a shawol's nook

It hurts, doesn’t it? Crying doesn’t seem to ease the pain and sending out condolences online does nothing but emphasise the cold hard truth, that the man we loved so dearly has left our side.

I’ve left a post on my other blog, making a promise to delete the rated scenarios. A part of me wants to do the same here, but I somehow feel a closer connection to these stories because they came from a place of innocent fantasy. They eternalise his beauty and tenderness, no matter how much they are based on the persona he presented to the public...

If you feel that it is appropriate or otherwise for me to remove the stories here, please feel free to send me a message. 

As you continue to mourn and find the courage to keep on living, remember Jonghyun. Remember him as a doting younger brother, a filial son, an idol that had four amazing boys by his side, and as a musician that lived for his craft.

Remember Jonghyun’s bravery...

-

If you seek this man’s monument, look to his music.

REST IN PEACE, KIM JONGHYUN

Hi guys! You might’ve noticed that I’ve not posted a drabble for today, and that’s all thanks to the real-life me that needs to get on with proper adulting in the working world :(

Work took an unprecedented high-stress route the last week and it’s really been taking up a lot of my time, it’s all eating into my Saturdays and I’ve been working an average of 10 hours a day T__T

Things should clear up in the next two to three days or so and I’ll be able to continue with the edited drabbles. 

First posted: January 27th, 2013 (click here for original)

Edited on: 15th August, 2016

Present day

“Will you marry me?”

-

100 days ago

“What’s a three-letter word for ‘I told you so’?”

Minho’s eyebrows are furrowed as he stares at the day’s newspaper, biting on a pencil.

“Crossword?” you lean over, and he nods.

“Remember what I said when I warned you would knock into the lamp post if you kept looking at your phone while walking and you did?”

He thinks for a bit.

“Oh!”

You watch as he types A-H-A.

-

1 day ago

“Wait for me!”

He’s laughing as he increases his speed to catch up with you from behind, throwing an arm around your shoulder and planting a kiss atop your head.

“You stole my Pikachu,” you grumble.

“Good things happen to those who are with Team Mystic, my Team Valour member.”

He’s smirking with annoying glee and you elbow his side.

-

9 days ago

“I ruined your toaster.”

Minho’s look of worry turns into one of amusement. Black smoke engulfs the kitchen and he waves it away as he makes his way towards you.

“What were you trying to make?”

“Scrambled eggs and French toast,” you say softly, “and I ruined your pan too.”

He chuckles.

“Why don’t we head out for breakfast?”

“Okay,” you sigh in defeat.

-

365 days ago

“Wake me up, before you go-go!”

Minho’s dancing to the classic 80’s song while wearing a rainbow wig and silly glasses. His falsetto is pursuing a note far out into the heavens. It’s all in an effort to cheer you up after a long, tiring week at work, and it’s working.

“Oh god, I love you.”

It comes out as an unconscious whisper through your tears of laughter and he stops the music to bring you into a bone-crushing hug.

“I love you too.”

-

Present day

First posted: January 24th, 2013 (click here for original)

Edited on: 14th August, 2016

“He doesn’t talk much, does he?”

It’s a question that gets directed towards you multiple times whenever Jinki hangs out with your groups of friends, and you always end up having to clarify that the guy is more of a listener than a talker.

Jinki was a boyfriend whose idea of a perfect date involved zero plans to go outdoors. Hangouts at the town’s coolest places almost never happen with him because he would rather stay home and read a book, or put a Lego model together. His life was rather tame if you would compare it with club-goers, and it sat perfectly well with you.

He always had insights on the best book to read for the autumn, the best acoustic music to listen to while sipping on a great cup of coffee. His love for board and card games meant that the two of you had spent many a Sunday afternoon sat around the coffee table battling each other to the ground.

You were a better person with Jinki. He taught you the beauty of silence; the satisfaction of taking a nap just because; the joy of the sound of maple leaves crunching under your feet. Even more so, he taught you what it meant to love someone so much, you would take an appreciation to their smallest habits and their tiniest physical traits.

You love the way his eyes disappear and his gums show when he smiles; you love the way he has a condition of tripping over nothing; you love the way he has a voice that could melt the biggest of ice caps; you love the way he holds you as you lie on the sofa together.

First posted: January 10th, 2013 (click here for original)

Edited on: 13th August, 2016

When you were 12, your dad refused to get you ice cream because you didn’t want to wake up for swimming lessons in the morning. You were a grouch for an entire week. It was a record, one that your parents never let you forget.

You might just beat that record starting today.

“I can’t believe I agreed to this,” you scowl.

You’re squashed in the middle of hundreds of hormone raging teenage girls in the mosh pit. You’re at a concert for a group who misspelled the word ‘shiny’, and as a girl’s ponytail whips across your face as she turns her head, you swear to yourself you’ll never forgive your best friend, who’s standing right beside you and giving you a disgusting smile, for dragging you here.

“Think of the lunch deal, think of the lunch deal,” she urges you.

She had promised to treat you to a month’s worth of free lunch and while you’re standing with your  aching feet, sweat forming on your brows, you hardly think it’s worth it.

The lights dim and deafening screams erupt from all around you. A spotlight appears on the stage right in front of you as someone makes an ascend. The screens at the back of the stage tell you that his name is Lee Taemin.

Your grouchiness dissipates as his stage presence fills the arena. You find yourself watching each fluid movement of his limbs, the way his body seems welded to the resonating beats of the music

He’s radiating.

The music comes to a pause and he scans the crowd, eyes gleaming with the satisfaction and joy of starting off the concert on a terrific note. He looks down into the mosh pit.

First posted: January 8th, 2013 (click here for original)

Edited on: 12th August, 2016

“Hello?”

“I hate you.”

“Good morning, Kibum.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what’s going on.”

“I don’t. Could you please call me at a later time? I’m swamped here,” you gesture to the piles of papers on your desk to emphasize your point even though he can’t see you.

“You were supposed to help me order those pair of shoes online two days ago and you didn’t!”

You slam a folder down on your keyboard. “Seriously?! Didn’t I tell you my internet was down?”

“...You did? Y-you could’ve reminded me, ya know.”

“Oh, I am so sorry,” you say mockingly, “Who cares about fashion week? Who cares that I need to send out design specifications to thousands of seamstresses overseas? All that isn’t important, and you know why? Because my boyfriend needs shoes!”

You hang up the phone, angrier than ever before at Kibum’s selfishness and struggle to keep a level head with the busy buzz going around the office. You’re about to grab a cup of coffee when a text comes in...

BUMMIE Honey…?

BUMMIE I’m sorry

BUMMIE Please call me back

“Go away,” you growl at your phone.

-

Time passes in the office and you catch the glare of the setting sun through the windows. Your muscles are aching from sitting in the same position for too long and a quick glance at your phone shows that Kibum has been texting you throughout the day. A call comes in from You Know Who, and you answer it with a cold, “What do you want.”

“You answered! Look, I’m really sorry for what I did in the morning. I really am.”

“Hmm.”

“Can I take you out for pizza tonight?”

“Hmm.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

First posted: January 3rd, 2013 (click here for original)

Edited on: 11th August, 2016 (This has been edited to be a sequel to Trapped.)

It’s him again.

“Sorry I’m late. Here’s your phone.”

This can’t really be happening, can it?

“Umm, thanks.”

Oh thank God, you managed to speak.

Seeing him in broad daylight was making you a million times more nervous than you were back in that vestibule. It also didn’t help that you were at the back entrance of his company, which was empty at the moment but you didn’t trust fangirls to stay away for long.

“Oh, shoot. Your tupperware.”

“My what?”

“Remember the sushi?”

“Oh. Oh, yes. That.”

“You know what, I think it should be in my bag. Do you want to come up with me?”

Do I want to come up with you what?

“Huh?”

He doesn’t really give you any time to answer because he presses on the intercom and says, “Hey, it’s Jonghyun. Let me up.”

The glass door slides open and before you know it, you’re trailing behind Kim Jonghyun down immensely white hallways and up steel staircases that go on for miles. You hear blasts of practise music from all corners and you’re soon guided into a recording studio.

“It should be in here somewhere,” he begins to rummage through a duffel bag on the sofa and you don’t know really know what to do with yourself.

“Ah, there it is!” Jonghyun pulls something familiar out of his bag and passes it to you with a broad smile on his face and you want to melt.

“Thank you...Jonghyun.”

“No problem.”

He’s still smiling, with his eyes and pearly whites.

“Are you able to spare a few minutes?”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, no. I’m just recording a new song with my team here and we could use another opinion. Do you mind?”

This is the best day of your life.

I’m rather neutral towards EXO as a group...but I find myself thoroughly amused by

this

and

this

First posted: December 31st, 2012 (click here for original)

Edited on: 9th August, 2016

Jinki is drunk, like really drunk. 

He’s standing outside your door and you have to drag him in for fear he gets recognised. His drunken frame is five times heavier than usual and you nearly buckle under his weight.

“I want to be the very bessstttTTT,” he begins to sing as you dump him on the couch, swiveling him around so that he’s lying comfortably on his back. You topple over in silent laughter as he continues to sing out of tune, running to the bathroom to grab a cold towel. When you return, he’s slurring the lyrics, and you sit by the edge to wipe his face down.

“HmmmphHHHmmppHhbartenderanyymmmmph,” he mumbles.

“You’re not making any sense.”

“I don’t want you working as bartender anymore. I hate that job.” His words are clear, like he’s filled with conviction. 

“That’s not what you said when I took that job 6 months ago,” you say light heartedly, pushing his fringe away from his forehead.

“But all the guys stare at you. I know you’re with me but I can see that look in their eyes and I just...I don’t wike it, don’t wike it,” he rambles with his eyes closed, hands flying around in some sort of fancy formation.

“How do you know what kind of looks I get?” you whisper.

“Heeeeee,” he opens his half-lidded eyes and flashes a toothy grin in your direction, “it’s a secret, ssshhhhhhhh.”

“Jinki,” your tone gets serious, “you could’ve been caught. Nobody wants to see an idol in a bar.”

“But who’s gonna make sure you’re safe?” he sits up all of a sudden and wraps his arms around you, hooking your shoulder with his chin. “I worry for you…”

First posted: December 27th, 2012 (click here for original)

Edited on: 9th August, 2016

“Aww,  you’re just the cutest little thing, aren’t you??”

“I know.”

“I was talking to Eve, Taemin.”

Eve has her toy poodle belly up for more rubs and you happily oblige. Her tail is wagging excitedly and you feel like you could die right here from her cuteness and you wouldn’t mind.

“Whatever.” Taemin retorts.

“You’re just upset you lost at the udon slurping challenge at supper,” you tease, carrying Eve to the sofa of Taemin’s living room to shower her with more icky love. 

“The strand was too long!” he defends himself. “Trust me, I would have done a lot better if the noodles had been cut to appropriate lengths.”

“Ah, yes. Blame the chefs. Way to go, Lee Taemin.”

Taemin grunts as he sits himself next to you on the sofa, sliding his tiny butt down so that he lean his head on your shoulder. “Maybe I’ll just stick to dancing,” he sighs, absentmindedly reaching a hand over to pet Eve on the head. “Do you want her?”

“I swear, Taemin, you say the most random things,” you say in exasperation. “What are you talking about?”

“Eve. Do you want Eve?”

You lean away from Taemin and look at him like he had just recited pi to a hundred decimal places. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” he reaches over to grab your hand, “she could use the company of my girlfriend since I’m away on schedules most of the time.”

“Taemin, I-” Your sentence is cut short by his lips, and you lose your train of thought.

“But she’s yours,” you breathe out when he breaks away. 

First posted: December 20th, 2012 (click here for original)

Edited on: 8th August, 2016

Everybody has a usual place: usual coffeehouse, usual restaurant, etc.; and it’s all great. The thing about usual places is: they’re just not the same when you go back after extended periods of time.

Like tonight.

Tonight is a prime example because you’re finally back at your usual dessert place with Minho after god knows how long; and it’s not the same, because your relationship isn’t the same anymore. It used to be you above soccer practices and parties. Now it was parties, soccer practices, and everything else under the sun above you.

“The usual?” the waiter asks, and Minho nods to say ‘yes’.

“What is your opinion on sunsets?” you ask when the waiter walks away. You’re looking out the window towards the street because you can’t bear to face Minho, fearing that just one look from him would open a tap of waterworks.

Out of your peripheral vision you can see that he has that look of nonchalance that he’s been carrying on his face whenever he was with you lately. “They’re just part of nature, I guess,” he shrugs.

The waiter returns with your usual order of banana split but it remains untouched.

“I think sunsets are beautiful, in general at least, because once the sun sets the lights from the buildings and cars light up the streets. But it’s a different story in the desert.”

“What’s your point?” Minho decides to start on the banana split without you.

“My point is, sunsets in the desert plunge the land into darkness, and that’s exactly what’s happening with us.”

Minho drops his spoon to look at you.

First posted: December 16th, 2012 (click here for original)

Edited on: 7th August, 2016

“How many are we making again?” Jonghyun yawns, hunching his upper body over his knees to complete one barrette.

“Five hundred-wait,” an email notification on your laptop distracts you, “that number has just been changed to a thousand.” You turn your head cautiously to flash Jonghyun a guilty smile. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he slams his chin down on the coffee table. “What kind of a client needs a thousand flower barrettes?”

“A cosmetics company with an upcoming dinner and dance?”

He lifts his head. “Fine. You win.”

You chuckle as Jonghyun places his head back down on the coffee table and you move over to stroke his head. “There’s really no need for you to help me with this, you’re already so exhausted from all your schedules.”

“I’m fine,” he slurs, letting his eyes flutter shut. You see an expression of joy spread across his face as you stroke an exposed ear. It’s an expression that you can only associate with a napping puppy.

“Why don’t you head to bed?”

He opens his eyes and looks directly into yours. “Why don’t you give me a kiss to wake me up?”

“You’re not Princess Aurora.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jonghyun puckers his lips in the most enticing way he can but he just ends up looking like a goldfish.

“If I kiss you, will you promise to get some sleep tonight? You have a music show schedule in the morning.”

“It depends.”

“On what?”

“On how good the kiss is.”

“Everything’s just skinship with you, isn’t it?”

Before Jonghyun can retort, you lean down to give him the softest kiss and you know he loves it because he sighs in content. “Will you go to sleep now?” you say after you sit back up.

First posted: December 12th, 2012 (click here for original)

Edited on: 6th August, 2016

“Hey, I know you!”

No, you do not have time for this. You’ve just finished your shift at Starbucks and you need to head to campus. You’re exhausted and you don’t have time to entertain strangers on the street, no matter how strong their eyebrow game is.

“You applied for that veterinary grad program at Seoul University, right?”

How does he know that?

“How do you know that?!”

The stranger is taken aback, like it’s so unexpecting of you to exclaim in shock at the revelation that some random guy knows who you are and what grad program you applied for. “I guess I should have said that my mom works at the admissions office, huh?” he says sheepishly, and you can’t help but notice how cute he is.

Tsk, that’s not the point.

“That still doesn’t explain how you know me,” you say skeptically.

“I was looking through her bag for something when I saw your application,” he rubs his neck, squinting slightly because the glare of the morning sun is in his eyes. “Unintentionally, of course,” he clarifies quickly because you were about to go psycho on him.

“Huh. I see.”

You proceed to walk away but he blocks your path, and the both of you end up in a tango of maneuvers that would’ve made you laugh if the situation was different.  

“What?!” you yell.

“I just wanted to tell you, I saw the words ‘ACCEPTED’ on your application.”

You freeze. “No way.”

“Yes way.”

“Really? No lie?”

He’s about to chuckle at your disbelief. “Really. No lie.”

“Oh my gosh. I actually got in,” you breathe in shock, struggling to process the news.

“Yes, now my name is Kibum and do you want to walk to campus together?”

“Huh?”