@the-faculty @instructor144 @anon
My subby nerdy two cents …
Some of what happens to us is pretty basic biology, like a drop in glucose levels and mild dehydration – which is why easy to digest/absorb snacks and water/electrolytes are standard aftercare suggestions.
Some of what happens to us is the biochemistry of survival, aka fight-or-flight responses. Here I’m thinking specifically of the adrenaline and stress hormones that flood us during and bounce hard after. These are the reasons for the standard suggestions of warmth, soft lights, quiet and slow. Adrenaline needs time to work it’s way out and we need time to return to normal after the adrenaline crashes. Cuddling can go two ways here. Some are so over stimulated that it actually interferes with that return to their baseline. Others drink it up as a soothing elixer. There is no one right answer on cuddling immediately after.
Now to the more complicated chemistry – the neurobiology, e.g. brain chemistry. Words are hella powerful on brains – that’s why talk therapy works! We can literally use fMRI to see the changes in the brain from talk therapy. Bruises never last, but hurtful words can echo for a lifetime. But, in a BDSM context the words are a tool used by the Dominant to create specific reactions in a sub. Really no different than any physical tool (sensation tools, pain tools, blindfold, etc.).
Neurotransmitters such as dopamine and norepinephrine levels combined with oxytocin (human bonding hormone) really light up our brains. And the sudden drop off in those levels can create a whole realm of “drop” experiences. Besides just the immediate crash, the body/brain can take days to reestablish its normal baseline. There’s often a lot of bouncing around of these levels before “normal” is reestablished.
@anon , here’s the so called “weird” part. Our bodies/brains are pretty much one trick ponies thanks to efficiency and evolution. So in your long dark past (trauma), you experienced these same biological and brain chemical responses in a no doubt eerily similar fashion. Kinda like if you walk into a room that smells like the house you grew up in, all kinds a “weird” feeling memories start flowing. So let me reassure you that you are normal and not broken.
Here’s some things to consider trying to address the neurobiology/brain chemistry part …
Comfort foods are called that for a reason. They tend to have a serotonin response. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter most antidepressants try to target. It’s also the reason that the after Thanksgiving Turkey fat and happy feeling is common. Turkey is high in L-tryptophan, the building block of serotonin. So try some comfort foods in the next 24 hours after a scene.
During the scene, we can often reach a depletion state of dopamine. Raw, dark chocolate is a good option to help get some dopamine boost. The building blocks of dopamin are L-tyrosine. Try finding things that increase that in your diet. I actually use Jarrows Formula N-acytel Tyrosine supplements after an intense scene for at least 72 hours. I start almost immediately after with a split dose of 2 and then 2 more 4 hours later. Next morning 3, then 2, then 1. The idea being to make it easy for my body and brain to have available those building blocks.
The simplest thing any Dominant can do, and a sub can include in their own self talk, is to literally say outloud (repetitively) “It’s all over.” “You are safe.” Add in specifics as to time, date and location – “It’s a really warm Thursday afternoon. I’m so glad we’re decided to stay in your apartment for the day.” Brains are funny critters. Sometimes they need to be concretely connected to the present when awash in chemicals.
Rule out any under lying conditions by seeing a kink aware professional. Do not play random games with supplements just because they’re “natural.” Dominants must be prepared to be available and monitor if you incorporate trying the supplements that effect neurotransmitters. If you are re-experiencing trauma or having intrusive thoughts, a kink aware mental health professional is advisable.
Notice I never touched on endorphins? Guess what…. not all scenes induce enough pain (some never do) to trigger the endorphin response. But make no mistake. Endorphins only add to the complicated chemistry and the drop/rebound afterwards. In fact, it really increases the need for the D-type to be really tuned in over the next days.
I know my two cents are not hot, sexy answers. Nor are they poetic, romantic ones. They are in fact down right boring, nerdy, science stuff.
But that’s the way of it. All this reality stuff is usually rooted in boring science.
Take my two cents for what it’s worth to you, or leave it.
But whatever you do, keep working to find what will get you back to normal safely.
