LittleBratofRR

Dominance and submission, more than kink-filled fucks, Not just bodies crashing, not thrusts driven by lust, It is the mind that burns, the soul that stretches wide, More than sweat, more than flesh colliding in speed, It is trust, it is peace, it is freedom inside.

Consent is constant, it is always clear, It is spoken, felt, in every word and touch, No force, no pressure, just agreement held dear, It is the bond, the power, the thing they must, It is the rule, the core, part of why they trust.

Spankings or pain’s twist, not square with all, Pain is a choice, not a requirement to fulfill, Unless it is wanted, then turn that sting, Into a fire, an orgasm that takes wing, Transforming hurt into pleasure, night and day.

The right dominant calms the storm inside, They are the anchor, the steady hand, They clear the clutter, ease the weight, Help the submissive’s mind reset, recalibrate, Where surrender becomes the safest land.

A dominant finds joy not in power, but in leading, To see the submissive grow, to see them rise, To help them bloom, to witness their flight, To be fulfilled in the trust, the act of guiding right, To know that their steps have cleared the skies.

The union is sacred, a bond untold, Dominance and submission, a truth to behold, Not bound by chains, but by trust and need, The dominant leads, the submissive to heed, A consented connection, strong and steadfast.

I. Roles:

     1. Dominant: Also sometimes referred to as a top. Dominants can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. Dominants take control of scenes or partners in their relationships with submissives. 

          a. Dom - A male identified Dominant

          b. Domme - A female identified Dominant

     2. Submissive: Also sometimes referred to as a bottom. Submissives can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. Submissives give control of scenes or themselves to their chosen Dominant in their relationships with them. 

          a. sub - The abbreviated form of submissive. Can be any sex.

     3. Switch: A person who feels comfortable adopting both Dominant and submissive roles within BDSM. Switches can be any age above the age of consent, sex, or size. 

II. Dynamics:

     1. BDSM provides room for individuals to create an infinite amount of roles within the Dom/sub community. Partners are encouraged to create a relationship that works well for them, using the framework, rules, and etiquette within the community. That being said, there are many commonly used roles, which have created the basic dynamics that make up BDSM. 

          a. Dominants and their submissives: Those who do not find one of the three more common dynamics to their liking often simply refer to themselves as Dominants and submissives. This removes much of the structure of the other dynamics, and allows them to create a BDSM relationship without further defining their roles.

           b. Masters (Male Identified Dominant Role), Mistresses (Female Identified Dominant Role), and their slaves (submissive role): These relationships often begin with contracts, drawn up by the Master, and signed and agreed to by the slave. A dungeon setting or an abundance of leather is often an indication that a couple is playing within this dynamic. Those who are more sadistic or masochistic often play here as well. 

           c. Owners (Male or Female Identified Dominant Role) and their pets (submissive role): In this dynamic, submissives take on the role of many types of animals, often including bunnies, kittens, foxes, or puppies. These relationships often include cages, eating from pet bowls, submissives on all fours, and include such fashion as tails, ears, and leashes. 

          d. Caregivers (Male Identified Dominant Role is Typically Daddy, and Female Identified Dominant Role is Typically Mommy) and their littles (submissive role): This is often characterized as being the most nurturing of the dynamics. Littles often employ an innate or artificial age regression referred to as little-space, and will take on characteristics usually held by children ages 3-17, depending on what resonates with them. Caregivers use rules and tasks to provide structure within the relationship. The wearing of diapers (ABDL), pacifiers, onesies, stuffed animals, coloring, and other fashion and activities of youth are typical within this relationship. This dynamic has become immensely popular in recent BDSM history, especially within the Tumblr community. 

III. Common Dynamic Abbreviations:

D/s: Dominant/submissive                                                                                   

M/s: Master/slave, or Mistress/slave

O/p: Owner/pet

C/l: Caregiver/little

DD/lg: Daddy Dominant/little girl

DD/lb: Daddy Dominant/little boy

MD/lg: Mommy Dominant/little girl

A lot of the time when people give advice intended to relieve anxiety, they suggest doing “relaxing” things like drawing, painting, knitting, taking a bubble bath, coloring in one of those zen coloring books, or watching glitter settle to the bottom of a jar.

This advice is always well-intentioned, and I’m not here to diss people who either give it or who benefit from it. But it has never, ever done shit for me, and this is because it goes about resolving anxiety in the completely wrong way.  

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO when suffering from anxiety is to do a “relaxing” thing that just enables your mind to dwell and obsess more on the thing that’s bothering you. You need to ESCAPE from the dwelling and the obsession in order to experience relief.

You can drive to a quiet farm, drive to the beach, drive to a park, or anywhere else, but as someone who has tried it all many, many times, trust me–it’s a waste of gas. You will just end up still sad and stressed, only with sand on your butt. You can’t physically escape your sadness. Your sadness is inside of you. To escape, you need to give your brain something to play with for a while until you can approach the issue with a healthier frame of mind. 

People who have anxiety do not need more time to contemplate, because we will use it to contemplate how much we suck.

In fact, you could say that’s what anxiety is–hyper-contemplating. When we let our minds run free, they run straight into the thorn bushes. Our minds are already running, and they need to be controlled. They need to be given something to do, or they’ll destroy everything, just like an overactive husky dog ripping up all the furniture. 

Therefore, I present to you: 

THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHEN ANXIOUS

–Go on a walk

–Watch a sunset, watch fish in an aquarium, watch glitter, etc.

–Go anywhere where the main activity is sitting and watching

–Draw, color, do anything that occupies the hands and not the mind

–Do yoga, jog, go fishing, or anything that lets you mentally drift 

–Do literally ANYTHING that gives you great amounts of mental space to obsess and dwell on things.

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHEN ANXIOUS:

–Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other mind teaser game. Crosswords are the best.

–Write something. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Write the Top 10 Best Restaurants in My City. Rank celebrities according to Best Smile. Write some dumb Legolas fanfiction and rip it up when you’re done. It’s not for publication, it’s a relief exercise that only you will see. 

–Read something, watch TV, or watch a movie–as long as it’s engrossing. Don’t watch anything which you can run as background noise (like, off the top of my head, Say Yes to The Dress.) As weird as it seems, American Horror Story actually helps me a lot, because it sucks me in. 

–Masturbate. Yes, I’m serious. Your mind has to concentrate on the mini-movie it’s running. It can’t run Sexy Titillating Things and All The Things That are Bothering Me at the same time. (…I hope. If it can, then…ignore this one.) 

–Do math problems—literally, google “algebra problems worksheet” and solve them. If you haven’t done math since 7th grade this will really help you. I don’t mean with math, I mean with the anxiety. 

–Play a game or a sport with someone that requires great mental concentration. Working with 5 people to get a ball over a net is a challenge which will require your brain to turn off the Sadness Channel. 

–Play a video game, as long as it’s not something like candy crush or Tetris that’s mindless. 

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO DURING PANIC ATTACKS ESPECIALLY:

–List the capitals of all the U.S. states

–List the capitals of all the European countries

–List all the shapes you can see. Or all the colors. 

–List all the blonde celebrities you can think of.

–Pull up a random block of text and count all the As in it, or Es or whatever.  

Now obviously, I am not a doctor. I am just an anxious person who has tried almost everything to help myself.  I’ve finally realized that the stuff people recommend never works because this is a disorder that thrives on free time and free mental space. When I do the stuff I listed above, I can breathe again. And I hope it helps someone here too. 

He insists on punishments only. He refuses the application of a safe word indicating that he has never allowed a safe word before with his previous subs. He demands submission. Then he calls me unfit to be a submissive because I asked why he isn’t taking the time to learn me, put safety protocols in place or ease into the relationship so we can trust each other and then dive deeper. He demands consistency and discipline from me and exercises none himself.

Am I going insane here? When did obedience come before trust? How is submission not earned but demanded? What did I do wrong? How does that make me not submissive material?

@instructor144, @submissive-seeking, @thetriskeliondiaries, @the-faculty and others help me understand, please.

But, yes, I can help you understand.

This is not a man who understands the Power Exchange in the slightest.

He is not safe.

He is at the very least domineering, but more likely a lying narcissist.

He blames his failures on you by attempting to shame and name call.

“…unfit to be a submissive …” is the fake dom version of 16 year old boy saying “If you loved me, you would…”

Here’s some handy memes to add to your collection.

The first one is the answer about safewords.

The second answers to his completely obvious inauthentic bullshit.

The third answers your question about obedience (submission) and trust.

The fourth is what it is your looking for in a fully formed, functional Dominant. It’s not the kinky fuckery.

Oh and one last meme. This one’s directed to him.

1. Manipulation.

“But if you loved me you’d….” “You love me unconditionally don’t you?” “If you cared about me you’d…” “Dominants are supposed to…” “I’m a little submissive, you control me, so it’s all your fault.” “You hate me don’t you? That’s why you won’t do…” “You are such a dick, why can’t you just do something nice for me, for once.“ 

This is often done by “subs” who are out to use their Dominant for something, often to fulfill their kinky fantasies, and also often to get spoiled. The above phrases are often used to coerce the Dominant into buying them stuff, or participating in sexual play the Dominant is not comfortable with. Please remember you do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with, I don’t care how much tumblr says you have to eat her out or fuck her on her period, or lick his asshole, or buy her those new plushies and shoes every week, if you are honestly not comfortable with this, don’t let yourself get manipulated and talked into doing it.

2. Verbal/Emotional Abuse.

Putting their Dominants down, telling them how worthless/ugly/stupid/dumb/terrible they are, calling them names, and when you get upset you’re told that “it was just a joke.” “Don’t be so sensitive” “You’re overreacting.” “Aren’t you supposed to be the Dominant here?” “You control me so I can’t possibly do something to you you wouldn’t like.” Etc. This often goes hand in hand with manipulation and gas lighting to make the Dominant put up with this kind of abuse.

3. Physical Abuse.

Even if she’s a she, even if they’re 100 pounds and 10 feet smaller than you, if they even do as much as raise a hand at you or threaten to, you are being abused. Hell, even if it didn’t hurt, they are not supposed to hit you. At all. (obviously some couples like to play around a get a little rough and -both people enjoy it-, but I’m sure you all can tell the difference.) Again, if you say that this make you uncomfortable, they will often say things like examples already given. “I thought you were a big strong (wo)man.)” “c'mon, you should be able to take that, baby.” etc.

4. Denying you aftercare.

A lot of Dominants need aftercare too, and many don’t realize it, because for a lot of Dominants taking care of their submissive is their aftercare, but when for some reason this is impossible, Domdrop happens, and it can happen hard. Aftercare is not just for the sub, and if they don’t want aftercare but you know you do, and even after explaining will flat out refuse, it means they don’t care about your well being after an intense scene or session.

5. Refuses to give you any kind of love or affection or care. 

“You’re the Dominant, you should be able to take care of yourself.” “I’m the one who deserves love here.” “You’re too big and strong to be taken care of.” “Why don’t you pay attention to me for once.” “Your problems aren’t that bad.“ 

Affection is so important in a relationship, if it’s something you need, don’t ever settle for someone who won’t give you those things.

6. Does not support you in hard times.

When say, a relative dies, you may not be able to be as consistent, you still want to be their Dom and they your sub (or maybe not, thats fine too), but you also need them to support you and care for you in tough times. If they tell you to suck it up and take care of THEM instead, they are again a selfish little bitch that only cares about themselves. Take care of yourself when you need to, and you deserve a sub who will take care of you too.

7. Talk bad about things that are perfectly normally in D/s but that doesn’t fit their abusive agenda.

“Serve you? What. No. I’m a little fragile sub, YOU’re supposed to get ME drinks.” “Beg? I’m too good for that. That’s disgusting, you’re supposed to please me whenever I want you to.” “No, that’s not how D/s works.”

(obviously this is different from a sub who is simply not interested in these things, it’s the phrasing and the reasons behind it.) They’ll always make everything about themselves, and when you bring up something that isn’t specially for them, they’ll guilt you and shame you. They’re only interested in themselves and keeping you under their thumb.

8. Deciding everything without negotiation or regard for your feelings.

They never want to negotiate or communicate, play can only be on their terms, them never letting you actually decide or have a say in anything.

Your feelings matter, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, don’t let yourself get talked into anything. Communication is everything in a D/s relationship.

9. They never obey you, they try to convince you D/s is all about the submissive.

There’s a difference between playful, agreed upon brattiness that’s fun for both parties, and using their Dom for their own selfish needs. This is often done by subs who want you to buy them stuff, care for them, spank them, etc, but they do not want to actually obey or serve you. They just want to use you and take advantage of you. Often times, disobedience is more of a sign of an ignorant or inexperienced sub than anything, but when it is paired with manipulation and other things, is when it crosses the line from ignorance to abuse.

10. You feel like you can’t trust them. They lie often.

Trust is everything in D/s, absolutely everything. If you can’t trust them, you can’t have a D/s relationship with them. If they lie a lot, even seemingly small, insignificant lies, it is a sign they do not respect you. Or they’ve cheated, or you’ve heard bad stories from their friends/co-workers, you’ve found suspicious things, etc. You deserve someone you can trust, not a liar.

11. Every single thing that would be abusive in a vanilla setting, or if you were their child, friend, or sub.

Every. Thing. All those other posts and guides and things online and everywhere that talk about signs of abuse? It all applies here. All of it. Don’t put up with what you wouldn’t put up with if it were any other kind of relationship. Cheating, slapping, name calling, lying, blackmailing. 

“My dom(me) can do anything they want to me.”

or

“My dom(me) has total control over everything in our relationship.”

Or

“I never question my dominant, I just obey.”

Or

“I always submit fully.”

Or most other statements that include words like always, never, completely, totally, other “absolute” words etc…

They usually are said within a context that includes mutual understanding that actually does put limitations on the scenario. They aren’t literal statements. Using the “Id do anything my dominant told me to” example…it’s really something more like…

“My partner knows my limits and has my consent to initiate different types of sex or play. I know they wouldn’t ask me to do anything that was against a known limit. I also know they are a moral, ethical person who has a lot of respect for me and for our relationship. I know they wouldn’t ask me to do something harmful to others or to myself. Plus, if they ever try to initiate a type of play that I am randomly triggered by or otherwise can’t do in that moment, I have a safeword that they would immediately and fully respect. So within this framework we’ve built together, it feels like they can pretty much ask me to do anything, and we find it hot to say they can do anything to me. But we both know if they asked me to do something that is a hard limit, asked me to harm another person, do something against my core beliefs, among lots of other things - that there are lots of things I wouldn’t be willing to do.” 

I don’t think I saw that blog specifically but I have come across people who claim that if you don’t list something as a hard limit in a contract then it’s free game. 

I know that I am inclined to be a really literal thinker but my mind basically explodes at that idea. It’s one thing to state your hard limits if they are relatively common kinks. But to have to list *everything* that you wouldn’t be okay with happening to you or you being told to do? I think that’s literally impossible. I wouldn’t be okay with my toenails being ripped out with pliers, or my eyelids being sewn shut, or being told to kill the neighbors dog, or breaking into Walmart at midnight and peeing in aisle 3. But I wouldn’t ever think to list all those specifics in a ‘hard limits list’ because they just aren’t things that would usually come up. 

Several months ago I got an ask and as part of my response I suggested to the person that they just talk to their partner before trying any new kink together, so they can make sure both people are open to trying it and just address any concerns or desires about how to go about exploring that specific kink. 

Someone replied to the post saying that they like spontaneity so having to discuss a kink in advance is basically a drag for them, and so what they do is they just start trying something (as long as its not a known hard limit) and they rely on the sub to safeword if needed. I wrestled a lot with whether or not I should respond. Ultimately I didn’t, as I thought it probably falls in the ‘to each their own’ category. But for me? No way. There’s too much risk in just initiating something that the sub isn’t expecting. Of course it’s great to have a sub who you can rely on to safeword, but what if you try to initiate something that really scares them? It could do lasting damage to the sense of security and trust between you if the sub is really scared by something that is initiated, even though it stops as soon as they safeword…there could already be some damage done. For me, that trust/security isn’t worth risking just for spontaneity. I feel like we have plenty of spontaneity in my relationship and we’ve created that by having several types of play or several types of kinks that my dom knows I like, so he’s able to choose what and when (for the most part, anyway) from that list of ‘safe’ things. We don’t need to add spontaneity by him initiating unknown kinks. 

RESERVOIR DOGS

s-types choose who they submit to

d-types try to earn submission

Whether you are dominant

Or submissive

We meet on the same level

When WE decide to get D/s with each other

One of us goes high ⬆️

And the other goes low ⬇️

She will give

She will take

She will cry

And scream

She will bleed

She will bend

She will

…   … NEVER BREAK  

How to love a broken girl. How many would benefit from an instruction book for that? Its easy to love the carefree girls, the “normal” girls, the confident girls next door, but what about the broken girls? The girls with fortresses around their heart and shields in their eyes? The girls whose souls have aged beyond their earthly years? The girls with bodies and minds that have survived wars which would break the strongest of men? Sometimes these girls should come with a warning label. The warning pendulum swings both ways. This warning is not only for how you must treat her but for all the ways she will ruin you.

1. You cannot love her gently. She does not realize she deserves to be loved. You must love her with a force that can crush mountains. You must burn her soul so hot with your love that doubt melts away. Your love must be unconditional and you must show her on her very worst days.

2. She doesnt know shes beautiful. She can get compliments all day and she wont believe it. There is a demon on her shoulder whispering that its not true. It takes a dozen compliments to erase one hurtful torment from her past. Shower her with compliments, be her cheerleader, until your words are her heartbeat instead of her doubts.

3. Chase her. I know we often have the attitude of not chasing anyone. I know it is said to be weak if we chase someone who walks away, but we need to see you are weak for us. Sometimes a broken girl needs to see how much you need her. She needs to.see that vulnerability in your eyes to feel ok. We need you to need us.

4. She needs routine. Broken girls over analyze everything. They notice everything, too. Did you stop asking her for pictures after some time passes? Did you stop using a pet name? Every broken pattern to us means the end of the only thing we have ever wanted and it terrifies us.

5. Smother us with affection. Touch us. Kiss us. Touch us some more. Broken girls have not experienced enough positive affection in their life. We will absorb every ounce as a person dying of thirst demands water. You cannot shower us with enough of a good touch.

6. Be honest and keep promises. Broken girls have not dared to dream much. Every vow made to us has been broken. Every promise has been a lie. We would rather you never let a promise escape your lips than have you utter false ones.

7. Prepare to drown. If we let you inside our chaotic soul, you will be immersed in a madness you will not understand. We sometimes walk the balance beam of insanity and sometimes we fall. The biggest warning we should have is this.. if we love you, it is forever. We will love you with a loyalty that will amaze you. We will be committed and our heart will beat your name. While we are still broken we will try to devour all of your pain. We will be perceptive to your wounds and eager to heal your soul. If we love you, please be prepared that we will forever stay.

I know most people know what subdrop is, but for the few who don’t I’ll explain.

Subdrop is what happens to your body after you’ve drained your brain of all the hormones and chemicals that it released during a scene or session.

Meaning, after you‘ve come down from your high, you start to feel mentally and emotionally attacked from what just happened. You start to think all these bad things about yourself and how someone normal would not find what just occurred pleasurable in anyways.

That’s why aftercare is important. Showering your sub in compliments,food, cuddle sessions. Just stuff that will make them feel like you care and that you don’t judge them for enjoying what they like.

Another thing, I’m positive that most people don’t know is what topdrop is. It’s the same as subdrop but it affects doms/dommes.

I know some people will be like- “Doms/dommes don’t go through that, nothing like that bothers them.” That’s where you’re wrong.

Remember we’re all human so no one is exempt from feeling used or feeling disgusted with their actions even though they shouldn’t be.

Not many know this but being a dom/domme is exhausting. A good top plans physical punishments or sexual scenes down to the T so their is no room for accidents and after all that planning and executing said plan they sometimes feel bad for doing what they did or even feel used in a sense.

That’s why aftercare is important for both parties. Show them that you care and that you appreciate what they did. Reassure them that they didn’t hurt you in a bad way and that they only did what they did to help you grow. ASK👏 THEM👏 IF👏 THEY’RE👏 OKAY👏!! Especially right after a session.

That can be the difference between showing that you care or not.

My subdrop consisted of a mild woozy feeling, mind blank, my legs, back and sides were stiff so I wanted to stay there on the floor until I felt stronger again.

Since we hadn't discussed aftercare and I honestly don't know how we forgot about it, they came up next to me on the floor to cuddle, which is a nice gesture and I'm sure that for a lot of people that would hit the nail on the head, but that's not the case for me. I really dislike cuddling, I feel like I can't breathe or I'll make my partner uncomfortable. Even if I didn't feel the need to move before, I'll want to when being cuddled, simply can't stay still. Also I get really hot while cuddling which means I get sweaty and nobody involved wants that.

During aftercare all I need is room to breathe, unwind and a surface where I can curl up on and if I need a blanket, I'm usually able to express it.

In a case where one partner’s aftercare isn’t physical touch/ being alone but the other partner needs to be touched/ pampered, it’s advisable that you have a third person that you both trust that can administer the proper aftercare for the physical touch partner so they don’t have to wait until the other is done with theirs and just on a whole if your aftercare involves doing something with someone.

Always communicate what you prefer and what works best to ease the fall of the subdrop and topdrop. It doesn’t matter how intense the session or scene is, aftercare still needs to be implemented.

Not only that, but drop can manifest in many different forms. It can feel like a hangover, or utter exhaustion, or you can wake up just feeling off. You may be in physical pain, which is also tiring. And then there’s the mental state, you could feel depressed, lonely, confused, abandoned, insecure, unloved, and the list goes on.

And also the thing about it taking several days to recharge/heal, etc. whatever word you want to use, is true. And honestly some people may want more than one kind of aftercare, because they need time to process everything that just happened. For example, if it were me, I’d prefer lots of cuddles and kisses afterwards, and then for the next couple days, having enough to keep me busy without it being super exhausting, and also getting a little extra sleep lol. And the thing about giving aftercare to your dom/top? Preaching to the choir hon! It’s exhausting to be the one in charge all the time and you’re low key constantly worried if you’re doing a good job, or if you’re being too hard, takes a lot of trust and love, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t at least a little bit scared.

It’s really easy to turn the relationship become a one sided selfish thing, and trust me, I’ve been on both sides, and neither side is fun. When you care for your dom/top you’re not just loving on them but you’re also thanking them for the hard work they do and you’re thanking them for loving you, both in a feelings way and in the way of doing a scene with you. I love this post. I don’t see nearly enough posts about aftercare.