40goingon60

I cannot believe that 4 years have past since I last posted something here. Since then most notably we went through a global pandemic and other “joyful” events. I must say that I feel lucky to make it quite alright, and actually pretty well if we measure by career advancement, and work related challenges.

I feel less successful when it comes to family life, I did not expect my family life to look like THAT!.

Lets see what is in the Wins column:

> Work, growing and developing, passing successfully challenges

> I am now a “dog person” I never thought that I would be, but we have a dog and he’s one of the best things to happen since 2020

> Pickleball - I love playing and try to play everyday 

> Weight - I lost 80lbs in 2016 to 2017 - since than I gain 25lbs back

> Financially - the family is doing well - wife has a good job and we are making well more than I ever expected us to earn. I have a side job, that is helping the family even more

> Road trip - we wend on a 5 week road trip covered 9,000 miles and a bunch of national parks, including in IL, SD, WY, UT, CO, MO, IN, OH - I never thought that I will actually make it to Yellowstone, but I did. Thanks to COVID - working remotely is easy.

> Traveled with my mom and her siblings (all in their 70s and 80s) to her birth country and visited the house she was borne in. It was a fun and exciting trip.

> Visited Spain - with my family (sister, mother, etc.) and it was great.

This is posted more than a week late, not sure what’s the delay means. As before I feel that I pretend that the internet will be here forever, maybe as long as a monument or tomb stone would last and hence these entries are my mark on t his place, for the time that I am nothing but a memory. Not that I think my nonsense here is valuable.

On Friday whet to the beach to watch 4th of July fireworks.The wife and kids picked a food truck and were happy eating their food.

On Saturday evening Went to Brooklyn museum, it was free Saturday plus went to see the David Bowie show.  The boys did not care much for David, though fro me who grow up on this music, Thank you Ayelet T for exposing me to Ziggy Stardust and for the endless games of rummy cube and backgammon. Everything that I know about Ziggy and backgammon comes from those long sessions. I love the Brooklyn Museum, it is fresh and fun, really well worth it.

On Sunday went with wife and friends to ride bikes on the boardwalk. It was an 18 miles ride, very nice with a stop on one of the cafes on the walk.

No one can stop time - 

How do you feel about that? If you are having fun, or calm, you want to be able to stop time. if you are going through a rough patch you want to roll that clock on fast forward. 

During my Army service - “No one can stop time” was a way of saying, “Even this shell pass”. Basic training, long patrol assignments, marching with full gear for 40 kms, standing in an outpost on a boarder, sleeping with your shoes on while on stand-by, “no one will stop time” if you hold long enough you will see the end of the hardest tests of life.

Last week was when my mom flow back home, before we spent a few days in the city, talking, touring, my mom made a cake with one of the boys it was fun to watch.

On Friday we met, parents and kids of one boy’s after school youth group for a dinner and Kidush, one last time as the boys have graduated from HS, and are going on to the next station in their lives.

On Saturday, went to the Brooklyn Aquarium, they opened a new Shark exhibit and wife wanted us to see. Long lines, heat, it was not so much fun, to the point that we decided to skip the sharks part (another line inside the aquarium) they need to have timed admission. Also for the first time, I just couldn't stand inside the halls of the aquarium, so many people, it felt like there is no oxygen in  the room, I felt like I’m going to throw up.

On Sunday, did something that I said I will do for a long time, I joined a community garden, and for two hours was helping in the garden. One of the old timers also taught us how to plant and pick some vegetables. It was good, especially going with the older boy who met some kids he knows from the HS.

Wow, I am the father a high school graduate. The fact that the boy finished HS is not that unique, I kind of expected that to happen. What is crazy that I think about how I felt about my parents when i was 18, and they looked so old and irrelevant; shockingly (or by evolutionary design) I feel very relevant and vital right now.

On Tuesday was Prom, never participated in prom before I was not aware of the pre-prom and pre-pre-prom festivities. But got the hang of it quite fast, and even enjoyed meeting the parents and kids that I know and seeing everyone at their nice outfits, the boys all spiffed up and the girls glamorous. 

Wednesday was graduation and it was great. Again meeting many that I have been trudging along the trenches of raising kids, it is a constant struggle and the worst part is that many times you are not sure if you are helping or hurting ( and if there ever will be a definite answer to any of that).

What is amazing is that I thought that one day there will be a moment when I will get the keys to my life back. A moment that I will know that I am “done” here. I thought 18 will be that day. Now it feels that a whole new horizon of unknwon future just opened. I am still responsible for that kid. I still need to keep my cool as he is heading to his future and I am expected to guide him into education, profession, marriage? and kids?? oy vey.

Over the weekend drove upstate, stayed at a nice ABB, and participate at a bike ride, a long, painful and painful/painful/whaaaaaat?

I somehow done it, all with mom and famm in tow.

Great busy weekend.

The more I think of it, the more I realize how lucky I was with the friends I had since childhood. Unfortunately I am not good at “keeping in touch”. If I am away from people I don’t have a need to communicate, it is bad, it is cynical, I know.

Ayelet E, is one of the friends that changed my life.

I met her when I was 14, her sister was watching over my sister when my parents traveled abroad. They lived in a town over and I had to take two buses to get there. But just the act of traveling to visit her was a sign of adulthood and independence. At first were talking over the phone and I would use index cards to list topics of conversation. So I will always have something to talk about and that I will not forget to mention names of bands and music I was listening to, I wanted her to think I am cool. We never dated, though.

She later introduced me to her friends, in a time I did not have many friends, and because we went to different schools it was easier to hang with them. One of her friends liked me and became my first girlfriend. We used to hang a lot together talking about movies, poems, popular music, books, and politics,

However this is what she did that changed my life.

As we were about to finish high school and I was about to do my Regents exams, I mentioned to her that I was not planing to take my math prep tests because I cut class the whole year and was not ready. She was upset and said that I will not get a high school diploma without math. She said “look we have the weekend and your test is on Monday, come over my house I we will teach you”. She said that without math I will have to take classes in order to go to college. She said I may never got to college because of that.

And that is what happen, I would go to her house, and her friends would be there to teach me sections that they figured will be enough to get me to pass. It was like that scene from “Back to School” (Rodney Dangerfield). 

I took the test, and got the second highest grade in the class, the math teacher asked for my ID because he didn't know who I was. 

later on I got accepted to a CUNY 4 year college with that HS diploma, and I passed the math assignment test.

I did not see or know where Ayelet is since probably my early 20s.

On Wednesday my mom came for a visit, so I had the joy of waiting in the airport for her arrival.

On Saturday we had a temple celebration and went with my mom to participate, she is always very emotional to be there and participate in prayer.

Later went to see the Cirque de Soliel show by Nassau Coliseum, these shows are great, but you need to wait a few years in between shows to really enjoy them.

The acrobats are top notch and the the show has the intention to be visually over the top.

Wooowowwo, almost missed posting.

On Wednesday went to see Depeche Mode at the Barclays Center. Since I got to BKLYN first and was waiting for wife to join, had more than an hour to do a bit of a bar tour and have a drink in each. Also stopped an a wine store and got wine in a can. 

Once wife joined, we walked in and on the line for a pre-show drink met a couple that we know from the kids activities, we decided to meet for a post-show meal.

This is the second time that I see the Depeche Mode and I am still enjoying it. For me this is the sound track of my late teens early twenties, and I really got to like them because of my best friend Dan V, who used to call them Gods.

Many a Friday nights we would aimlessly drive in his dad’s Alfa Romeo 75, blasting DM and really enjoy the quality of the speakers and EQ (equalizer, gulp), did I mention we were listening to mix tapes?

So for me DM is a sound track of exploration, confusion, and excitement, 

Not much had happen during the weekend.

Finished binge watching “Dear White People” on Netflix. I get it but at the same don’t get it.

Friday was interesting, we bought a sofa, and I was assigned on schlepping it home. Best part - having two sons to do this kind of chores with.

Over the weekend was Gov Ball and the boys went, we dropped them on Randell's Island early in the day, and drove to the NYC. Wife had a long wish to take the Roosevelt Island Tram, so we did that, walked all around the island and later drove home. The new university is what still in my mind falls under my “AmeriKa!” (says in an Italian accent, on an immigrant ship as they enter New York harbor at the turn of the 20th century) wonder. 

“AmeriKa! wonders” for me are the quick and efficient way things are being built in this country, examples? plenty, the new world trade center, the new Tappan Zee Bridge, the JFK Air Rail, buildings in NYC that seem to come up almost over night. Just like the new university on Roosevelt Island. It feels as if they built it in less than a year.

We also bought a huge screen TV, we bought it on a whim. We have only one TV at home and it has quite a small screen. I felt quite bad for buying a TV, while our current one is still in perfectly working condition, and it served us well for at least 10 years. I think the main reason I wanted a new screen is so I can play Overwatch on it.

Hanging that TV, and reconnecting the cables and inputs, is always a challenge.

This one is also related to the NYC subway system.

It was in the 50th street and 5th Ave station. Sometimes in the late 90s. I was in college and had an internship in the area. For a whole summer that was my station and this station had these long escalators. Between these escalators there was a homeless (I think he was homeless) that was there everyday, for long hours. He seemed to treat the station as his place and the commuters as his audience. He would from time to time stand between the stairs and make “announcements”, many times he would start with bell-like “binnnnggg boooongg”.

One of the announcements I remember goes like this:

“Binnnnnggg booooonnnngg!, if you support the death penalty, you must REALLY trust your government”

Since Monday was Memorial Day - I will include it with last week.

Early in the week went with older son to buy a tux for prom. His date is wearing blue so he is looking to a great feeling to go and get nice cloths with you kids.

Friday was a surprise "Full House Friday dinner" at our house. A couple and son we know, called to say they are planning a trip to East Europe this summer, including the concentration and extermination camps of Auschwitz-Birkenau in Poland. Since we visited the camp and Poland we invited them for a Friday dinner, to talk about the trip and suggestions. My Cousin and family were also invited and then, our friend and her family just showed up and joined, so if was a full house. which is great.

On Saturday morning went to my meeting and after that, along with older son, went to temple to meet a friend and tell him to walk to golf area in the local park, where they have a few holes to practice your short game. I am not a golfer and I am doing this just so I can be outside for a while, with my son. It is fun to hit a ball with a stick. There is a driving range in the area, maybe we will go there and hit some balls?

On Sunday morning wife and I drove to NYC to a recording studio. The parents of the Seniors at the boys youth organization wanted to record a farewell song and  video for the seniors. They wrote some words to popular songs, and as it turns out that one of dads in the group is a real life music producer. He booked the studio for us to record. This is a real studio were bands record. He explained how things really happen in a studio, and it was a great fun. Later went with wife to pick a bib for a run that is up-and-coming.

On Monday, wife says change the electric box in the kitchen, so we can have those USB ports in the wall, and we can charge the phones. I say sure. I invite younger son  to help. He did help a few weeks ago with some other electrical projects and it is a good opportunity to teach him a few more steps. number 1 rule, be sure you are not touching a"live" wire.

Later wife says "let's clean the garage", I say sure "I'll give two hours", and somehow that turned into building a wooden hanger for our ski equipment. It was wife's design (she swiped from, I guess from a DIY site) and it was all made from stuff and wood we found in the garage. Recycling is a great joy.

Later we even ended up throwing some stuff out, and cleaning the garage. Wow that feels good.

It happened many, may years ago, maybe 20 years ago.

If you are in NYC long enough, it will happen to you.

Sometimes the conductors on the trains will say something that is not scripted like the usual  “23rd is next, transfer to the M23 .... ”

It was late at night on a E train, we were stuck between stations, probably on the way Union Turnpike. The train was standing. The conductor goes on the mic and says in an official tone of voice.

Surprise, thought its going to be a boring week. Thought I'll have to call this week “a vacation week” but, surprise it was packed full of action. It's started on Thursday night, while wife was out with friends getting ready for a run, I was home with the boys organizing and planing and more importantly, packing for their weekend camping trip. I like it when we are alone, we usually manage to keep thing moving, with no too much agitation or “static”. They argue, I get upset, but it is has a moving forward energy, and a lets get this done attitude to it. It is a sense that we trust each other to build and prop up each other rather than being a road block. I got their rides to camp in order, which was a challenge with work and two kids leaving in different times to the same camp.. It may sounds trivial but I like to know that I'm not missing anything. Best, the plan worked perfect the older boy’s ride camp on time, and he left on the 8 am bus. The younger boy met me in Penn Station, where I gave him his camp pack and off he got on a subway to meet his ride to camp. On Friday we met with a couple from the hood (our suburban sub division) for dinner and a comedy show. Like so many times before, I dread the event before. I think what do we have to talk to with them about. I am afraid that we will run out of topics to discuss. Or they will say something hurtful, or I'll say something that is true, but may be insulting. I imagine how I have a fight with my wife in front of them. Or that the show is bad, that I'll be jealous of them, or we get there late, car breaks down. All the events that I wanted to go to but didn’t are a testament to the effects of my anxiety. But usually five minutes into the meeting and I am having fun, the conversation is flowing, I'm charming and so are they. The comedy show was super funny. And I had just enough wine to be buzzed and happy. While at the show, at JFK airport, our friend P who is the one to introduce my wife and I, landed and took a taxi to our house. The next morning my wife left the house early to run a half marathon. I woke up and meet P who is lovely as always. Though I love my friends, I rarely keep in touch, and when we meet, it is like we never been away from one another. Meeting friends and family recharges my batteries, and calms me down.

Wife's orders to come pick her and her running buddies, up from the finish line. Me and friend P, get in the car and drive, on the way we chat and catch up it's fun. We pick up wife and her friends, giggly bunch on a runner's high. We drive home. Till evening we stay home, cook and chat, P turns out opened and closed a Morroccan restaurant. It was open for 4 years, who knew. As always P is on an adventure, after divorce life seem to be moving faster. In the evening we went to see “Tully”. Again I get some wine in a can and the movie is good. If you're a parent and married you’ll dig the movie more. 

Thursday met colleagues/clients/friends for dinner at a Bucharian (Russian) restaurant for dinner. It was strange because I know a two of them from Friday dinners, one is a tax client, and the other is a business associate that I met before. They are all work in real estate, and the meeting seemed to be a reason for picking my brain on taxes, and accounting, mixed with talking about kids, families, wifes etc. The food was great. 

After dinner we went to see a movie - Avengers - like teenagers - Well it was as super hero movie as you’d expect - with the expected and anticipated Stan Lee camio.

Also this week, my teenage boys introduced me the Childish Gambino - This is America video - Spend several hours down that rabbit hole. 

Also saw the Friendos SNL bit - highly entertaining.

Friday night, met at a friends house for dinner. They organize these first of the months Friday dinners and there are about 25 guests there.

The rest of the weekend was unremarkable. - I need to do something about it.

Lately I am thinking about volunteering to fill my days.

Well, don’t you just love it when you think you have nothing scheduled and then suddenly the cosmos offers you a “get out of home” card.

On Friday I did something that I wanted to do for a while, and finally found an excuse to do.

I went to a cigar bar. It was opened in my area about a year ago. Since my trip to Cuba where cigars are kind of a focus. I enjoy puffing one once in a while. This tax season one of my new clients is into cigars and I figured I can get him a thank you gift. I went there on Friday afternoon, bought the gift certificate and got one cigar for me at $7/pop that is as close to burning money as I will ever get. I Sat outside and puffed, it was OK for 10 minutes, then it became awkward. I guess I am not the kind of guy who can just relax. defiantly not in a store full of smoke and chubby guys trying to make conversation without coming off as desperate.

Most guys are lost, we are clammed in, cannot make small talk and cannot develop new friendships after a certain age. I find the bar fly type of a guy, those who can make small talk without being awkward to be a great quality. Women can somehow really find interest and have a conversation with each other for hours. Sometimes I hear my wife talk about stuff with her friends and I roll my eyes. Yet I admit that when I meet a friend and we talk, really talk, I do feel better.

On Sunday, my son decided Not to go the Five Boro Bike Ride and since I wanted to add an activity to that week I actually went.

Since I started GSA, in July 2015, I follow most of the tenants of the program. I'm not abstinent, but I say I strive to be. Since July 27, 2015 I strive to: - Eat only weight and measured meals , of foods on the Grey Sheet. - Don't eat between meals. - I stopped reporting my food to my sponsor because I don't have one. - I strive to go to meetings, at least once a week. - I stopped listening to the phone bridge, though that is probably the easiest way to stay motivated. When I started i was about 300 lbs, I'm not sure because I didn't weigh myself at that time, I was too bummed out. I bought pants size 46 and that was when I realized that there is no end with my eating.  At the lowest I was 210 lbs, lately I weigh about 227. For compulsive over eaters like myself, there is only one way with food and weight, and that is either you stay on a food plan or you gain weight. I'm not doing my plan as I should and that is why I'm gaining and will continue to gain. It's is a daily struggle, sometime even a minute by minute struggle.

I hate it.

Unlike people who only 70 years ago had to work for every calorie they could eat, we live in a time that $0.50 can get a 2,000 calorie thing, and you may only need to go to the store, or they will deliver it to you.

On Thursday went to high school, saw my son in a play. Made sure to leave work to make it to a 4pm show. I really support this kid, for having the guts to stand on stage and perform. I show up, and I watch him with awe, and when it is done I give him a hug and say “you did great, good job” and I shut up.

On Friday, with wife and two other couples went bowling, later we went to one of the couples’ apt - that was fun. We were thinking on other activities we could do like escape rooms (so 2016) and paintball???

Was planning to go to NYC on Sunday or go to a lecture at one of the temples in the area, but of course eventually stayed at home.

As of now, no plans for Week 3. Unless going to parents teacher conference counts.

Went to see Escape to Margaritaville with the wife, had a nice dinner in a Japanese steak house before show.

Went to see Cabaret Night show in the local High School with my younger son.