untoldhorrors

Ghosts aren't real, it was probably just the house settling that gave you that blowjob

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

"please disable your adblock to access this site" please suck me from the back while i make these cheeks clap

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

going to the choices made in anger market. what do you guys want

What am I gonna do with my one wild and precious life omg it can’t be phone in bed forever

Does anyone know what to do

divine intervention where my guardian angel just beats the shit outta me

they’re foreclosing on my mind palace

Good morning to doomed people only