vroom

song aesthetics → want you back (2.22.18)

i remember the freckles on your back and the way that i used to make you laugh

i remember the roses on your shirt when you told me this would never work

airplanes cut through the clouds like angels can fly we’ll never die

Basically, I wrote this because I’m in college now, and I keep getting invited to parties that all my new friends go to but I’m terrified to go since I’ve never been to anything like that before. So, as I was crying about feeling so messed up and baby-ish earlier, I decided to write this, because I just really wished that I had Luke to go with or to comfort me about it.

I hope you like it!

***

It would have been a good day. Or could have been.

It had started out fine. You were really happy - your boyfriend Luke had just come home from tour - and all seemed well. And really, it was well. But then you had to go and ruin it.

You couldn’t explain the issue, but you really weren’t a party girl. Which was ironic, because everyone knew Luke was a pretty big party guy. But you liked the small intimate things. The parties where you knew everyone, at a safe location with safe food and beverages. That was fine. But it was the other parties that he got invited to that you hated. The ones with too much noise and too many gross bodies and too much alcohol permeating the air that left you in shudders. You just physically could not take it. It was awful.

Really, you weren’t sure how you had dodged it so far with Luke. Granted, you had been dating for less than six months (you had made it official on his last break, so technically less than three) but somehow every party had been the kind you liked. But tonight was different. Tonight’s party was a blowout party, to celebrate them coming home. There were something like two hundred people supposed to attend, and it was a house party near a college campus. It sounded like hell to you.

Add that to the fact that you knew Luke would probably get smashed and leave you alone (because obviously he knew everyone there), and you were terrified. You had woken up in a panic and cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes, paced the floors, and by the time Luke got up around 2 p.m., you were exhausted and worn thin. You felt like you were about to combust. 

“Hey baby,” He said, walking into the kitchen and slouching into one of the counter stools, rubbing his eyes sleepily. You didn’t live together, but you had stayed the night at his apartment. It was becoming like home to you.

“Hi,” you responded, trying to keep your voice light and airy. You felt like throwing up. The party was less than six hours away.

“I’m so excited for the party tonight,” he yawned, not noticing you tense up. “It’s gonna be fuckin’ sick. Haven’t been properly drunk in awhile. Michael texted me and said there’s gonna be karaoke, and we have to duet that titanic song, you know the one, right? It’s like ‘Near… far… Where-‘"

“I’m not going,” you blurted out suddenly, feeling tears pool in your eyes and start to drip down your face. He looked bewildered, definitely lost for words as you hurriedly wiped at your cheeks, biting your lip. “I’m so sorry. I just… can’t.“

You briskly walked away, covering your mouth and leaving him behind. Why couldn’t you just be normal? Why couldn’t you love alcohol like everyone else and just go have a good time? Why couldn’t you be fun.

You shut the door to Luke’s bedroom, feeling ridiculous and ashamed and embarrassed. You paced the room, wanting more than anything to stop the tears from rushing down your face. He probably thought you were an idiot. Why would he want to be with someone who freaks out every time someone suggests a party?

Your inner loathing was cut off by a soft knock on the door. You didn’t have time to do anything before Luke was pushing it open slightly, nudging his large frame through and then shutting it, as if someone else was home, which they weren’t. 

For a moment, you both stood there, less than ten feet apart, you not even able to meet his eyes. This is it, you thought to yourself. He’s gonna freak out on me and pressure me, just like all my friends-

Suddenly, his arms were around you, and you couldn’t even think straight. You just stood there, hands at your side, stunned. When he finally pulled back, his blue eyes were kind and sweet, his teeth nibbling on the corner of his bottom lip where his piercing had once resided before giving up.

“Usually, when someone hugs you, it’s kinda general procedure to hug back,” he joked gently, turning serious when you didn’t laugh. “It’s okay if you don’t want to go,” he said softly, nuzzling your cheek a bit. “I can just make an appearance and then come back. It’s not an issue.”

You sniffled, taken aback by his kindness. “I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know why I get so nervous about it.“

He sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. “What are you nervous about?”

“I don’t know!” You exclaimed quickly, sitting down in a huff. “I’m just scared I’ll get lost there or stranded or something.“

“Stranded? I’ll be with you the whole time.” He paused, apparently figuring out what you were thinking. “I won’t drink a lot tonight. I probably shouldn’t anyway, if there will be so many random people. Would you feel better if we just went for a little bit? We don’t need to stay the whole night.”

You shook your head. “That’s not fair for you. I can just stay here by myself. It’s fine.“

Luke wrapped his arm around you, pulling you tight and leaning his head against yours. After a brief silence, he pressed a kiss to your temple. “If it was any other party, I’d say fuck it and skip it. But since it’s for me, I’ve gotta go just for a little while. You can absolutely stay here if you want. I have no issue with it at all. But I want you to know that if you want to come, we will stay together the whole time and at any point that you want to leave, just say the word and I’ll call a cab for us. It’s not a problem.”

You mulled over his kind words. You did want to go. You’ve never really been to a big party but you always assumed they were bad news and everything you hated. You wanted to be there for Luke, though. Finally, with a sniffle, you pressed your lips to Luke’s jaw.

“Okay,” you breathed, still nervous as hell but wanting to be with him. He seemed shocked, pulling back to look at you.

“Okay? You’ll come?“

You nodded shyly. “And if I don’t like it then we can leave?”

He nodded vehemently. “Absolutely. And I’ll be good. I shouldn’t get shit-faced anyway. Besides, if we come back early, maybe we can, you know…” He trailed off, wiggling his eyebrows before laughing, completely messing around but probably serious, only if you were up to it, though. You got up, smiling but rolling your eyes, wiping the last remnants of tears and venturing over to your part of his closet and looking for something to wear, feeling like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. As you showed different outfits to your boyfriend, he made comments on each, basically telling you you’d look nice in anything but taking the bait and finally picking one. As you changed, you watched as he laid back, yawning and stretching so his t-shirt rode up and showed his happy trail. 

You turned around, smiling to yourself. With Luke by your side, everything would be fine.