I will never get over Fang Runin who didn’t have the privilege of having a heart. She destroys her uterus and any chance of having a family and writes to no one in her hometown because she can’t afford to be distracted from her studies the way that her classmates can. The people around her open up about their past and their feelings and she can’t comfort them, she can only tell them to be stronger because that’s all anyone ever told her. She falls in love with someone who betrays her because his whole life’s purpose is creating a future that she can’t exist in. She actively refuses to see her enemies as people because she couldn’t live with the choices she made if she stopped to think. She couldn’t even hang onto the love she had for her best friend, the one person she loved more than anyone and swore to always protect, because she is so consumed by rage and grief and despair that in the end, she kills both him and herself.