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alcohol being toxic to humans is sooooo funny. lets put this poison in a fun little cocktail and listen to music and feel sexy and free

you should be able to call in sad to work

20-something girlies we need to start leaving the house to meet people who make us feel like people

This is one thing I find really nice about cats. Just like people, they just… love to hang out with you. They want to be in the same room, just sharing time with you even if you’re not directly interacting. It’s such a comforting presence.

they need to invent a food that i do not have to do any work to prepare and also is cheap and also is nutritious and also tastes good and also that doesn’t hurt my tummy

“Hold the fuck up.” I say. I am the fuck up. Please hold me.

being in yr 20s is abt experiencing the worst thing you can imagine & then having to go to the grocery store

[sobs until im physically ill] [buys greek yogurt] [repeat]

i think furniture legs should be carved into little animal feet again.  i think that would solve a lot of problems. 

please all I want is to be one of those people who can’t stand sugar or sweet foods it would solve all if my problems please please please🙏🏻🙏🏻