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checking your phone in the middle of a task

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i think we should start sexualizing and romanticizing hygiene cause there is no other method left

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my brain every night:
ladies can be little a evil. as a treat.

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Me on my first imbolc, wildly waving sandalwood incense around my messy ass room:
ç L ĂȘ à ñ
If women donât conform to beauty expectations, theyâre paid less.
â Madison, who works a customer service job at an airport spa, has an employee handbook that says âmakeup should be well maintainedâ and âhands and nails must be well manicured.â She says the few men she works with just ignore these guidelines âbecause theyâre meant for women but [it] doesnât explicitly say that.â Her wages ($13.25 per hour + 15% retail commission) do not include additional pay to purchase manicures or makeup. During her interview, her now-boss commented on how nice her makeup looked and how well her shoes matched her purseâcomments that make her feel like she needs to keep up that kind of appearance even though she already has the job.Â
Itâs well known that a persistent wage gap exists for women workers in the United States, a gap that becomes even wider when race, industry, age and geography are taken into account. But less frequently discussed is the often silent expectation around appearance imposed on women workers, which has its own financial costsâknown as the âgrooming gap.â The grooming gap refers to the set of social norms regarding grooming and appearance for women, including the time women workers must spend to conform to these norms and the material consequences it has on their lives.Â
Weâve all heard the common advice to âlook the partâ at work. For men, that can often just mean business casual clothing and a short haircut. For women, it can mean hours spent each week on makeup, hair styling and curating an outfit thatâs both attractive and professional.Â
The rules are usually unspoken; even when employers do not explicitly require workers to wear makeup, for example, women workers often feel required to wear it anyway.Â
Theyâre not wrong: Sociologists Jaclyn Wong and Andrew Penner found that physically attractive workers have higher incomes than average-looking workers, but that this relationship is eliminated when controlling for grooming in women. In other words, if you purchase the right clothes, makeup and haircut, higher wages are more within reach. Itâs true that men need to abide by certain grooming rules, too, but they are less complex, less expensive and less time consuming. Menâs haircuts, for example, often cost much less than womenâs haircutsâregardless of hair length. The grooming gap essentially constitutes a pay cut catch-22: If women donât conform, they are paid less; if they do conform, theyâre expected to use those higher wages on beauty products and grooming regimens.Â
Grooming costs for women can be extremely expensive; the global beauty industry, valued at $532 billion worldwide, directs aggressive advertising toward women to convince them they need to purchase a whole host of products to have a chance at being beautiful, well-liked or successful. The industry relies on maintaining impossible expectations around womenâs looks so it can continue to rake in enormous profits. One 2017 study found the average woman puts $8 worth of product on her face each day; another found the average woman spends up to $225,000 on skincare and makeup during her lifetime. And then thereâs the âpink taxâ: Studies confirm that, 42% of the time, products marketed to women are more expensive than comparable products targeted to men.Â
The grooming gap also results in a loss of free time: 55 minutes each day for the average woman, the equivalent of two full weeks each year. Sara Nelson, president of the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA (AFACWA), says that, in her industryâa workforce that is 79.3% womenâthe expectation around appearance literally âinterrupts your sleepâ: Flight attendants get minimal rest between flights, and that rest time is further shrunk because they are expected to appear âperfectly coifedâ before their next flight. Nelson says that all of her grooming tasks took 30â40 minutes each day (more than two hours in a five-day work week). Madison agrees: it takes her 45 minutes to do her makeup and style her hair before her 7 a.m. shiftâand she wakes up at 5 a.m. to get it all done. Prior to this job, Madison says she worked at the beauty department at Target, where she spent $200 on products every other week.Â
Restaurant and hospitality workers are perhaps hardest hit by the grooming gap, as they rely on tips to survive. When I was a barista in 2010â2011, the only official dress code rule was to wear closed-toed shoes, for safety. Still, I knew I had to show up looking pretty to pay the rent; I made less than $10 an hour and I needed the tips.
Katie, 36, a veteran bartender and server in Fort Smith, Ark., says at her current job, itâs âunderstoodâ she should wear makeup. At a previous restaurant, a manager even told her and her coworkers they would âmake better tips if [they] wore makeup.â
âBased on my own appearanceâweight fluctuations, makeup versus no makeup, jewelry versus no jewelryâthereâs a definite difference,â Katie says. She adds that she was passed over for the most lucrative bartending shifts at her previous job after overhearing her managers say they wanted âcuter girlsâ to bartend instead.
Multi-billion dollar industries also market fad diets and anti-aging products to women. Both Katie and Jeeva, 24, a bartender and member of UNITE HERE, the union representing hospitality, hotel and airport workers, worry about aging. âAs you get older, as a female bartender, your tips can go down,â Jeeva says. Katie says she âhope[s] to leave [the service industry] in the next 10 years, before I get too ugly.â
The grooming gapâs effects are compounded for women of color. According to Restaurant Opportunity Center, restaurant owners look for workers who are âclean-cut, [have] good hygiene or a professional appearance, all potential code words for race.â For instance, Black women spent $473 million on relaxers, weaves and other hair care in 2017, in part because of racist ideas that natural Black hair is not professional or attractive. Black workers annually spend nine times more on hair and beauty products than other workers.Â
For transgender women, too, there can be an added layer of work, stress and self-consciousness. Autumn, who transitioned while at her current publishing job in Washington, D.C., says she quickly realized how much time and energy it takes to perform femininity for work. She used to spend 20 minutes to get ready in the morning, but now takes at least 45 minutes. Autumn adds, âI have to do things that cis women donât have to⊠[but] itâs gotten easier with time and practice,â like tucking and dealing with facial hair. Because she presents extremely femme, Autumn says she hasnât dealt with enforcement around her appearance, but other women workers around the country have been disciplined and even fired for appearing insufficiently feminine. Women workers have suedâand wonâover gender discrimination that manifests as attractiveness discrimination.
Nat, a trans woman who works at a union in the Washington, D.C., area, says, âI didnât feel like I was allowed to be a woman if I liked masculine things. It delayed any kind of self-reflectionâ about gender and identity âfor such a long time.â
At work and in the world, all womenâcis and transâfeel the pressure to conform to normative standards of femininity and attractiveness. But the solution to this problem isnât to throw away all the eyeshadow or take out a new line of credit for weekly manicures. The solution is to organize together.â
Continued in the link to the article, but uh
TL;DR: Thereâs a significant wage gap between women who conform to traditional feminine beauty standards by, for example wearing makeup and heels and using a lot of hair and beauty products, and the women who donât. Meaning women are financially punished for not conforming to femininity or beauty standards. The gap is worse for women of color and trans women because thereâs higher beauty standards for women of color and trans women.
And when women do get those higher wages by playing the game and conforming to beauty standards and femininity, they have to spend 2x-3x+ more on grooming and their appearance than their male colleagues, so those high wages just disappear and go right back into keeping up their looks, making it difficult if not impossible to keep up financially with men, this isnât even mentioning how much more time women lose each day to having to keep up their âprofessionalâ appearance compared to male colleagues.
I cast Conjure Soup.

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Iâve decided to be sexier in 2020. There will be with no actual effort on my part, l just intend to be perceived as such