the knife out" okay so thats basiclaly cockwarming

i can never leave this place

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

If K-9 met the Master would he call them 'Master Master' or????

Implying that K9 would respect the Master enough to give him any honourific. That dog would shoot him.

i'm so tired of social media users saying "successful people are abusing stimulants". unsuccessful people are too. #WEMATTER

jerking off is gay because you’re the same gender as yourself

*usually

She was an American in a fanfic written by someone British; I was a Brit in a fanfic written by someone American. She came to me and said "will you help me with my maths? I need to get a good grade to stay on the American football team"; I told her "I'll bloody well help you parse math".

In a sense, it doesn’t matter how ridiculous it sounds to think Pepsi would genuinely honour that. Pepsi said that they would, therefore they have to, or else they’re guilty of false advertising. Companies can’t be allowed to say whatever they want in adverts, and when asked to pony up pull “it was just a joke, bro”. To use a slightly less ridiculous example, Fallout 76. One of the preorder editions can with a canvas backpack. But when they finally shipped, the durable canvas backpacks somehow became flimsy nylon. Complaints to publisher Bethesda got the response that the canvas version advertised was a prototype that was too expensive to make, so they handed out the cheap imitations instead. It took like two years in the courts for Bethesda to give people what they actually pay for. And they won because advertising law says you have to deliver on what you promise, even if it’s a Harrier jet. Introducing any level of “it’s just a joke” makes that effectively meaningless.

“Everyone has the same 24h” yeah right buddy say that to cavefish

dude’s fucking TORN about whether or not to buy a beret