whoops

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

Your monkeys ?

those aren’t mine.

i thought this was a hospital drama why does he have a shotgun?!??!?

It's a really, really good hospital drama

I'm so glad I turned on the Audio bc it turns out this is set to Boney M's Rasputin and is basically perfectly synced

how come they make you reinvent the concept of dinner every evening. I have to make dinner come true every evening like some kind of unpaid genie intern

"do it scared" this "do it tired" that. well no one ever talks about the fucking insurmountable "do it with greasy hair"

no one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying)